A   Ll^E   PORTRAIT; 


TUB   ONLY    ONK    TO    J5j:    IIKLIED    ON,    AS    IT    AVAS    PHOTOGRAPHED    BY    A 
SON    OF   HIS    OWN. 


■  V 


lames    miller,    436    Broabma^ 


J  J   > 


y     y\ 3     3       3      3 


J>3  'j'-»»»  >J3  J 


&t  ^raiifb 


AND 


ISIEpaEIM:}  iMSKi'SlSi 


OF 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


?#^ 


ILLUSTRATED  BY  ALFRED  CROWQUILL. 


NEW  YORK  : 
JAMES  MILLER,  486  BROADWAY. 


MUCCCLX. 


^; 


TO  THE   PUBLIC. 


Having  heard,  for  the  first  time,  that  my 
adventures  have  been  doubted  and  looked 
upon  as  jokes,  I  feel  bound  to  come  forward 
and  vindicate  mj  character  foi'  veracity^  by 
paying  three  shillings  at  the  Mansion  House 
of  this  great  city  for  the  afiidavits  hereto 
tippended. 

This  I  have  been  forced  into  in  regard  of 
my  own  honor,  although  I  have  retired  for 
many  years  from  public  and  private  life ;  and 
I  hope  that  this,  my  last  edition,  will  place  me 
in  a  proper  light  with  my  readers. 


AT  THE  CITY  OF  LONDON,  ENGLAND. 

We^  the  undersigned,  as  true  believers  in 
the  j^rofit^  do  most  solemnly  affirm,  that  all 


4  TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

the  adventures  of  our  friend  Baron  Munchau- 
sen, in  whatever  country  they  may  lie^  are 
positive  and  simple  facts.  And^  as  we  have 
been  believed,  whose  adventures  are  tenfold 
more  wonderful,  so  do  we  hope  all  true  be- 
lievers will  give  him  their  full  faith  and 
credence. 

GULLIYEE.  ^ 

SINBAD.        cb 
ALADDIN".    4. 


Sworn  at  the  Mansion  House^ 
9th  Nov.  last^  in  the  absence 
of  the  Lord  Mayor. 

JOHN  {the  Porter). 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Baron  relates  an  Account  of  his  first  Travels— The  astonishing 
Effects  of  a  Storm— Arrives  at  Ceylon ;  combats  and  conquers  two 
extraordinary  Opponents — Returns  to  Holland Page  13 

CHAPTER  II. 

In  which  the  Baron  proves  himself  a  good  Shot — He  loses  his  Horse, 
and  finds  a  Wolf— Makes  him  draw  his  Sledge— Promises  to  entertain 
his  Company  with  a  Relation  of  such  Facts  as  are  well  deserving 
their  Notice 21 

CHAPTER  III. 

An  Encounter  between  the  Baron's  Nose  and  a  Door-post,  with  its 
wonderful  effects- Fifty  Brace  of  Ducks  and  other  Fowl  destroyed 
by  one  Shot— Flogs  a  Fox  out  of  his  skin — Leads  an  old  Sow  home 
in  a  new  way,  and  vanquishes  a  "Wild  Boar 26 

chapit:r  IV. 

Reflections  on  Saint  Hubert's  Stag— Shoots  a  Stag  with  Cherry-stones ; 
the  wonderful  effects  of  it— Kills  a  Bear  by  extraordinary  Dexterity  ; 
his  Danger  patlietically  described— Attacked  by  a  Wolf,  which  he 
turns  inside  out— Is  assailed  by  a  Mad  Dog,  from  which  he  escapes 
—The  Baron's  Cloak  seized  with  Madness,  by  which  his  whole 
Wardrobe  is  thrown  into  Confusion 80 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  V. 

The  effects  of  great  Activity  and  Presence  of  Mind — A  favorite  Honnd 
described,  which  pups  while  pursuing  a  Hare  ;  the  Hare  also  litters 
while  pursued  by  the  Hound — Presented  with  a  famous  Horse  by 
Coiint  Przobossky,  with  which  he  performs  many  extraordinary 
Feats 34 


CHAPTER  VI. 

% 

The  Baron  is  made  a  Prisoner  of  War,  and  sold  for  a  Slave — Keeps  the 
Sultan's  Bees,  Avhich  are  attacked  by  two  Bears — Loses  one  of  his 
Bees ;  a  Silver  Hatchet,  which  he  throws  at  the  Bears,  rebounds  and 
flies  up  to  the  Moon ;  brings  it  back  by  an  ingenious  Invention ; 
falls  to  the  Earth  on  his  Return,  and  helps  himself  out  of  a  Pit — Ex- 
tricates himself  from  a  Carriage  which  meets  his  in  a  narrow  Road, 
in  a  manner  ne'ver  before  attempted,  nor  practised  since — The  won- 
derful Effects  of  the  Frost  upon  his  Servant's  French-horn 42 


CHAPTER  YII. 

The  Baron  relates  his  Adventures  on  a  Voyage  to  North  America, 
which  are  well  worth  the  Reader's  Attention — Pranks  of  a  Whale 
— A  Sea-gull  saves  a  Sailor's  Life — The  Baron's  Head  forced  into  his 
Stomach — A  dangerous  Leak  stopped  a  Posteriori 47 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

Bathes  in  the  Mediterranean— Meets  an  imexpected  Companion — Ar- 
rives unintentionally  in  the  Regions  of  Heat  and  Darknesf},  from 
which  he  is  extricated  by  dancing  a  Hornpipe — Frightens  his  Deliv- 
erers, and  returns  on  Shore 51 


CHAPTER   IX. 

Adventures  in  Turkey,  and  upon  the  River  Nile — Sees  a  Balloon  over 
Constantinople ;  shoots  at  and  brings  it  down ;  finds  a  French  Ex- 
perimental Philosopher  suspended  from  it — Goes  on  an  Embassy  to 
Grand  Cairo,  and  returns  upon  the  Nile,  where  he  is  thrown  into  an 
unexpected  Situation,  and  detained  six  weeks .54 


CONTENTS. 


CHAFl^ER  X. 

Pays  a  Visit  during  the  Siege  of  Gibraltar  to  his  old  Friend  General 
Elliot — Sinks  a  Spanish  Man-of-War — Wakes  an  old  Woman  on  the 
African  Coast — Destroys  all  the  Enemy's  Cannon — Frightens  the 
Count  d'Artois,  and  sends  him  to  Paris — Saves  the  Lives  of  two 
English  Spies,  with  the  identical  Sling  that  killed  Goliah,  and  raises 
the  Siesre 60 


CHAPTER  XI. 

An  interesting  Account  of  the  Baron's  Ancestors — A  Quarrel  relative 
to  the  Spot  where  Noah  built  his  Ark — The  History  of  the  Sling, 
and  its  Properties — A  favorite  Poet  introduced  upon  no  very  reputa- 
ble Occasion — Queen  Elizabeth's  Abstinence — The  Baron's  Father 
Crosses  from  England  to  Holland,  upon  a  Marine  Horse,  which  he 
sells  for  Seven  Hundred  Ducats 68 

CHAPTER  XII. 

The  Frolic ;  its  Consequences — Windsor  Castle — St.  Paul's — College 
of  Physicians,  Undertakers,  Sextons,  &c.,  almost  ruined — Industry 
of  the  Apothecaries 72 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Baron  sails  with  Captain  Phipps — Attacks  two  large  Bears,  and 
has  a  very  narrow  Escape — Gains  the  Confidence  of  these  Animals, 
and  then  destroys  Thousands  of  them ;  loads  the  Ship  with  their 
Hams  and  Skins  ;  makes  Presents  of  the  former,  and  obtains  a  gen- 
eral Invitation  to  all  City  Feasts — A  Dispute  between  the  Captain 
and  the  Baron,  in  which,  from  Motives  of  Politeness,  the  Captain  is 
suffered  to  gain  his  Point — The  Baron  declines  the  Honor  of  a  Throne, 
and  an  Empress  into  the  Bargain 75 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Our  Baron  excels  Baron  Tott  beyond  all  Comparison ;  yet  fails  in  part 
of  his  Attempt — Gets  into  Disgrace  with  the  Grand  Seignior,  who 
orders  his  Head  to  be  cut  off — Escapes,  and  gets  on  board  a  Vessel, 
in  which  he  is  carried  to  Venice — Baron  Tott's  Origin,  with  some 
Account  of  that  great  Man's  Parents — Pope  Ganganelli  fond  of  Shell- 
tish 82 


8  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

A.  further  Account  of  the  Journey  from  Harwich  to  Helvoetsluys — De- 
scription of  a  number  of  Marine  Objects,  never  mentioned  by  any 
Traveller  before — Eoeks  seen  in  this  Pa.ssage,  equal  to  the  Alps  in 
Magnitude:  Lobsters,  Crabs,  &c.,  of  an  extraordinary  Magnitutle 
— A  Woman's  Life  saved ;  the  Cause  of  her  Falling  into  the  Sea ;  Dr. 
Hawes's  Directions  followed  with  Success 88 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

This  is  a  very  short  Chapter,  but  contains  a  Fact  for  which  the  Baron's 
Memory  ought  to  be  dear  to  every  Englishman,  especially  those 
who  may  hereafter  have  the  Misfortune  of  being  made  Prisoners  of 
War 93 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

Voyage  Eastward — The  Baron  introduces  a  Friend,  who  never  de- 
ceived him ;  wins  a  Hundred  Guineas  by  pinning  his  Faith  upon 
that  Friend's  Nose — Game  started  at  Sea — Some  other  Circumstances, 
which  will,  it  is  hoped,  afford  the  Reader  no  small  Degree  of  Amuse- 
ment  95 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

A  second  Visit  (but  an  accidental  one)  to  the  Moon — The  Ship  driven 
by  a  Whirlwind  a  Thousand  Leagues  above  the  Surface  of  the  Wa- 
ter, where  a  new  Atmosphere  meets  them,  and  carries  them  into  a 
capacious  Harbor  in  the  Moon — A  Description  of  the  Inhabitants, 
and  their  Manner  of  coming  into  the  Lunarian  World — Animals, 
Customs,  Weapons  of  War,  Wmes,  Vegetables,  &c 98 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Baron  crosses  the  Thames  without  the  Assistance  of  a  Bridge, 
Ship,  Boat,  Balloon,  or  even  his  own  Will ;  rouses  himself  after  a 
Long  Nap,  and  Destroys  a  Monster,  who  lived  upon  the  Destruction 
of  others 105 

CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Baron  slips  through  the  World ;  after  paying  a  Visit  to  Mount 
Etna,  he  finds  himself  in  the  South  Sea ;  visits  Vulcan  in  his  Pass- 
age ;  gets  on  board  a  Dutchman;  arrives  at  an  Island  of  Cheese, 


CONTENTS.  .  9 


surrounded  by  a  Sea  of  Milk  ;  describes  some  very  extraordinary 
Objects — Lose  their  Compass ;  their  Ship  slips  between  the  Teeth  of 
a  Fish  unknown  in  tliis  part  of  the  "World ;  their  Difficulty  in  escap- 
ing from  thence  ;  amve  in  the  Caspian  Sea — Starves  a  Bear  to  Death 
— A  few  Waistcoat  Anecdotes — In  this  Chapter,  which  is  the  lon- 
gest, the  Baron  moralizes  upon  the  Virtue  of  Voracity 107 

SUPPLEMENT. 

Extraordinary  Flight  on  the  Back  of  an  Eagle  over  France  to  Gibral- 
tar, South  and  North  America,  the  Polar  Eegions,  and  back  to  Eng- 
land, within  Six-and-Thirty  Hours 124 


Preface  to  the  Second  Volume 139 

CHAPTER  XXL 

The  Baron  insists  on  the  Veracity  of  his  former  Memoirs — Forms  a 
Design  of  making  Discoveries  in  the  interior  Parts  of  Africa — His 
Discourse  with  Hilaro  Frosticos  about  it — His  Conversation  with 
Lady  Fragrantia — The  Baron  goes  with  other  Persons  of  Distinction 
to  Court;  relates  an  Anecdote  of  the  Marquis  de  Bellecourt 143 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

Preparations  for  the  Baron's  Expedition  into  Africa — Description  of 
his  Chariot ;  the  Beauties  of  its  interior  Decorations ;  the  Animals 
that  drew  it ;  and  the  Mechanism  of  the  Wheels 151 

CHAPTER  XXIIL 

The  Baron  proceeds  on  his  Voyage — Convoys  a  Squadron  to  Gibraltar 
— Declines  the  Acceptance  of  the  Island  of  Candia — His  Chariot 
damaged  by  Pompey's  Pillar  and  Cleopatra's  Needle — The  Baron 
outdoes  Alexander — Breaks  his  Chariot  and  splits  a  great  Eock  at 
the  Cape  of  Good  Hope 156 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Tlie  Baron  secures  his  Chariot,  &c.,  at  the  Cape,  and  takes  his  Passage 
for  England  in  a  homeward-bound  Indiaman — Wrecked  upon  an 
Island  of  Ice  near  the  Coast  of  Guinea — Escapes  from  the  Wreck. 


10  CONTENTS. 

and  rears  a  variety  of  Vegetables  upon  the  Island — Meets  some  Ves- 
sels belonging  to  the  Negroes  bringing  White  Slaves  from  Europe, 
in  Retaliation,  to  work  upon  their  Plantations  in  a^old  Climate  near 
the  South  Pole — Arrives  in  England  and  lays  an  Account  of  his 
Expedition  before  the  Privy  Council — Great  Preparations  for  a  new 
Expedition — The  Sphinx,  Gog  and  Magog,  and  a  great  Company 
attend  him — The  Ideas  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  respecting  the  Interioi 
Parts  of  Africa 162 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

Count  Gosamer  thrown  by  Sphinx  into  the  Snow  on  the  Top  of  Tene- 
riffe — Gog  and  Magog  conduct  Sphinx  for  the  rest  of  the  Voyage 
— The  Baron  arrives  at  the  Cape,  and  unites  his  former  Chariot,  &c., 
to  his  new  retinue — Passes  into  Africa,  proceeding  from  the  Cape 
northward— Defeats  a  Host  of  Lions  by  a  curious  Stratagem — Travels 
through  an  immense  Desert — His  whole  Company,  Chariot,  &c., 
overwhelmed  by  a  Whirlwind  of  Sand — Extricates  them,  and  arrives 
in  a  fertile  Country 170 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

A  Feast  on  live  Bulls  and  Kava — The  Inhabitants  admire  the  Euro- 
pean Adventurers — The  Emperor  comes  to  meet  the  Baron,  and 
pays  him  great  Compliments — The  Inhabitants  of  the  centre  of  Af- 
rica descended  from  the  people  of  the  Moon,  proved  by  an  Inscrip- 
tion in  Africa,  and  by  the  analogy  of  their  Language ;  which  is  also 
the  same  with  that  of  the  ancient  Scythians — The  Baron  is  declared 
Sovereign  of  the  Interior  of  Africa,  on  the  Decease  of  the  Emperor 
— He  endeavors  to  abolish  the  Custom  of  eating  live  Bulls,  which 
excites  much  discontent — The  advice  of  Hilaro  Frosticos  upon  the 
Occasion — The  Baron  makes  a  Speech  to  the  Assembly  of  the  States, 
which  only  excites  greater  Murmurs— He  consults  with  Hilaro  Fros- 
ticos  180 

CHAFIER  XXVII. 

A  Proclamation  by  the  Baron — Excessive  Curiosity  of  the  People  to 
know  what  Fudge  was— The  People  in  a  general  Ferment  about  it — 
They  break  open  all  the  Granaries  in  the  Empire— The  Afl'ections  of 
the  People  conciliated — An  Ode  performed  in  Honor  of  the  Baron — 
His  Discourse  with  Fragrantia  on  the  Excellence  of  the  Music. .  .192 


CONTENTS.  11 


CHAPTER  XXVin. 

The  Baron  sets  all  the  People  of  the  Empire  to  work  to  build  a  Bridge 
from  their  Country  to  Great  Britain — His  contrivance  to  render  the 
Arch  secure — Orders  an  Inscription  to  be  engraved  on  the  Bridge — 
Eeturns  with  all  his  Company,  Chariot,  &c.,  to  England — Surveys 
the  Kingdoms  and  Nations  under  him  from  the  Middle  of  the 
Bridge 199 

CHAPTER    XXEX. 

The  Baron's  Retinue  is  opposed  in  an  heroic  Style  by  Don  Quixote,  who 
in  his  turn  is  attacked  by  Gog  and  Magog — Lord  Whittington  with 
the  Lord  Mayor's  Show  comes  to  the  Assistance  of  Don  Quixote — 
Gog  and  Magog  assail  his  Lordship — Lord  Whittington  makes  a 
Speech,  and  deludes  Gog  and  Magog  to  his  Party — A  general  Scene 
of  Uproar  and  Battle  among  the  Company  ;  until  the  Baron,  with 
great  Presence  of  Mind,  appeases  the  Tumult 204 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

The  Baron  arrives  in  England — The  Colossus  of  Rhodes  comes  to  con- 
gratulate him.  Great  Rejoicings  on  the  Baron's  Return,  and  a  tre- 
mendous Concert — The  Baron's  Discourse  with  Fragrantia,  and  her 
Opinion  of  the  Tour  to  the  Hebrides 212 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

A  litigated  contention  between  Don  Quixote,  Gog,  Magog,  &c. — A 
grand  Court  assembled  upon  it — The  Appearance  of  the  Company — 
The  Matrons,  Judges,  &c. — The  Method  of  Writing,  and  the  Use  of 
the  fashionable  Amusement  Quizzes — Wauwau  arrives  from  the 
Country  of  Prester  John,  and  leads  the  whole  Assembly  a  Wild- 
goose  Chase  to  the  Top  of  Plinlimmon,  and  thence  to  Virginia — The 
Baron  meets  a  Floating  Island  in  his  Voyage  to  America — Pursues 
Wauwau  with  his  whole  Company  through  the  Deserts  of  North 
America — His  curious  Contrivance  to  seize  Wauwau  in  a  Morass.  .217 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

The  Baron  harangues  the  Company,  and  they  continue  the  Pursuit — 
The  Baron  wandering  from  his  Retinue,  is  taken  by  the  Savages. 


12  CONTENTS. 

scalped,  and  tied  to  a  Stake  to  be  roasted  ;  but  he  contrives  to  extri- 
cate hiinst'lf,  and  kills  the  Savages— The  Baron  travels  overland 
through  the  Forests  of  North  America,  to  the  Confines  of  Eussia — 
Arrives  at  the  Castle  of  the  Nareskin  Kowskimowmowsky,  and  gal- 
lops into  the  Kingdom  of  Loggerheads — A  Battle,  in  which  the 
Baron  fights  the  Nareskin  in  single  Combat,  and  generously  gives 
hiiu  his  Life — Arrives  at  the  Friendly  Islands,  and  discourses  with 
Omai — The  Baron  with  all  his  Attendants  goes  from  Otaheite  to  the 
Isthmus  of  Darien ;  and  having  cut  a  Canal  across  the  Isthmus,  re- 
turns to  England 226 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

The  Baron  goes  to  Petersburgh,  and  converses  with  the  Empress — 
Persuades  the  Eussians  and  Turks  to  cease  cutting  one  another's 
Throats,  and  in  concert  cut  a  Canal  across  the  Isthmus  of  Suez — The 
Buron  discovers  the  Alexandrian  Library,  and  meets  with  Hermes 
Trismegistus — Besieges  Seringapatam,  and  challenges  Tippoo  Saib  to 
single  Combat — They  fight — The  Baron  receives  some  Wounds  on 
his  Face,  but  at  last  vanquishes  the  Tyrant — The  Baron  returns  to 
Europe,  and  raises  the  Hull  of  the  Eoyal  George 238 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

The  Baron  makes  a  Speech  to  the  National  Assembly,  and  drives  out 
all  the  Members — Eouts  the  Fishwomen  and  the  National  Guards — 
Pursues  the  whole  Eout  into  a  Church,  where  he  defeats  the  National 
Assembly,  &c.,  with  Eousseau,  Voltaire,  and  Beelzebub  at  their 
Head,  and  liberates  Marie  Antoinette  and  the  Eoyal  Family 247 


TRAVELS 


OF 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


[the  baron  is  supposed  to  relate  these  adventures 
to  his  friends,  over  a  bottle.] 

OME  years  before  my  beard  an- 
nounced approaching  manhood, 
or,  in  other  words,  when  I  was 
neither  man  nor  boy,  but  be- 
tween both,  I  expressed  in  re- 
peated conversations  a  strong 
desire  of  seeing  the  world ;  from  which  I  was 
discouraged  by  my  parents,  though  my  father  had 
been  no  inconsiderable  traveller  himself,  as  will  ap- 
pear before  I  have  reached  the  end  of  my  singular, 


14  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS    OF 

and,  I  may  add,  interesting  adventures.  A  cousin, 
by  my  mother's  side,  took  a  liking  to  me,  often  said 
I  was  a  tine  forward  youth,  and  was  much  inclined 
to  gratify  my  curiosity.  His  eloquence  had  more 
effect  than  mine,  for  my  father  consented  to  my  ac- 
companying him  in  a  voyage  to  the  island  of  Cey- 
lon, where  his  uncle  had  resided  as  governor  many 
years. 

We  sailed  from  Amsterdam  with  dispatches  from 
their  High  Mightinesses  the  States  of  Holland.  The 
only  circumstance  which  hapj)ened  on  our  voyage 
worth  relating,  was  the  wonderful  effects  of  a  storm, 
which  had  torn  up  by  the  roots  a  great  nimaber  of 
trees  of  enormous  bulk  and  height,  in  an  island  where 
w^e  lay  at  anchor  to  take  in  wood  and  w^ater.  Some 
of  these  trees  weighed  many  tons,  yet  they  were  car- 
ried by  the  wind  so  amazingly  high,  that  they  ap- 
peared like  the  feathers  of  small  birds  floating  in  the 
air,  for  they  were  at  least  five  miles  above  the  earth : 
however,  as  soon  as  the  storm  subsided,  they  all  fell 
perpendicularly  into  their  respective  places,  and  took 
root  again,  except  the  largest,  which  happened,  when 
it  was  blown  into  the  air,  to  have  a  man  and  liis 
wife,  a  very  honest  old  couple,  upon  its  branches. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  15 

gathering  cucumbers  (in  this  part  of  the  globe  that 
useful  vegetable  grows  upon  trees).  The  weight  of 
this  couple,  as  the  tree  descended,  overbalanced  the 
trunk,  and  brought  it  down  in  an  horizontal  posi- 
tion :  it  fell  upon  the  chief  man  of  the  island,  and 
killed  him  on  the  spot ;  he  had  quitted  his  house  in 
the  storm,  under  an  apprehension  of  its  falling  upon 
him,  and  was  returning  through  his  own  garden 
when  this  fortunate  accident  happened.  The  word 
fortunate,  here,  requires  some  explanation.  This 
chief  was  a  man  of  a  very  avaricious  and  oppres- 
sive disposition,  and  though  he  had  no  family,  the 
natives  of  the  island  were  half  starved  by  his  op- 
pressive and  infamous  impositions. 

The  very  goods  which  he  had  thus  taken  from 
them  were  spoiling  in  his  stores,  while  the  poor 
wretches  from  wdiom  they  were  plundered  were 
pining  in  poverty.  Though  the  destruction  of  this 
tyrant  was  accidental,  the  people  chose  the  cucum- 
ber-gatherers for  their  governors,  as  a  mark  of  their 
gratitude  for  destroying,  though  accidentally,  their 
late  tyrant. 

After  we  had  repaired  the  damages  we  sustained 
in  this  remarkable  storm,  and  taken  leave  of  the 


16  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

Qew  governor  and  his  ladj,  we  sailed  with  a  fair 
wind  for  the  object  of  our  voyage. 

In  about  six  weeks  we  arrived  at  Ceylon,  where 
we  were  received  with  great  marks  of  friendship 
and  true  politeness.  The  following  singular  adven- 
ture may  not  prove  unentertaining. 

After  we  had  resided  at  Ceylon  about  a  fortnight, 
I  accompanied  one  of  the  governor's  brothers  upon 
a  shooting-party.  He  was  a  strong,  athletic  man, 
and  being  used  to  that  climate  (for  he  had  resided 
there  some  years),  he  bore  the  violent  heat  of  the 
sun  much  better  than  I  could  ;  in  our  excursion  he 
had  made  a  considerable  progress  through  a  thick 
wood  when  I  was  only  at  the  entrance. 

Kear  the  banks  of  a  large  piece  of  water,  which 
had  engaged  my  attention,  I  thought  I  heard  a 
rustling  noise  behind ;  on  tm'ning  about,  I  w^as  al- 
most petrified  (as  who  would  not?)  at  the  sight  of 
a  lion,  which  was  evidently  approaching  with  the 
intention  of  satisfying  his  appetite  with  my  poor 
carcass,  and  that  without  asking  my  consent.  What 
w^as  to  be  done  in  this  horrible  dilemma  ?  I  had 
not  even  a  moment  for  reflection ;  my  piece  was 
only  charged  with  swan-shot,  and  I  had  no  other 


THE    BARON    RELATING    HIS    ADVENTURES. 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  17 

about  me ;  however,  though  I  could  have  no  idea 
of  killing  such  an  animal  with  that  weak  kind  of 
ammunition,  yet  I  had  some  hopes  of  frightening 
him  by  the  report,  and  perhaps  of  wounding  him 
also.  I  immediately  let  fly,  without  waiting  till  he 
was  within  reach;  and  the  report  did  but  enrage 
him,  for  he  now  quickened  his  pace,  and  seemed  to 
approach  me  full  speed  :  I  attempted  to  escape,  but 
that  only  added  (if  an  addition  could  be  made)  to 
my  distress ;  for  the  moment  I  turned  about,  I 
found  a  large  crocodile,  with  his  mouth  extended, 
almost  ready  to  receive  me ;  on  my  right  hand  was 
the  piece  of  water  before  mentioned,  and  on  my 
left  a  deep  precipice,  said  to  have,  as  I  have  since 
learned,  a  receptacle  at  the  bottom  for  venomous 
creatures :  in  short,  I  gave  myself  up  as  lo8t,  for  the 
lion  was  now  upon  his  hind-legs,  just  in  the  act  of 
seizing  me  ;  I  fell  involuntarily  to  the  groimd  with 
fear,  and,  as  it  afterwards  appeared,  he  sprang  over 
me.  I  lay  some  time  in  a  situation  which  no  lan- 
guage can  describe,  expecting  to  feel  his  teeth  or 
tiilons  in  some  part  of  me  every  moment:  after 
waiting  in  this  prostrate  situation  a  few  seconds,  I 
heard  a  violent  but  unusual  noise,  diflerent  from 


18  OKIGINAL  TKAVELS   OF 

any  sound  that  had  ever  before  assailed  my  ears ; 
uov  is  it  at  all  to  be  wondered  at,  when  I  inform 
you  from  whence  it  proceeded.  After  listening  for 
some  time,  I  ventured  to  raise  my  head  and  look 
round,  when,  to  my  unspeakable  joy,  I  perceived 
the  lion  had,  by  the  eagerness  with  wliich  he  sprung 
at  me,  jumped  forward,  as  I  fell,  into  the  crocodile's 
mouth,  which,  as  before  observed,  was  wide  open  : 
the  head  of  the  one  stuck  in  the  throat  of  the  other, 
and  they  were  struggling  to  extricate  themselves. 
1  fortunately  recollected  my  couteau  de  chasse, 
which  was  by  my  side;  with  this  instrument  I 
severed  the  lion's  bead  at  one  blow,  and  tbe  body 
fell  at  my  feet.  I  then  with  the  but-end  of  my 
fowling-piece  rammed  the  head  further  into  the 
throat  of  the  crocodile,  and  destroyed  him  by  suifo- 
cation,  for  he  could  neither  gorge  nor  eject  it. 

Soon  after  I  had  thus  gained  a  complete  victory 
over  my  two  powerful  adversaries,  my  companion 
arrived  in  search  of  me ;  for  finding  I  did  not  fol- 
low him  into  the  wood,  he  returned,  apprehending 
I  had  lost  my  way,  or  met  with  some  accident. 

After  mutual  congratulations,  we  measured  the 
crocodile,  which  was  just  forty  feet  in  length. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  19 

As  soon  as  we  had  related  this  extraordinary  ad- 
venture to  the  governor,  he  sent  a  wagon  and  ser- 
vants, who  brought  home  the  two  carcasses.  The 
lion's  skin  was  properly  preserved,  with  its  hair  on  ; 
after  which  it  was  made  into  tobacco-pouches,  and 
presented  by  me,  upon  our  return  to  Holland,  to  the 
burgomasters,  wdio,  in  return,  requested  my  accept- 
ance of  a  thousand  ducats. 

The  skin  of  the  crocodile  was  stuffed  in  the  usual 
manner,  and  makes  a  capital  article  in  their  public 
museum  at  Amsterdam,  where  the  exhibitor  relates 
the  whole  story  to  each  spectator,  with  such  addi- 
tions as  he  thinks  proper :  some  of  his  variations 
are  rather  extravagant ;  one  of  them  is,  that  the 
lion  jumped  quite  through  the  crocodile,  and  was 
making  his  escape  at  the  back-door,  when,  as  soon 
as  his  head  appeared.  Monsieur  the  Great  Baron  (as 
he  is  pleased  to  call  me)  cut  it  off,  and  three  feet  of 
the  crocodile's  tail  along  with  it ;  nay,  so  little  at- 
tention has  this  fellow  to  the  truth,  that  he  some- 
times adds,  as  soon  as  the  crocodile  missed  his  tail, 
he  turned  about,  snatched  the  couteau  de  chasse  out 
of  Monsieur's  hand,  and  swallowed  it  with   such 


20 


ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 


eagerness  that  it  pierced  his  heart  and  killed  him 
immediately. 

The  little  regard  which  this  impudent  knave  has 
to  veracity,  makes  me  sometimes  apprehensive  that 
my  real  facts  may  fall  under  suspicion,  by  being 
found  in  company  with  his  confounded  inventions. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


21 


(dU^Vi^v  Ww$. 


'^^ 


SET  off  from  Rome  on  a  journey  to 
Russia,  in  the  midst  of  winter, 
from  a  just  notion  that  frost  and 
snow  must  of  course  mend  the 
roads,  which  every  traveller  had 
described  as  uncommonly  bad 
through  the  northern  parts  of  Germany,  Poland, 
Courland,  and  Livonia.  I  went  on  horseback,  as 
the  most  convenient  manner  of  travelling ;  I  was 
but  lightly  clothed,  and  of  this  I  felt  the  inconve- 
nience the  more  I  advanced  northeast.  What 
must  not  a  poor  old  man  have  suffered  in  that 
severe  weather  and  climate,  whom  I  saw  on  a 
bleak  common  in  Poland,  lying  on  the  road,  help- 
less, shivering,  and  hardly  having  wherewithal  to 
cover  his  nakedness !  I  pitied  the  poor  sonl ! 
Though   I   felt   the   severity  of   the   air  myself,  1 


22  ORIGINAL  TKAVELS   OF 

threw  my  mantle  over  liim,  and  immediately  1 
lieard  a  voice  i\<m\  the  heavens,  blessing  me  for 
that  piece  of  charity,  saying — 

''  You  will  be  rewarded,  my  son,  for  this  in 
time." 

I  went  on  :  night  and  darkness  overtook  me.  No 
village  was  to  be  seen.  The  country  was  covered 
with  snow,  and  I  was  unacquainted  with  the  road. 

Tired,  I  alighted,  and  fastened  my  horse  to  some- 
thing, like  a  pointed  stump  of  a  tree,  which  ap- 
peared above  the  snow ;  for  the  sake  of  safety,  I 
}fhiced  my  pistols  under  my  arm,  and  laid  down  on 
the  snow,  where  I  slept  so  "soundly  that  I  did  not 
open  my  eyes  till  full  daylight.  It  is  not  easy  to 
conceive  my  astonishment,  to  find  myself  in  the 
midst  of  a  village,  lying  in  a  churchyard  ;  nor  was 
my  horse  to  be  seen,  but  I  heard  him  soon  after 
neigh  somewhere  above  me.  On  looking  upwards, 
I  beheld  him  hanging  by  his  bridle  to  the  weather- 
cock of  the  steeple.  Matters  were  now  very  plain 
to  me :  the  village  had  been  covered  with  snow 
over-night ;  a  sudden  change  of  weather  had  taken 
place;  I  had  sunk  dow^n  to  the  churchyard,  while 
asleep,  gently,  and  in  the  same  proportion  as  the 


BARON  MdNCHAUSEN.  '>?> 

snow  had  melted  away  ;  and  what  in  the  dark  I  had 
taken  to  be  a  stump  of  a  little  tree  appearing  above 
the  snow,  to  which  I  had  tied  my  horse,  proved  to 
have  been  the  cross  or  weather-cock  of  the  steeple. 

Without  long  consideration,  I  took  one  of  my  pis- 
tols, shot  the  bridle  in  two,  brought  down  the  horse, 
and  proceeded  on  my  journey.  [Here  the  Baron 
seems  to  have  forgot  his  feelings ;  he  should  cer- 
tainly have  ordered  his  horse  a  feed  of  corn,  after 
fasting  so  long.] 

He  carried  me  w^ell.  Advancing  into  the  interior 
parts  of  Kussia,  I  found  travelling  on  horseback 
rather  unfashionable  in  winter ;  therefore  I  submit- 
ted, as  I  always  do,  to  the  custom  of  the  country, 
took  a  single-horse  sledge,  and  drove  briskly  to- 
wards St.  Petersburg!!.  I  do  not  exactly  recollect 
whether  it  was  in  Eastland  or  Jugemanland,  but  I 
remember  that  in  the  midst  of  a  dreary  forest,  1 
spied  a  terrible  wolf  making  after  me,  with  all  the 
speed  of  ravenous  winter  hunger.  He  soon  over- 
took me.  There  was  no  possibility  of  escape.  Me- 
chanically I  laid  myself  down  flat  in  the  sledge, 
and  let  my  horse  run  for  our  safety.  What  I 
wished,  but  hardly  hoped  or  expected,  happened 


24  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

immediately  after.  The  wolf  did  not  mind  me  in 
the  least,  but  took  a  leap  over  me,  and  falling  fu- 
riously on  the  horse,  began  instantly  to  tear  and  de- 
vour the  hind  part  of  the  poor  animal,  which  ran 
the  faster  for  his  pain  and  terror.  Thus  unnoticed 
and  safe  myself,  I  lifted  my  head  slyly  up,  and  with 
horror  I  beheld  that  the  wolf  had  ate  his  way  into 
the  horse's  body ;  it  was  not  long  before  he  had 
fairly  forced  himself  into  it,  when  I  took  my  advan- 
tage, and  fell  upon  him  w^ith  the  but-end  of  my 
whip.  This  unexpected  attack  in  his  rear  fright- 
ened him  so  much,  that  he  leaped  forward  with  all 
his  might;  the  horse's  carcass  dropped  on  the 
ground  ;  but  in  his  place  the  wolf  was  in  the  har- 
ness, and  I  on  my  part  whipping  him  continually, 
we  both  arrived  in  full  career  safe  to  St.  Peters- 
burgh,  contrary  to  our  respective  expectations,  and 
very  much  to  the  astonishment  of  the  spectators. 

I  shall  not  tire  you,  gentlemen,  w^ith  the  politics, 
arts,  sciences,  and  history  of  this  magnificent  me- 
tropolis of  Russia  ;  nor  trouble  you  with  the  various 
intrigues  and  pleasant  adventures  I  had  in  the  po- 
liter circles  of  that  country,  where  the  lady  of  the 
house  always  receives  the  visitor  with  a  dram  and  a 


BARON    MUNCHAUSEN. 


25 


salute.  I  shall  confine  myself  rather  to  the  greater 
and  nobler  objects  of  your  attention,  horses  and 
dogs,  my  favorites  in  the  brute  creation;  also  to 
foxes,  wolves,  and  bears,  with  which,  and  game  in 
general,  Russia  abounds  more  than  any  other  part 
of  the  world ;  and  to  such  sports,  manly  exercises, 
and  feats  of  gallantry  and  activity,  as  show  the 
gentleman  better  than  musty  Greek  or  Latin,  or  all 
the  perfume,  finery,  and  capers  of  French  wits,  or 
^etiirinaAtres. 


26 


OKIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


(t\x^l)ttx  l^\xttt. 


T  was  some  time  before  I  could 
obtain  a  commission  in  the  armj, 
and  for  several  months  I  was  per- 
fectly at  liberty  to  sport  away  my 
time  and  money  in  the  most  gen- 
tleman-like manner.  You  may 
easily  imagine  that  I  spent  much  of  both  out  of 
town,  with  such  gallant  fellows  as  knew  how  to 
make  the  most  of  an  open  forest  country.  The 
very  recollection  of  those  amusements  gives  me 
fresh  spirits,  and  creates  a  warm  wish  for  a  repeti- 
tion of  them.  One  morning  I  saw  through  the 
windows  of  my  bedroom,  that  a  large  pond,  not  far 
off,  was  covered  with  wild  ducks.  In  an  instant  I 
took  my  gun  from  the  corner,  ran  down-stairs  and 
out  of  the  house  in  such  a  hurry,  that  I  imprudent- 
ly struck  my  face  against  the  door-post.     Fire  flew 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  27 

out  of  my  eyes,  but  it  did  not  prevent  my  inten- 
tion ;  I  soon  came  within  shot,  when,  levelling  my 
piece,  I  observed,  to  my  sorrow,  that  even  the  flint 
had  sprung  from  the  cock,  by  the  violence  of  the 
shock  I  had  just  received.  There  was  no  time  to  be 
lost.  I  pres*ently  remembered  the  effect  it  had  on 
my  eyes,  therefore  opened  the  pan,  levelled  my 
piece  against  the  wild  fowls,  and  my  fist  against 
one  of  my  eyes.  [The  Baron's  eyes  have  retained 
fire  ever  since,  and  appear  particularly  illumina- 
ted when  he  relates  this  anecdote.]  A  hearty  blow 
drew  sparks  again ;  the  shot  went  off,  and  I  killed 
fifty  brace  of  ducks,  twenty  widgeons,  and  three 
couple  of  teals.  Presence  of  mind  is  the  soul  of 
manl}^  exercises.  If  soldiers  and  sailors  owe  to  it 
many  of  their  lucky  escapes,  hunters  and  sportsmen 
are  not  less  beholden  to  it  for  many  of  their  suc- 
cesses. In  a  noble  forest  in  Russia,  I  met  a  fine 
black  fox,  whose  valuable  skin  it  would  have  been 
a  pity  to  tear  by  ball  or  shot.  Reynard  stood  close 
to  a  tree.  In  a  twinkling  I  took  out  my  ball,  and 
placed  a  good  spike  nail  in  its  room,  fired,  and  hit 
him  so  cleverly  that  I  nailed  his  brush  fast  to  the 
tree.     I  now  went  up  to  him,  took  out  my  hanger, 


28  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

gave  him  a  cross-cut  over  the  face,  laid  hold  of  my 
whip,  and  fairly  flogged  him  out  of  his  fine  skin. 

Chance  and  good  luck  often  correct  our  mis- 
takes ;  of  this  I  had  a  singular  instance  soon  after, 
when,  in  the  depth  of  a  forest,  I  saw  a  wild  pig 
and  sow  running  close  behind  each  oth^r.  My  ball 
had  missed  them,  yet  the  foremost  pig  only  ran 
away,  and  the  sow  stood  motionless,  as  fixed  to  the 
ground.  On  examining  into  the  matter,  I  found 
the  latter  one  to  be  an  old  sow,  blind  with  age, 
which  had  taken  hold  of  her  pig's  tail,  in  order  to 
be  led  along  by  filial  duty.  My  ball  having  passed 
between  the  two,  had  cut  his  leading-string,  which 
the  old  sow  continued  to  hold  in  her  mouth ;  and 
as  her  former  guide  did  not  draw  her  on  any  longer, 
she  had  stopped  of  course  ;  I  therefore  laid  hold  of 
the  remaining  end  of  the  pig's  tail,  and  led  the  old 
beast  home  without  any  farther  trouble  on  my  part, 
and  without  any  reluctance  or  apprehension  on  the 
part  of  the  helpless  old  animal. 

Terrible  as  these  wild  sows  are,  yet  more  fierce 
and  dangerous  are  the  boars,  one  of  which  I  had 
once  the  misfortune  to  meet  in  a  forest,  unprepared 
for  attack  or  defence.     I  retired  behind  an  oak-tree, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  29 

just  when  the  furious  animal  levelled  a  side-blow  at 
me,  with  such  force  that  his  tusks  pierced  through 
the  tree,  by  which  means  he  could  neither  repeat 
the  blow  nor  retire.  Ho,  ho !  thought  I,  I  shall 
soon  have  you  now ;  and  immediately  I  laid  hold 
of  a  stone,  wherewith  I  hammered  and  bent  his 
tusks  in  such  a  manner,  that  he  could  not  retreat 
by  any  means,  and  must  wait  my  return  from  the 
next  village,  whither  I  went  for  ropes  and  a  cart,  to 
secure  him  properly,  and  to  carry  him  off  safe  and 
alive,  in  which  I  perfectly  succeeded. 


30 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


(Klurpti^v  |aur. 


^  ^  OU  have  heard,  I  dare  say,  of  the 
hunter's  and  sportsman's  saint 
and  j)rotector  St.  Hnbert ;  and  of 
the  noble  stag,  which  appeared  to 
him  in  tlie  forest,  with  the  holy 
cross  between  his  antlers.  I  have  paid  mj  homage 
to  that  saint  every  year  in  good  fellowship,  and 
seen  this  stag  a  thousand  times,  either  painted  in 
churches,  or  embroidered  in  the  stars  of  his  knights  ; 
so  that,  upon  the  honor  and  conscience  of  a  good 
sportsman,  I  hardly  know  whether  there  may  not 
have  been  formerly,  or  whether  there  are  not  such 
crossed  stags  even  at  this  present  day.  But  let  me 
rather  tell  what  I  have  seen  myself.  Having  one 
day  spent  all  my  shot,  I  found  myself  unexpectedly 
in  presence  of  a  stately  stag,  looking  at  me  as  un- 
concernedly as  if  he  had  known  of  my  empty 
pouches.     I  charged  immediately  with  powder,  and 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  31 

upon  it  a  good  handful  of  clierry-stones,  for  I  had 
sucked  the  fruit  as  far  as  the  hurry  would  permit. 
Tlius  I  let  fly  at  him,  and  hit  him  just  on  the  mid- 
dle of  the  forehead,  between  his  antlers ;  it  stunned 
him — he  staggered — yet  he  made  off.  A  year  or 
two  after,  being  with  a  party  in  the  same  forest,  I 
beheld  a  noble  stag  with  a  fine  full-grown  cherry- 
tree  above  ten  feet  high  between  his  antlers.  I  im- 
mediately recollected  my  former  adventure,  looked 
upon  him  as  my  property,  and  brought  him  to  the 
ground  by  one  shot,  whicli  at  once  gave  me  the 
haunch  and  cherry-sauce  ;  for  the  tree  was  covered 
with  the  richest  fruit,  the  like  I  had  never  tasted 
before.  Who  knows  but  some  passionate  holy 
sportsman,  or  sporting  abbot,  or  bishop,  may  have 
shot,  planted,  and  fixed  the  cross  between  the  ant- 
lers of  St.  Hubert's  stag,  in  a  manner  similar  to  this  ? 
They  have  always  been,  and  still  are,  famous  for 
plantations  of  crosses  and  antlers ;  and  in  a  case  of 
distress  or  dilemma,  which  too  often  happens  to 
keen  sportsmen,  one  is  apt  to  grasp  at  any  thing  for 
safety,  and  to  try  any  expedient,  rather  than  miss 
the  favorable  opportunity.  I  have  many  times 
found  myself  in  that  trying  situation. 


32  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

What  do  you  say  of  this,  for  example  ?  Daylight 
and  powder  were  spent  one  day  in  a  Polish  forest. 
When  I  was  going  home,  a  terrible  bear  made  up 
to  me  in  great  speed,  with  open  mouth  ready  to  fall 
upon  me ;  all  my  pockets  were  searched  in  an  instant 
for  powder  and  ball,  but  in  vain.  I  found  nothing 
but  two  spare  flints  ;  one  I  flung  w^ith  all  my  might 
into  the  monster's  open  jaws,  down  his  throat.  It 
gave  him  pain  and  made  him  turn  about,  so  that  I 
could  level  the  second  at  his  back-door,  which,  in- 
deed, I  did  with  wonderful  success  ;  for  it  flew  in, 
met  the  first  flint  in  the  stomach,  struck  fire,  and 
blew  up  the  bear  with  a  terrible  explosion.  Though 
I  came  off  safe  that  time,  yet  I  should  not  wish  to 
try  it  again,  or  venture  against  bears  with  no  other 
ammunition. 

There  is  a  kind  of  fatality  in  it.  The  fiercest  and 
most  dangerous  animals  generally  came  upon  me 
when  defenceless,  as  if  they  had  a  notion  or  an  in- 
stinctive intimation  of  it.  Thus  a  frightful  wolf 
rushed  upon  me  so  suddenly,  and  so  close,  that  I 
could  do  nothing  but  follow  mechanical  instinct, 
and  thrust  my  fist  into  his  open  mouth.  For  safe- 
ty's sake  I  pushed  on  and  on,  tilt  my  arm  was  fairly 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  33 

in  up  to  the  shoulder.  How  should  I  disengage 
myself?  I  was  not  much  pleased  with  my  awk- 
ward situation — with  a  wolf  face  to  face — our  ogling 
was  not  of  the  most  pleasant  kind.  If  I  withdrew 
my  arm,  then  the  animal  would  fly  the  more  fu- 
riously upon  me  ;  that  I  saw  in  his  flaming  eyes. 
In  short,  I  laid  hold  of  his  tail,  turned  him  inside 
out  like  a  glove,  and  flung  him  to  the  ground, 
where  I  left  him. 

The  same  expedient  would  not  have  answered 
against  a  mad-dog,  which  soon  after  came  running 
against  me  in  a  narrow  street  at  St.  Petersburgh. 
Run  who  can,  I  thought ;  and  to  do  this  the  better, 
I  threw  off  my  fur-cloak,  and  was  safe  within-doors 
in  an  instant.  I  sent  my  servant  for  the  cloak,  and 
he  put  it  in  the  wardrobe  with  my  other  clothes. 
The  day  after  I  was  amazed  and  frightened  by 
Jack's  bawling,  'Tor  God's  sake,  sir,  your  fur- 
cloak  is  mad!"  I  hastened  up  to  him,  and  found 
almost  all  my  clothes  tossed  about  and  torn  to  pieces. 
The  fellow  was  perfectly  right  in  his  apprehensions 
about  the  fur-cloak's  madness.  I  saw  him  myself 
just  then  falling  upon  a  fine  full-dress  suit,  which  he 
shook  and  tossed  in  an  unmerciful  manner. 


34 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(£\xn\iittv  iivt. 


LL  these  narrow  and  lucky  es- 
capes, gentlemen,  were  chan- 
ces turned  to  advantage,  by 
presence  of  mind  and  vig- 
.^,  orous  exertions ;  which  taken 
together,  as  everybody  knows, 
make  the  fortunate  sportsman,  sailor,  and  soldier; 
but  he  would  be  a  very  blamable  and  imprudent 
sportsman,  admiral,  or  general,  who  would  always 
depend  upon  chance  and  his  stars,  without  troub- 
ling himself  about  those  arts  which  are  their  j^artic- 
ular  j)nrsuits,  and  without  providing  the  veiy  best 
implements  which  insure  success.  I  was  not 
blamable  either  way ;  for  I  have  always  been  as  re- 
markable for  the  excellency  of  my  horses,  dogs,  guns, 
and  swords,  as  for  the  proper  manner  of  using  and 
managing  them,  so  that  upon  the  whole  I  may  hope 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  35 

to  be  remembered  in  the  forest,  upon  the  turf,  and 
in  tlie  field.  I  shall  not  enter  here  into  any  detail 
of  my  stables,  kennel,  or  armory ;  but  a  favorite 
bitch  of  mine  I  cannot  help  mentioning  to  you — 
she  was  a  greyhound,  and  I  never  had  or  saw  a  bet- 
ter. She  grew  old  in  my  service,  and  was  not  re- 
markable for  her  size,  but  rather  for  her  uncommon 
swiftness.  I  always  coursed  with  her.  Had  you 
seen  her,  you  must  have  admired  her,  and  would 
not  have  wondered  at  my  predilection,  and  at  my 
coursing  her  so  much.  She  ran  so  fast,  so  much, 
and  so  long  in  my  service,  that  slie  actually  ran  off 
her  legs ;  so  that,  in  the  latter  part  of  her  life,  I 
was  under  the  necessity  of  working  and  using  her 
only  as  a  terrier,  in  which  quality  she  still  served 
me  many  years. 

Coursing  one  day  a  hare,  which  appeared  to  me 
uncommonly  big,  I  pitied  my  poor  bitch,  being  big 
with  pups,  yet  she  would  course  as  fast  as  ever.  I 
could  follow  her  on  horseback  only  at  a  great  dis- 
tance. At  once  I  heard  a  cry  as  it  were  of  a  pack 
of  hounds — but  so  weak  and  faint  that  I  hardly 
knew  what  to  make  of  it.     Coming  up  to  them,  I 

was  greatly  surprised.     The  liare   had   littered   in 

3« 


36  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

running;  the  same  had  happened  to  my  bitch  in 
coursing — and  there  were  just  as  many  leverets  as 
pups.  By  instinct  the  former  ran,  the  latter 
coursed ;  and  thus  I  found  myself  in  possession  at 
once  of  six  hares,  and  as  many  dogs,  at  the  end  of 
a  course  wliich  had  only  begun  with  one. 

I  remember  this,  my  wonderful  bitch,  with  the 
same  pleasure  and  tenderness  as  a  superb  Lithua- 
nian horse,  which  no  money  could  have  bought. 
He  became  mine  by  an  accident,  which  gave  me  an 
opportunity  of  showing  my  horsemanship  to  a  great 
advantage.  I  was  at  Count  Przobossky's  noble 
country-seat  in  Lithuania,  and  remained  with  the 
ladies  at  tea  in  the  drawing-room,  while  the  gentle- 
men were  down  in  the  yard,  to  see  a  young  horse 
of  blood,  which  had  just  arrived  from  the  stud. 
We  suddenly  heard  a  noise  of  distress ;  I  hastened 
down-stairs,  and  found  the  horse  so  unruly,  that  no- 
body durst  approach  or  mount  him.  The  most  res- 
olute horsemen  stood  dismayed  and  aghast;  de- 
spondency was  expressed  in  every  countenance, 
when,  in  one  leap,  I  was  on  his  back,  took  him  by 
surprise,  and  worked  him  quite  into  gentleness  and 
obedience,  with  tlie  best  display  of  horsemanship  I 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  37 

was  master  of.  Fully  to  show  this  to  the  ladies, 
and  save  them  unnecessary  trouble,  I  forced  him  to 
leap  in  at  one  of  the  open  windows  of  the  tea-room, 
walked  round  several  times,  pace,  trot,  and  gallop  ; 
and  at  last  made  him  mount  the  tea-table,  there  to 
repeat  his  lessons,  in  a  pretty  style  of  miniature — 
which  was  exceedingly  pleasing  to  the  ladies,  for 
he  performed  them  amazingly  well,  and  did  not 
break  either  cup  or  saucer.  It  placed  me  so  high 
in  their  opinion,  and  so  well  in  that  of  the  noble 
lord,  that,  with  his  usual  politeness,  he  begged  1 
would  accept  of  this  young  horse,  and  ride  him  full 
career  to  conquest  and  honor,  in  the  campaign 
against  the  Turks,  which  was  soon  to  be  opened, 
under  the  command  of  Count  Munich. 

I  could  not  indeed  have  received  a  more  agreea- 
ble present,  nor  a  more  ominous  one  at  the  opening 
of  that  campaign,  in  which  I  made  my  apprentice- 
ship as  a  soldier.  A  horse  so  gentle,  so  spirited, 
and  so  fierce — at  once  a  lamb  and  a  Bucephalus — 
put  me  always  in  mind  of  the  soldier's  and  the  gen- 
tleman's duty ;  of  young  Alexander,  and  of  the  as- 
tonishing things  he  performed  in  the  field. 

We  took  the  field,  among  several  other  reasons. 


38  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

it  seems,  with  an  intention  to  retrieve  the  character 
of  the  Russian  arms,  which  had  been  blemished  a 
little  by  Czar  Peter's  last  campaign  on  the  Pruth  ; 
and  this  we  I'nlly  accomplislied  by  several  very  fa- 
tiguing and  glorious  campaigns  under  the  com- 
mand of  that  great  general  I  mentioned  before. 

Modesty  forbids  individuals  to  arrogate  to  them- 
selves great  successes  or  victories,  the  glory  of 
which  is  generally  engrossed  by  the  commander, 
nay,  which  is  rather  awkward,  by  kings  and  queens, 
who  never  smelt  gunpowder  but  at  the  field-days 
and  reviews  of  their  troops ;  never  saw  a  field  of 
battle,  or  an  enemy  in  battle  array. 

Nor  do  I  claim  any  particular  share  of  glory  in 
the  great  engagements  with  the  enemy.  We  did 
our  duty,  which,  in  the  patriot's,  soldiers,  and  gen- 
tleman's language,  is  a  very  comprehensive  word, 
of  great  honor,  meaning,  and  import,  and  of  which 
the  generality  of  idle  quidnuncs  and  coffee-house 
politicians  can  hardly  form  any  but  a  very  mean 
and  contemptible  idea.  However,  having  had  the 
command  of  a  body  of  hussars,  I  went  upon  several 
expeditions,  with  discretionary  powers ;  and  the 
success  I  then  met  with  is,  I  think,  fairly  and  only 


BARON   MUNCHAUSEN.  39 

to  be  placed  to  my  account,  and  to  that  of  tlie 
brave  fellows  whom  I  led  on  to  conquest  and  to 
victory.  We  had  very  hot  work  once  in  the  van 
of  the  army,  when  we  dro^^e  the  Turks  into  Ocza- 
kow.  My  spirited  Lithuanian,  had  almost  brought 
m.e  into  a  scrape  ;  I  had  an  advanced  fore-post,  and 
saw  the  enemy  coming  against  me  in  a  cloud  of 
dust,  which  left  me  rather  uncertain  about  their  ac- 
tual numbers  and  real  intentions  :  to  wrap  myself  up 
in  a  similar  cloud  was  common  prudence,  but  would 
not  have  much  advanced  my  knowledge,  or  an- 
swered the  end  for  which  I  had  been  sent  out ; 
therefore  I  let  my  flankers  on  both  wings  spread  to 
the  right  and  left,  and  make  what  dust  they  could, 
and  I  myself  led  on  straight  upon  the  enemy,  to 
have  a  nearer  sight  of  them ;  in  this  I  was  gratified, 
fur  they  stood  and  fought,  till,  for  fear  of  my  flank- 
ei's,  they  began  to  move  off  rather  disorderly.  This 
was  the  moment  to  fall  upon  them  with  spirit ; — 
we  broke  them  entirely — made  a  terrible  havoc 
among  them,  and  drove  them  not  only  back  to  a 
walled  town' in  their  rear,  but  even  through  it,  con 
trary  to  our  most  sanguine  expectation. 

The  swiftness  of  my  Lithuanian  enabled  me  to  b« 


40  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

foremost  in  the  pursuit ;  and  seeing  the  enemy  fairly 
flying  througli  the  opposite  gate,  I  thought  it  would 
be  prudent  to  stop  in  the  market-place,  to  order  the 
men  to  rendezvous.  I  stopped,  gentlemen;  but 
judge  of  my  astonishment,  when  in  this  market- 
place I  saw  not  one  of  my  hussars  about  me  !  Are 
they  scouring  the  other  streets  ?  or  what  is  become 
of  them  ?  They  could  not  be  far  off,  and  must,  at 
all  events,  soon  join  me.  In  that  expectation  I 
walked  my  panting  Lithuanian  to  a  spring  in  this 
market-place,  and  let  him  drink.  He  drank  un- 
commonly— with  an  eagerness  not  to  be  satisfied, 
but  natural  enough,  for  when  I  looked  round  for 
my  men,  what  should  I  see,  gentlemen — the  hind- 
part  of  the  poor  creature,  croup  and  legs,  were  miss- 
ing, as  if  he  had  been  cut  in  two,  and  the  water  ran 
out  as  it  came  in,  without  refreshing  or  doing  him 
any  good !  How  it  could  have  hajDpened  was 
quite  a  mystery  to  me,  till  I  returned  with  him  to 
the  town-gate.  There  I  saw,  that  when  I  rushed  in 
pell-mell  with  the  flying  enemy,  they  had  dropped 
the  portcullis  (a  heavy  falling  door,  with  sharp 
spikes  at  the  bottom,  let  down  suddenly,  to  prevent 
the  entrance  of  an  enemy  into  a  fortified  town),  un- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


41 


perceived  by  me,  which  had  totally  cut  off  his  hind 
part,  that  still  lay  quivering  on  the  outside  of  the 
gate.  It  would  have  been  an  irreparable  loss,  had 
not  our  farrier  contrived  to  bring  both  parts  togeth- 
er while  hot.  He  sewed  them  up  with  sprigs  and 
young  shoots  of  laurel  that  were  at  hand.  The 
wound  healed  ;  and  what  could  not  have  happened 
but  to  so  glorious  a  horse,  the  sprigs  took  root  in  his 
body,  grew  up,  and  formed  a  bower  over  me ;  so 
that  afterwards  I  could  go  upon  many  other  expe- 
ditions in  the  shade  of  my  own  and  my  horse's 
laurels. 


4* 


42 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


(&\tix\)ttx  cfixtft. 


WAS  not  always  successful.  I  had 
the  misfortune  to  be  overpowered 
by  numbers;  to  be  made  prisoner 
of  war ;  and  what  is  worse,  but  al- 
ways usual  among  the  Turks,  to  be 
sold  for  a  slave.  [The  Baron  was 
afterwards  in  great  favor  with  the  Grand  Seignior,  as 
will  appear  hereafter.]  In  that  state  of  humiliation, 
my  daily  task  was  not  very  hard  and  laborious,  but 
rather  singular  and  irksome.  It  was  to  drive  the 
Sultan's  bees  every  morning  to  their  pasture- 
grounds,  to  attend  them  all  the  day  long,  and  against 
night  to  drive  them  back  to  their  hives.  One  even- 
ing I  missed  a  bee,  and  soon  observed  that  two 
bears  had  fallen  upon  her  to  tear  her  to  pieces  for 
the  honey  she  .carried.  I  had  nothiug  like  an  offen- 
sive weapon  in  my  hands  but  the  silver  hatchet, 


BARON  AiUNCHAUSEN.  43 

wliicli  is  the  badge  of  the  Sultan's  gardeners  and 
farmers.  I  threw  it  at  the  robbers  witli  an  inten- 
tion to  frighten  them  away,  and  set  the  poor  bee  at 
liberty  ;  bnt,  by  an  unlucky  turn  of  my  arm,  it  flew 
upwards,  and  continued  rising  till  it  reached  the 
moon.  How  should  I  recover  it?  how  fetch  it 
down  again  ?  I  recollected  that  Turkey-beans  grow 
very  quick,  and  run  up  to  an  astonishing  height.  I 
planted  one  immediately  :  it  grew,  and  actually  fast- 
ened itself  to  one  of  the  moon's  horns.  I  had  no 
more  to  do  now  but  to  climb  up  by  it  into  the  moon, 
where  I  safely  arrived,  and  had  a  troublesome  pjece 
of  business  before  I  could  find  my  silver  hatchet,  in 
a  place  where  every  thing  has  the  brightness  of  sil- 
ver :  at  last,  however,  I  found  it  in  a  heap  of  chaff 
and  chopped  straw.  I  was  now  for  returning  ;  but, 
alas  !  the  heat  of  the  sun  had  dried  up  my  bean  ;  it 
was  totally  useless  for  my  descent :  so  I  fell  to  work, 
and  twisted  me  a  rope  of  that  chopped  straw,  as 
long  and  as  well  as  I  could  make  it.  This  I  fastened 
to  one  of  the  moon's  horns,  and  slid  down  to  the 
end  of  it.  Here  I  held  myself  fast  with  the  left 
hand ;  and,  with  the  hatchet  in  my  right,  I  cut  tlie 
long,  now  useless  end  of  the  upper  part,  which. 


44  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

when  tied  to  the  lower  end,  brought  me  a  good  deal 
lower.  This  repeated  splicing  and  tying  of  the 
rope  did  not  improve  its  quality,  or  bring  me  down 
to  the  Sultan's  farms.  I  was  four  or  five  miles  from 
the  earth  at  least,  when  it  broke  :  I  fell  to  the 
ground  with  such  amazing  violence,  that  I  felt  my- 
self stunned,  and  in  a  hole  nine  fathoms  deej)  at 
least,  made  by  the  weight  of  my  body  falling  from 
BO  great  a  height.  I  recovered,  but  knew  not  how 
to  get  out  again  :  however,  I  dug  slopes  or  steps 
with  my  finger-nails  [the  Baron's  nails  were  then  of 
forty  years'  growth],  and  easily  accomplished  it. 

Peace  was  soon  after  concluded  with  the  Turks ; 
and  gaining  my  liberty,  I  left  St.  Petersburg  at  the 
time  of  that  singular  revolution,  when  the  emperor, 
in  his  cradle,  his  mother,  the  Duke  of  Brunswick, 
her  father.  Field-marshal  Munich,  and  many  others 
Avere  sent  to  Siberia.  The  winter  was  then  so  un- 
commonly severe  all  over  Europe,  that  ever  since 
the  sun  seems  to  be  frost-bitten.  At  my  return  to 
this  place,  I  felt  on  the  road  greater  inconveniences 
than  those  I  had  experienced  on  my  setting  out. 

I  travelled  post,  and  finding  myself  in  a  narrow 
lane,  bid  the  postillion  give  a  signal  with  his  horn. 


BAEON    MUNCHAUSEN.  45 

that  other  travellers  might  not  meet  us  in  the  narrow 
passage.  He  blew  with  all  his  might ;  but  his  en- 
deavors were  in  vain,  he  could  not  make  the  horn 
sound ;  which  was  unaccountable,  and  rather  unfor- 
tunate, for  soon  after  we  found  ourselves  in  the 
presence  of  another  coach  coming  the  other  way. 
There  was  no  proceeding  ;  however,  I  got  out  of  my 
carriage,  and  being  pretty  strong,  placed  it,  wheels 
and  all,  upon  my  head.  I  then  jumped  over  a 
hedge  about  nine  feet  high  (which,  considering  the 
weight  of  the  coach,  was  rather  difficult)  into  a  field, 
and  came  out  again  by  another  jump  into  the  road 
beyond  the  other  carriage.  I  then  went  back  for 
the  horses,  and  placing  one  upon  my  head,  and  the 
other  under  my  left  arm,  by  the  same  means  brought 
them  to  my  coach,  put  to,  and  proceeded  to  an  inn 
at  the  end  of  our  stage.  I  should  have  told  you,  that 
the  horse  under  my  arm  was  very  spirited,  and  not 
above  four  years  old  :  in  making  my  second  spring 
over  the  hedge,  he  expressed  great  dislike  to  that 
violent  kind  of  motion,  by  kicking  and  snorting ; 
however,  I  confined  his  hind-legs,  by  putting  them 
into  my  coat-pocket.  After  we  arrived  at  the  inn, 
my  postillion  and  I  refreshed  ourselves :  he  hung  his 


46  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS,  ETC. 

horn  on  a  peg  near  the  kitchen  fire ;  I  sat  on  the 
other  side. 

Snddenly  we  heard  a  Tereng  !  tereng  !  teng  !  teng  ! 
We  looked  around,  and  now  found  the  reason  why 
the  postillion  had  not  been  able  to  sound  his  horn  ; 
his  tunes  were  frozen  up  in  the  horn,  and  came  out 
now  by  thawing,  plain  enough,  and  much  to  the 
credit  of  the  driver ;  so  that  the  honest  fellow  en- 
tertained us  for  some  time  with  a  variety  of  tunes, 
without  putting  his  mouth  to  the  horn — The  King 
of  Prussia's  March — Over  the  Hill  and  over  the 
Dale — with  many  other  favorite  tunes :  at  length 
the  thawing  entertainment  concluded,  as  I  shall  this 
short  account  of  my  Russian  travels. 

Some  travellers  are  ajyt  to  advance  more  than  is 
perhaps  strictly  true  j  if  any  of  the  comjpany  enter- 
tain a  doubt  of  my  veracity^  I  shall  only  say  to 
such^  I  pity  their  want  of  faith^  and  must  request 
they  will  take  leave  hefore  Ihegin  the  second  part  of 
my  adventures^  which  are  as  strictly  founded  in 
fact  as  those  I  have  already  related. 


THE  CAR  ON  CARRIES  THE  COACH  ON  HIS  BACK. 


TRAVELS 


OF 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


PAR  Til. 


(^lx^)ttx  3t\!tnUx. 


EMBAEKED  at  Portsmouth  in  a 
first-rate  English  man-of-war,  of 
one  hundred  guns,  and  fourteen 
hundred  men,  for  North  America. 
-  ]^othing  worth  relating  happened 
till  we  arrived  within  three  hun- 
dred leagues  of  the  river  St.  Lawrence,  when  the  ship 
struck  with  amazing  force  against  (as  we  supposed) 
a  rock  ;  however,  upon  heaving  the  lead,  we  could 
find  no  bottom,  even  with  three  hundred  fathom. 
What  made  this  circumstance  the  more  wonderful, 
and  indeed  beyond  all  comprehension,  was,  that  the 


48  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

violence  of  the  shock  was  such  that  we  lost  our  rud- 
der, broke  our  bowsprit  in  the  middle,  and  split  all 
our  masts  from  top  to  bottom,  two  of  which  went  by 
the  board.  A  poor  fellow,  who  was  aloft,  furling  the 
main-sheet,  was  flung  at  least  three  leagues  from  the 
ship ;  but  he  fortunately  saved  his  life  by  laying 
hold  of  the  tail  of  a  large  sea-gull,  who  brought  him 
back,  and  lodged  him  on  the  very  spot  from  whence 
he  was  thrown.  Another  proof  of  the  violence  of 
the  shock  was  the  force  with  which  the  people 
between-decks  were  driven  against  the  floors  above 
them;  my  head  particularly  was  pressed  into  my 
stomach,  where  it  continued  some  months  before  it 
recovered  its  natural  situation.  Whilst  we  were  all 
in  a  state  of  astonishment  at  the  general  and  unac- 
countable confusion  in  which  we  were  involved,  the 
whole  was  suddenly  explained  by  the  appearance  of 
a  large  whale,  who  had  been  basking  asleep,  with- 
in sixteen  feet  of  the  surface  of  the  water.  This  ani- 
mal was  so  much  displeased  with  the  disturbance 
which  our  ship  had  given  him,  for  in  our  passage  we 
had  with  our  rudder  scratched  his  nose,  that  he  beat 
in  all  the  gallery  and  part  of  the  quarter-deck  with 
his  tail,  and  almost  the  same  instant  took  the  main- 


BAKON  xMUNCHAUSEN.  iO 

sheet  anchor,  which  was  suspended,  as  it  usually  is, 
from  the  head,  between  his  teeth,  and  ran  away  with 
the  ship,  at  least  sixty  leagues,  at  the  rate  of  twelve 
leagues  an  hour,  when  fortunately  the  cable  broke, 
and  we  lost  both  the  whale  and  the  anchor.  How- 
ever, upon  our  return  to  Europe  some  months  after, 
we  found  the  same  whale  within  a  few  leagues  of 
the  same  spot,  floating  dead  upon  the  water ;  it 
measured  above  half  a  mile  in  length.  As  we  could 
take  but  a  small  quantity  of  such  a  monstrous  ani- 
mal on  board,  we  got  our  boats  out,  and  with  much 
difficulty  cut  off  his  head,  where,  to  our  great  joy, 
we  found  the  anchor,  and  above  forty  fathom  of  the 
cable  concealed  on  the  left  side  of  his  mouth,  just  un- 
der his  tongue.  [Perhaps  this  was  the  cause  of  his 
death,  as  that  side  of  his  tongue  was  much  swelled, 
with  a  great  degree  of  inflammation.]  This  was  the 
only  extraordinary  circumstance  that  happened  on 
this  voyage.  One  part  of  our  distress,  however,  I 
had  like  to  have  forgot :  while  the  whale  was  running 
away  with  the  ship,  she  sprung  a-leak,  and  the  wa- 
ter poured  in  so  fast,  that  all  our  pumps  could  not 
keep  us  from  sinking ;  it  was,  however,  my  good 
fortune  to  discover  it  first.     I  found  ii  a  large  hole 


50  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

about  a  foot  in  diameter.  You  will  naturally  sup- 
pose this  circumstance  gives  me  infinite  pleasure, 
when  I  inform  you,  that  this  noble  vessel  was  pre- 
served, with  all  its  crew,  by  a  most  fortunate 
thought !  In  short,  I  sat  down  over  it,  and  could  have 
dispensed  with  it  had  it  been  larger ;  nor  will  you 
be  surprised  when  I  inform  you  I  am  descended  from 
Dutch  parents.  [The  Baron's  ancestors  have  but 
lately  settled  there ;  in  another  part  of  his  adven- 
tures he  boasts  of  royal  blood.] 

My  situation,  while  I  sat  there,  was  rather  cool, 
but  the  carpenter's  art  soon  relieved  me. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  51 


WAS  once  in  great  danger  of  be- 
ing lost  in  a  most  singular  man- 
ner in  the  Mediterranean :  I  was 
bathing  in  that  pleasant  sea  near 
Marseilles,  one  summer's  afternoon, 
when  I  discovered  a  very  large 
fish,  with  his  jaws  quite  extended,  approaching  me 
with  the  greatest  velocity :  there  was  no  time  to  be 
lost,  nor  could  I  possibly  avoid  him.  I  immediately 
reduced  myself  to  as  small  a  size  as  possible,  by  clos- 
ing my  feet  and  placing  my  hands  also  near  my  sides, 
in  which  position  I  passed  directly  between  his  jaws, 
and  into  his  stomach,  where  I  remained  some  time 
in  total  darkness,  and  comfortably  warm  as  you 
may  imagine:  At  last  it  occurred  to  me,  that  by  giv- 
ing him  pain  he  would  be  glad  to  get  rid  of  me : 
as  I  had  plenty  of  room,  I  played  my  pranks,  such 


52  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS  OF 

as  tumbling,  hop,  step,  and  jump,  &c.,  but  nothing 
seemed  to  disturb  him  so  much  as  the  quick  motion 
of  mj  feet  in  attempting  to  dance  a  hornpipe.  Soon 
after  I  began,  he  put  me  out,  by  sudden  fits  and 
starts.  I  persevered  :  at  Last  he  roared  horridly,  and 
stood  up  almost  perpendicular  in  the  water,  with 
his  head  and  shoulders  exposed,  by  which  he  was 
discovered  by  the  people  on  board  an  Italian  trader, 
then  sailing  by,  who  harpooned  him  in  a  few  min- 
utes. As  soon  as  he  was  brought  on  board,  I  heard 
the  crew  consulting  how  they  should  cut  him  up,  so 
as  to  preserve  the  greatest  <jnantity  of  oil.  As  I 
understood  Italian,  I  was  in  most  dreadful  apprehen- 
sions lest  their  weapons  employed  in  this  business 
should  destroy  me  also ;  therefore  I  stood  as  near 
the  centre  as  possible,  for  there  was  room  enough  fur 
a  dozen  men  in  this  creature's  stomach,  and  I  natu- 
rally imagined  they  would  begin  with  the  extremi- 
ties :  however,  my  fears  were  soon  dispersed,  for 
they  began  by  opening  the  bottom  of  the  belly.  As 
soon  as  I  perceived  a  glimmering  of  light,  I  called 
out  lustily  to  be  released  from  a  situation  in  which 
I  was  now  almost  suffocated.  It  is  impossible  for  me 
to  do  justice  to  the  degree  and  kind  of  astonishment 


BARON  MUXCilAUSP:X. 


53 


which  sat  npon  every  countenance  at  hearing  a 
hiniian  voice  issue  from  a  lish,  hut  more  so  at  seeing 
a,  naked  man  walk  upright  out  of  his  body  ;  in  sliort, 
gentlemen,  I  tokl  them  the  whole  storj,  as  I.  have 
(l>ue  you,  whilst  amazement  struck  tlicm  dumb. 

After  taking  some  refreshment,  and  jumping  into 
the  sea  to  cleanse  mvself,  I  swam  t(»  mv  clothes, 
Wiiich  la}*  where  I  had  left  them  on  the  shore.  As 
near  as  I  can  calculate,  I  w^as  near  four  hours  and  a 

iialf  confined  in  the  stomacU  of  this  animal. 

50 


54 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


ffiftapt^r  §itith* 


HEN  I  was  in  the  service  of  the 
Turks,  I  frequently  amused  my- 
self in  a  pleasure-barge  on  the 
Marmora,  which  commands  a 
view  of  the  whole  city  of  Con- 
stantinople, including  the  Grand  Seignior's  seraglio. 
One  morning,  as  I  was  admiring  the  beauty  and 
serenity  of  the  sky,  I  observed  a  globular  sub- 
stance in  the  air,  which  appeared  to  be  about  the 
size  of  a  twelve-inch  globe,  with  somewhat  suspend- 
ed from  it.  I  immediately  took  up  my  largest  and 
longest  barrel  fowling-piece,  which  I  never  travel  or 
make  even  an  excursion  without,  if  I  can  help  it :  I 
charged  with  a  ball,  and  fired  at  the  globe ;  but  to 
no  purpose,  the  object  being  at  too  great  a  distance. 
I  then  put  in  a  double  quantity  of  powder,  and  five 
or  six  balls :  this  second  attempt  succeeded  ;  all  the 


^  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  55 

balls  took  effect,  and  tore  one  side  open,  and  brouglit 
it  down.  Judge  my  surprise,  when  a  most  elegant 
gilt  car,  with  a  man  in  it,  and  part  of  a  sheep 
which  seemed  to  have  been  roasted,  fell  within  two 
yards  of  me.  When  my  astonishment  had  in  some 
degree  subsided,  I  ordered  my  people  to  row  close 
to  this  strange  aerial  traveller. 

I  took  him  on  board  my  barge  (he  was  a  native 
of  France) :  he  was  much  indisposed  from  his  sud- 
den fall  into  the  sea,  and  incapable  of  speaking ;  af- 
ter some  time,  however,  he  recovered,  and  gave  the 
following  account  of  himself,  viz. :  "  About  seven  or 
eight  days  since,  I  cannot  tell  which,  for  I  have  lost 
my  reckoning,  having  been  most  of  the  time  where 
the  sun  never  sets,  I  ascended  from  the  Land's  End 
in  Cornwall,  in  the  island  of  Great  Britain,  in  the 
car  from  which  I  have  been  just  taken,  suspended 
from  a  very  large  balloon,  and  took  a  sheep  with 
me,  to  try  atmospheric  experiments  upon  :  unfortu- 
nately, the  wind  changed  within  ten  minutes  after 
my  ascent ;  and,  instead  of  driving  towards  Exeter, 
where  I  intended  to  land,  I  was  driven  towards  the 
sea,  over  which  I  suppose  1  have  continued  ever 
since,  but  much  too  high  to  make  observations. 


56  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

"  The  calls  of  hunger  were  so  pressing,  that  the 
intended'  experiments  upon  heat  and  respiration 
gave  way  to  them.  I  was  obliged,  on  the  third  day, 
to  kill  the  sheep  for  food ;  and  being  at  that  time 
infinitely  above  the  moon,  and  for  upwards  of  six- 
teen hours  after  so  very  near  the  sun  that  it  scorched 
my  eyebrows,  I  placed  tlie  carcass,  taking  care  to 
skin  it  first,  in  that  part  of  the  car  where  the  sun 
had  sufficient  power,  or,  in  other  words,  where  the 
balloon  did  not  shade  it  from  the  sun,  by  which 
method  it  was  well  roasted  in  about  two  hours. 
This  has  been  my  food  ever  since."  Here  he 
paused,  and  seemed  lost  in  viewing  the  objects 
about  him.  When  I  told  him  the  buildings  before 
us  were  the  Grand  Seignior's  seraglio  at  Constanti- 
nople, he  seemed  exceedingly  affected,  as  he  had 
supposed  himself  in  a  very  different  situation. 

"  The  cause,"  added  he,  "  of  my  long  flight,  was 
owing  to  the  failure  of  a  string  which  was  fixed  to 
a  valve  in  the  balloon,  intended  to  let  out  the  in- 
flammable air;  and  if  it  had  not  been  fired  at,  and 
rent  in  the  manner  before  mentioned,  I  might,  like 
Mahomet,  have  been  suspended  between  heaven 
and  earth  till  doomsday." 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  57 

The  Grand  Seignior,  to  whom  I  was  introduced 
by  the  Imperial,  Russian,  and  French  ambassadors, 
employed  me  to  negotiate  a  matter  of  great  impor- 
tance at  Grand  Cairo,  and  which  was  of  such  a  na- 
ture that  it  must  ever  remain  a  secret. 

I  went  there  in  great  state  hj  land ;  where,  hav- 
ing completed  the  business,  I  dismissed  almost  all 
my  attendants,  and  returned  like  a  private  gentle- 
man. The  weather  was  delightful,  and  that  famous 
river  the  Nile  was  beautiful  beyond  all  description ; 
in  short,  I  was  tempted  to  hire  a  barge,  to  descend 
by  water  to  Alexandria.  On  the  third  day  of  my 
voyage  the  river  began  to  rise  most  amazingly  (you 
have  all  heard,  I  presume,  of  the  annual  overflowing 
of  the  Nile),  and  on  the  next  day  it  spread  the  whole 
country  for  many  leagues  on  each  side !  On  the 
fifth,  at  sunrise,  my  barge  became  entangled  with 
what  I  at  first  took  for  shrubs ;  but  as  the  light 
became  stronger,  I  found  myself  surrounded  by  al- 
monds, which  were  perfectly  ripe,  and  in  the  high- 
est perfection.  Upon  plumbing  with  a  line,  my 
people  found  we  were  at  least  sixty  feet  from  the 
iiTound,  and  unable  to  advance  or  retreat.     At  about 

CD  ' 

eight  or  nine  o'clock,  as  near  as  I  could  judge  by 


58  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

the  altitude  of  the  sun,  the  wind  rose  suddenly,  and 
canted  our  barge  on  one  side :  here  she  filled,  and 
I  saw  no  more  of  her  for  some  time.  Fortunately 
we  all  saved  ourselves  (six  men  and  two  boys)  by 
clinging  to  the  tree,  the  boughs  of  which  were  equal 
to  our  weight,  though  not  to  that  of  the  barge :  in 
this  situation  we  continued  six  weeks  and  three  days, 
living  upon  the  almonds ;  I  need  not  inform  you  we 
had  plenty  of  water.  On  the  forty-second  day  of 
our  distress,  the  water  fell  as  rapidly  as  it  had  risen, 
and  on  the  forty-sixth  we  were  able  to  venture  down 
upon  terra  firma.  Our  barge  was  the  first  pleasing 
object  we  saw,  about  two  hundred  yards  from  the 
spot  where  she  sunk.  After  drying  every  thing 
that  was  useful  by  the  heat  of  the  sun,  and  loading 
ourselves  with  necessaries  from  the  stores  on  board, 
we  set  out  to  recover  our  lost  ground ;  and  found 
by  the  nearest  calculation,  w^e  had  been  carried 
over  garden-walls,  and  a  variety  of  inclosures,  above 
one  hundred  and  fifty  miles.  In  four  days,  after  a 
very  tiresome  journey  on  foot,  with  thin  shoes,  we 
reached  the  river,  which  was  now  confined  to  its 
banks,  related  our  adventures  to  a  boy,  who  kindly 
accommodated  all  our  wants,  and  sent  us  forward  in 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


59 


a  barge  of  his  own.  In  six  days  more  we  arrived  at 
Alexandria,  where  we  took  shipping  for  Constanti- 
nople. I  was  received  kindly  by  the  Grand  Seignor, 
and  had  the  honor  of  seeing  the  Seraglio,  to  which 
his  highness  introduced  me  himself. 


60 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


dftairt^r  S^tttft. 


^"^^^rC^^ 


TJRmG  the  late  siege  of  Gib- 
raltar, I  went  with  a  provision- 
fleet  under  Lord  Rodney's 
command  to  see  my  old  friend 
General  Elliot,  who  has,  by  his 
T  distinguished  defence  of  that 
place,  acquired  laurels  that  can  never  fade.  After 
the  usual  joy  which  generally  attends  the  meeting  of 
old  friends  had  subsided,  I  went  to  examine  the  state 
of  the  garrison,  and  view  the  operations  of  the  ene- 
my, for  w^hich  purpose  the  General  accompanied  me. 
I  had  brought  a  most  excellent  refracting  telescope 
with  me  from  London,  purchased  of  Dollond,  by  the 
help  of  which  I  found  the  enemy  were  going  to  dis- 
charge a  thirty-six  pounder  at  the  spot  where  we 
stood.  I  told  the  General  what  they  were  about ; 
he  looked  through  the  glass  also,  and  found  my  con- 


ILVUON  MUNCHAUSEN.  CI 

jeciurc's  right.  I  immediately,  by  his  perniissioii, 
ordercHl  ii  forty-eight  pounder  to  be  brought  from  a 
neighboring  battery,  which  I  placed  with  so  mucli 
exactness  (having  long  studied  the  art  of  gunnery) 
ihat  I  was  sure  of  my  mark. 

1  continued  watching  the  enemy  till  I  saw  the 
match  placed  at  the  touch-liole  of  their  piece  ;  at 
that  very  instant  I  gave  the  signal  for  our  gun  to 
be  fired  also. 

About  midway  between  the  two  pieces  of  cannon, 
the  balls  struck  each  other  with  amazing  force,  and 
the  effect  was  astonishing !  Tlie  enemy's  ball  re- 
coiled back  with  such  violence  as  to  kill  the  man 
who  had  discharged  it,  by  carrying  his  head  fairly 
off,  with  sixteen  others,  which  it  met  with  in  its 
})rogress  to  the  Barbary  coast ;  where  its  force,  after 
passing  through  three  masts  of  vessels  that  then  lay 
in  a  line  behind  each  other  in  the  harbor,  was  so 
much  spent,  that  it  only  broke  its  w^ay  through  the 
roof  of  a  poor  laboi^r's  hut,  about  two  hundred 
yards  inland,  and  destroyed  a  few  teeth  an  old  wo- 
man had  left,  who  lay  asleep  upon  her  back  with 
her  mouth  open.  The  ball  lodged  in  her  tliroat. 
Her  husband  soon  after  came  home,  and  endeavored 

6 


G2  OKIGINAL  TKAVELS  OF 

to  extract  it ;  but  finding  that  impracticable,  by 
the  assistance  of  a  rammer  he  forced  it  into  her 
stomach. 

Our  ball  did  excellent  service  ;  for  it  not  only  re- 
pelled the  other  in  the  manner  just  described,  but, 
proceeding  as  I  intended  it  should,  it  dismounted 
the  very  piece  of  cannon  that  had  just  been  em- 
ployed against  us,  and  forced  it  into  the  hold  of  the 
ship,  where  it  fell  with  so  much  force  as  to  break 
its  way  through  the  bottom.  The  ship  immediately 
filled  and  sank,  with  above  a  thousand  Spanish  sail- 
ors on  board,  besides  a  considerable  number  of  sol- 
diers. This,  to  be  sure,  was  a  most  extraordinary 
exploit :  I  will  not,  however,  take  the  whole  merit 
to  myself;  my  judgment  was  the  principal  engine, 
but  chance  assisted  me  a  little ;  for  I  afterwards 
found,  that  the  man  who  charged  our  forty-eight 
pounder  put  in,  by  mistake,  a  double  quantity  of 
powder,  else  we  could  never  have  succeeded  so 
much  beyond  all  expectation,  especially  in  repelling 
the  enemy's  ball. 

General  Elliot  would  have  given  me  a  commis- 
sion for  this  singular  piece  of  service ;  but  I  de- 
clined every  thing,  except  his  thanks,  which  I  re- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  63 

ceived  at  a  crowded  table  of  officers  at  supper  on 
the  eveuing  of  that  very  day. 

As  I  am  very  partial  to  the  English,  who  are  be- 
yond all  doubt  a  brave  people,  I  determined  not  to 
take  my  leave  of  the  garrison  till  I  had  rendered 
them  another  piece  of  service,  and  in  about  three 
weeks  an  opportunity  presented  itself.  I  dressed 
myself  in  the  habit  of  a  Po])ish  Priest^  and  at  about 
one  o'clock  in  the  morning  stole  out  of  the  garrison, 
passed  the  enemy's  lines,  and  arrived  in  the  middle 
of  their  camp,  where  I  entered  the  tent  in  which 
the  Prince  d'Artois  was,  with  the  commander-in- 
chief,  and  several  other  officers,  in  deep  council, 
concerting  a  plan  to  storm  the  garrison  next  morn- 
ing. My  disguise  was  my  protection  ;  they  suffered 
me  to  continue  there,  hearing  every  thing  that 
passed,  till  they  went  to  their  several  beds.  When 
I  found  the  whole  camp,  and  even  the  sentinels, 
were  wrapped  up  in  the  arms  of  Morpheus,  I  began 
my  work,  which  was  that  of  dismounting  all  their 
cannon  (above  three  hundred  pieces),  from  forty- 
eight  to  twenty-four  pounders,  and  throwing  them 
three  leagues  into  the  sea.  Having  no  assistance, 
I  found  this  the  hardest  task  I  ever  undertook,  ex- 


64:  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

cept  swimming  to  the  opposite  shore  with  the  fa- 
mous Turkish  piece  of  ordnance,  described  bj  Baron 
de  Tott  in  his  Memoirs,  which  I  shall  hereafter 
mention.  I  then  piled  all  the  carriages  together  in 
the  centre  of  the  camp,  which,  to  prevent  the  noise 
of  the  wheels  being  heard,  I  carried  in  pairs  under 
my  arms;  and  a  noble  appearance  they  made,  as 
high  at  least  as  the  rock  of  Gibraltar.  I  then  light- 
ed a  match,  by  striking  a  flint-stone,  situated  twenty 
feet  from  the  ground  (in  an  old  wall,  built  by  the 
Moors,  when  they  invaded  Spain),  with  the  breech 
of  an  iron  eight-and-forty  pounder,  and  so  set  fire 
to  the  whole  pile.  I  forgot  to  inform  you,  that  I 
threw  all  their  ammunition-wagons  upon  the  top. 

Before  I  applied  the  lighted  match,  I  had  laid 
the  combustibles  at  the  bottom  so  judiciously,  that 
the  whole  was  in  a  blaze  in  a  moment.  To  prevent 
suspicion,  I  was  one  of  the  first  to  express  my  sur- 
prise. The  whole  camp  was,  as  you  may  imagine, 
petrified  with  astonishment :  the  general  conclusion 
was,  that  their  sentinels  had  been  bribed,  and  that 
seven  or  eight  regiments  of  the  garrison  had  been 
employed  in  this  horrid  destruction  of  their  artillery. 
Mr.  Drink  water,  in  his  account  of  this  famous  siege, 


BARON  ML:N('IIAUS1':X.  G5 

mentions  the  enemy  sustaining  a  great  loss  by  a  lire 
which  happened  in  their  camp,  but  never  knew  the 
cause :  how  should  he  ?  as  I  never  divulged  it  be- 
fore (though  I  alone  saved  Gibraltar  by  this  night's 
business),  not  even  to  General  Elliot.  The  Count 
d'Artois  and  all  his  attendants  ran  away  in  their 
fright,  and  never  stopped  on  the  road  till  they 
reached  Paris,  which  they  did  in  about  a  fortnight ; 
this  dreadful  conflagration  had  such  an  eflect  upon 
them,  that  they  were  incapable  of  taking  the  least 
refreshment  for  three  months  after,  but,  chameleon- 
like, lived  upon  the  air. 

If  any  gentleman  will  say  he  doubts  the  trtith 
of  this  story ^  I  will  fine  hira  a  gallon  of  hrandy^ 
and  make  him  drink  it  at  one  draught. 

About  two  months  after  I  had  done  the  besieged. 

this  service,  one  morning,  as  I  sat  at  breakfast  with 

General  Elliot,  a  shell  (for  I  had  not  time  to  destroy 

their  mortars,  as  Avell  as  their  cannon)  entered  the 

apartment  we  were  sitting  in.     It  lodged  upon  our 

table.     The  General,  as  most  men  would  do,  quitted 

the  room  directly ;  but  I  took  it  up  before  it  burst, 

6« 


66  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

and  carried  it  to  the  top  of  the  rock ;  when,  look- 
ing over  the  enemy's  camp,  on  an  eminence  near 
the  sea-coast,  I  observed  a  considerable  number  of 
people,  but  could  not,  with  my  naked  eye,  discover 
how  they  were  employed.  I  had  recourse  again  to 
my  telescope,  when  I  found  that  two  of  our  officers, 
one  a  general,  the  other  a  colonel,  with  whom  I  had 
spent  the  preceding  evening,  and  who  went  out  into 
the  enemy's  camp  about  midnight  as  spies,  were 
taken,  and  then  were  actually  going  to  be  executed 
on  a  gibbet.  I  found  the  distance  too  great  to 
throw  the  shell  with  my  hand  ;  but  most  fortunately 
recollecting  that  I  had  the  very  sling  in  my  pocket 
which  assisted  David  in  slaying  Goliah,  I  placed  the 
shell  in  it,  and  immediately  threw  it  in  the  midst  of 
them.  It  burst  as  it  fell,  and  destroyed  all  present, 
except  the  two  culprits,  who  were  saved  by  being 
suspended  so  high,  for  they  were  just  turned  oif : 
however,  one  of  the  pieces  of  the  shell  flew  with 
such  force  against  the  foot  of  the  gibbet,  that  it  im- 
mediately brought  it  down.  Our  two  friends  no 
sooner  felt  terra  firma,  than  they  looked  about  for 
the  cause ;  and,  finding  their  guards,  executioner 
and  all,  had  taken  it  in  their  heads  to  die  first,  they 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


67 


directly  extricated  each  other  from  their  disgraceful 
cords,  and  then  ran  down  to  the  sea-shore,  seized  a 
Spanish  boat  with  two  men  in  it,  and  made  them 
row  to  one  of  our  ships,  which  they  did  with  great 
safety ;  and  in  a  few  minutes  after,  when  I  was 
j-elating  to  General  Elliot  how  I  had  acted,  they 
both  took  us  by  the  hand,  and,  after  mutual  con- 
gratulations, we  retired  to  spend  the  day  with  fes- 
tivity. 


C'S 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(S\xix\iiitv  (BltvtntU, 


OU  wish  (I  can  see  by  your  coun- 
tenances) I  would  inform  you  how 
I  became  possessed  of  such  a 
treasure  as  the  sling  just  men- 
tioned. (Here  facts  must  be 
lield  sacred.)  Thus  then  it  was:  I  am  a  descen- 
dant of  the  wife  of  Uriah,  whom  we  all  know 
David  was  intimate  with.  She  had  several  child- 
ren by  his  majesty :  they  quarrelled  once  upon 
a  matter  of  the  first  consequence,  viz.,  the  spot 
where  Noah's  ark  was  built,  and  where  it  rested 
after  the  flood.  A  separation  consequently  ensued. 
She  had  often  heard  him  speak  of  this  sling,  as  his 
most  valuable  treasure  :  this  she  stole  the  night 
they  parted ;  it  was  missed  before  she  got  out  of  his 
dominions,  and  she  was  pursued  by  no  less  than  six 
of  the  king's  body-guards :   however,  by  using  it 


l^AIIUN  MUNCHAUSEN.  (J9 

herself,  she  hit  the  first  of  them  (for  one  was  more 
active  in  the  pursuit  than  the  rest)  where  David  did 
Goliah,  and  killed  him  on  the  spot.  His  compan- 
ions were  so  alarmed  at  his  fall,  that  they  retired, 
and  left  Uriah's  wife  to  pursue  her  journey.  She 
took  with  her,  I  should  have  informed  you  before, 
her  favorite  son  by  this  connection,  to  whom  she 
bequeathed  the  sling ;  and  thus  it  has,  without  in- 
terruption, descended  from  father  to  son  till  it  came 
into  my  possession.  One  of' its  possessors,  my  great- 
great-great-grandfather,  who  lived  about  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  years  ago,  was  upon  a  visit  to  Eng- 
land, and  became  intimate  with  a  poet,  who  was  a 
great  deer-stealer ;  I  think  his  name  was  Shak- 
speare  :  he  frequently  borrowed  this  sling,  and  with 
it  killed  so  much  of  Sir  Thomas  Lucy's  venison,  that 
he  narrowly  escaped  the  fate  of  my  two  friends  at 
Gibraltar.  Poor  Shakspeare  was  imprisoned,  and 
my  ancestor  obtained  his  freedom  in  a  very  singular 
manner.  Queen  Elizabeth  was  then  on  the  throne, 
but  grown  so  indolent,  that  every  trifling  matter 
was  become  a  trouble  to  her  ;  dressing,  undressing, 
eating,  drinking,  and  some  other  offices,  which  shall 
be  nameless,  made  life  a  burden  to  her :  all  these 


70  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

ft 

things  lie  enabled  her  to  do  without,  or  by  a  depu- 
ty !  And  what  do  you  think  was  the  only  return  she 
could  prevail  upon  him  to  accept  for  such  eminent 
services  ?  Setting  Shakspeare  at  liberty.  Such 
was  his  affection  for  that  famous  writer,  that  he 
would  have  shortened  his  own  days  to  add  to  the 
number  of  his  friend's. 

I  do  not  hear  that  any  of  the  queen's  subjects, 
particularly  the  heef-eaters^  as  they  are  vulgarly 
called  to  this  day,  however  they  might  be  struck 
with  the  novelty  at  the  time,  much  approved  of  her 
living  totally  without  food.  She  did  not  survive 
the  practice  herself  above  seven  years  and  a  half. 

My  father,  w^ho  w^as  the  immediate  possessor  of 
this  sling  before  me,  told  me  the  following  anec- 
dote : — 

He  was  walking  b}'"  the  sea-shore  at  Harwich, 
with  this  sling  in  his  pocket.  Before  his  paces  had 
covered  a  mile,  he  was  attacked  by  a  fierce  animal, 
called  a  sea-horse,  open-mouthed,  who  ran  at  him 
with  great  fury.  He  hesitated  a  moment,  then  took 
out  his  sling,  retreated  back  about  a  hundred  yards, 
stooped  for  a  couple  of  pebbles,  of  which  there  were 
plenty  under  his  feet,  and  slung  them  both  so  dex 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  71 

terously  at  the  animal,  that  each  stone  put  out  an 
eye,  and  lodged  in  the  cavities  which  their  removal 
had  occasioned.  He  now  got  upon  his  back*  and 
drove  him  into  the  sea  ;  for  the  moment  he  lost  his 
sight,  he  lost  also  his  ferocity,  and  became  as  tamo 
as  possible.  The  sling  was  placed  as  a  bridle  in  his 
mouth ;  he  was  guided  with  the  greatest  facility 
across  the  ocean,  and  in  less  than  three  hours  they 
both  arrived  on  the  opposite  shore,  which  is  about 
thirty  leagues.  The  master  of  tlie  Three  Cups,  at 
Helvoetsluys,  in  Holland,  purchased  this  marine 
horse  to  make  an  exhibition  of,  for  seven  hundred 
ducats,  which  w^as  upwards  of  three  hundred 
pounds ;  and  the  next  day  my  father  paid  his  pas 
sage  back  in  the  packet  to  Harwich. 

1^^  My  father  made  several  curious  observations 
in  this  passage^  which  I  will  relate  hereafter. 


72 


OEIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(RMvln  ®w^Utft, 


.^^  HIS  famous  sling  makes  the  pos- 
sessor equal  to  any  task  he  is 
desirous  of  performing. 

I  made  a  balloon  of  such  ex- 
^  \  tensive  dimensions,  that  an  ac- 

count of  the  silk  it  contained  would  exceed  all 
credibility :  every  mercer's  shop  and  weaver's  stock 
in  London,  Westminster,  and  Spitalhelds,  contrib- 
uted to  it.  With  this  balloon  and  my  sling  I  played 
many  tricks,  such  as  taking  one  house  from  its  sta- 
tion, and  placing  another  in  its  stead,  without  dis- 
turbing the  inhabitants,  who  were  generally  asleep, 
or  too  much  employed  to  observe  the  peregrina- 
tions of  their  habitations.  When  the  sentinel  at 
Windsor  castle  heard  St.  Paul's  clock  strike  thir- 
teen, it  was  through  my  dexterity ;  I  brought  the 
buildings  nearly  together  that  night,  by  placing  the 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN'.  73 

castle  in  St.  George's  Fields,  and  carried  it  back 
again  before  daylight,  without  waking  any  of  the 
inhabitants.  JSTotwithstanding  these  exploits,  I 
should  have  kept  my  balloon  and  its  properties  a 
secret,  if  Montgollier  had  not  made  the  art  of  flying 
so  public. 

On  the  30th  of  September,  when  the  College  of 
Physicians  chose  their  annual  officers,  and  dined 
sumptuously  together,  I  filled  my  balloon,  brought 
it  over  the  dome  of  their  building,  clapped  the  sling 
round  the  golden  ball  at  the  top,  fastening  the  other 
end  of  it  to  the  balloon,  and  immediately  ascended 
with  the  whole  college  to  an  immense  height,  where 
I  kept  them  upwards  of  three  months.  You  will 
naturally  inquire  what  they  did  for  food  such  a 
length  of  time?  To  this  I  answer — Had  I  kept 
them  suspended  twice  the  time,  they  would  have 
experienced  no  inconvenience  on  that  account,  so 
amply,  or  rather  extravagantly,  had  they  spread 
their  table  for  that  day's  feasting. 

Though  this  was  meant  as  an  innocent  frolic,  it 
was  productive  of  much  mischief  to  several  respect- 
able characters  among  the  clergy,  undertakers,  sex- 
tons, and  grave-diggers.      They  were,  it  must  be 


74  OKlGmAL  TRAVELS  OF 

acknowledged,  sufferers ;  for  it  is  a  well  known  fact 
that  during  the  three  months  the  college  w^as  sus- 
pended in  the  air,  and  therefore  incapable  of  attend- 
ing their  patients,  no  deaths  happened,  except  a 
few  who  fell  before  the  scvthe  of  Father  Time,  and 
some  melancholy  objects,  who,  perhaps  to  avoid 
some  trifling  inconvenience  here,  laid  the  hands  of 
violence  upon  themselves,  and  plunged  into  misery 
infinitely  greater  than  that  which  they  hoped  by 
such  a  rash  step  to  avoid,  without  a  moment's  con- 
sideration. 

If  the  apothecaries  had  not  been  very  active  dur- 
ing the  above  time,  half  the  undertakers,  in  all  prob- 
ability, would  have  been  bankrupts. 


BARON   MUNCHAUSEN. 


76 


(R1x^iit(v  W\xxvtttnt\i. 


E  all  remember  Capt.  Phipps's 
(now  Lord  Mulgrave)  last  voy- 
age of  discovery  to  the  north. 
I  accompanied  the  captain, 
not  as  an  officer,  but  a  private 
friend.  When  we  arrived  in  a  high  northern 
latitude,  I  was  viewing  the  objects  around  me 
with  the  telescope  which  I  introduced  to  your 
notice  in  my  Gibraltar  adventures.  I  thought 
I  saw  two  large  white  bears  in  violent  ac- 
tion upon  a  body  of  ice  considerably  above  the 
masts,  and  about  half  a  league  distance.  I  immedi- 
ately took  my  carbine,  slung  it  across  my  shoulder, 
and  ascended  the  ice.  When  I  arrived  at  the  top, 
the  unevenness  of  the  surface  made  my  approach  to 
those  animals  troublesome  and  hazardous  beyond 
expression  :  sometimes  hideous  cavities  opposed  me, 


76  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

which  I  was  obliged  to  spring  over ;  in  other  parts 
the  surface  was  as  smooth  as  a  mirror,  and  I  was 
continually  falling.  As  I  approached  near  enough 
to  reach  them,  I  fonnd  they  were  only  at  play.  1 
immediately  began  to  calculate  the  value  of  their 
skins,  for  they  were  each  as  hii-ge  as  a  well-fed  ox. 
Unfortunately,  at  the  very  ii. extant  I  was  presenting 
my  carbine,  my  right  foot  slipped,  I  fell  upon  my 
back,  and  the  violence  of  the  blow  deprived  me  to- 
tally of  my  senses  for  nearly  half  an  hour :  however, 
when  I  recovered,  judge  of  my  surprise  at  finding 
one  of  those  large  animals  I  have  been  just  describ- 
ing had  turned  me  upon  my  face,  and  was  just  lay- 
ing hold  of  the  waistband  of  my  breeches,  which 
were  then  new  and  made  of  leather.  He  was  cer- 
tainly going  to  carry  me  feet  foremost,  God  knows 
where,  when  I  took  this  knife  [showing  a  large 
clasp-knife]  out  of  my  side-pocket,  made  a  chop  at 
one  of  his  hind-feet,  and  cut  off  three  of  his  toes :  he 
immediately  let  me  drop  and  roared  most  horridly. 
I  took  up  my  carbine  and  fired  at  him  as  he  ran  off : 
he  fell  directly.  The  noise  of  the  piece  roused  sev- 
eral thousand  of  these  white  bears,  who  were  asleep 
upon  the  ice  within  half  a  mile  of  me :  they  came 


I7IT 


iJARox  .\[L'Xciial:sex.  -77 

immediately  to  the  spot.  There  was  no  time  to  be 
lost.  A  most  fortunate  thought  arrived  in  my  peri- 
3ranium  just  at  that  instant.  I  took  off  the  skin  and 
head  of  the  dead  bear  in  half  the  time  that  some 
people  would  be  in  skinning  a  rabbit,  and  wrapped 
myself  in  it,  placing  my  own  head  directly  under 
Bruin's:  the  whole  herd  came  round  me  immedi- 
ately, and  my  apprehensions  threw  me  into  a  most 
piteous  situation  to  be  sure.  However,  my  scheme 
turned  out  a  most  admirable  one  for  my  own  safety. 
They  all  came  smelling,  and  evidently  took  me  for  a 
brother  Bruiii ;  I  wanted  nothing  but  bulk  to  make  an 
excellent  counterfeit :  however,  I  saw  several  cubs 
amongst  them  not  much  larger  than  myself.  After 
they  had  all  smelt  me,  and  the  body  of  their  de- 
ceased companion,  whose  skin  was  now  become 
my  protecter,  we  seemed  very  sociable,  and  I 
found  I  could  mimic  all  their  actions  tolerably 
well ;  but  at  growling,  roaring,  and  hugging,  they 
were  quite  my  masters.  I  began  now  to  think 
how  I  might  turn  the  general  confidence  which 
I  had  created  amongst  these  animals  to  my  ad- 
vantage. 

I  had  heard  an  old  army  surgeon  say,  a  wound  in 


78  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

the  spine  was  instant  death.  I  now  determined  to  try 
the  experiment,  and  had  again  recourse  to  my  knife, 
with  which  I  stuck  the  largest  in  the  back  of  the 
neck,  near  the  shoulders,  but  under  great  apprehen- 
sions, not  doubting  but  the  creature  would,  if  he  sur- 
vived the  stab,  tear  me  to  pieces.  However,  I  was 
remarkably  fortunate ;  for  he  fell  dead  at  my  feet 
without  making  the  least  noise.  I  was  now  re- 
solved to  demolish  them  every  one  in  the  same 
manner,  which  I  accomplished  without  the  least 
difficulty ;  for  although  they  saw  their  companions 
fall,  they  had  no  suspicion  of  either  the  cause 
or  the  effect.  When  they  all  lay  dead  before  me, 
I  felt  myself  a  second  Samson,  having  slain  my 
thousands. 

To  make  short  of  the  story,  I  went  back  to  the  ship, 
and  borrowed  three  parts  of  the  crew  to  assist  me  in 
skinning  them,  and  carrying  the  hams  on  board, 
which  we  did  in  a  few  hours,  and  loaded  the  ship 
with  them.  As  to  the  other  parts  of  the  animals, 
they  were  thrown  into  the  sea,  though  I  doubt  not 
but  the  whole  would  eat  as  well  as  the  legs,  were 
they  properly  cui-ed. 

As  soon  as  we  returned,  I  sent  some  of  the  hams, 


BAKOX   MUN'CHAUSEN,  79 

in  the  captain's  name,  to  the  Lords  of  the  Admiralty, 
others  to  the  Lords  of  the  Treasury,  some  to  the 
Lord  Mayor  and  Corporation  of  London,  a  few  to 
eacli  of  the  trading  companies,  and  the  remainder 
to  my  particular  friends,  from  all  of  whom  I 
received  warm  thanks ;  but  from  the  city  I  was 
honored  with  substantial  notice,  viz.,  an  invita- 
tion to  dine  at  Guildhall  annually  on  Lord  May- 
or's Day. 

The  bear-skins  I  sent  to  the  Empress  of  Russia  to 
'clothe  her  majesty  and  her  court  in  winter,  for 
which  she  wrote  me  a  letter  of  thanks  with  her  own 
hand,  and  sent  it  by  an  ambassador  extraordinary, 
inviting  me  to  share  the  honors  of  her  bed  and 
crown ;  but  as  I  never  was  ambitious  of  royal  digni- 
ty, I  declined  her  majesty's  favor  in  the  politest 
terms.  The  same  ambassador  had  orders  to  wait 
and  bring  my  answer  to  her  majesty  personally^ 
upon  which  business  he  was  absent  about  three 
months.  Her  majesty's  reply  convinced  me  of  the 
strength  of  her  affections,  and  the  dignity  of  her 
mind  :  her  late  indisposition  was  entirely  owing  (as 
she,  kind  creature !  was  pleased  to  express  herself 
in  a  late  conversation  with  the  Prince  Dolgoroucki) 


80  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

to  my  cruelty.  What  the  sex  see  in  me  I  cannot 
conceive,  but  the  Empress  is  not  the  only  female  sov- 
ereign who  has  offered  me  her  hand. 

Some  people  have  very  illiberally  reported,  that 
Captain  Phipps  did  not  proceed  as  far  as  he  might 
have  done  upon  that  expedition.  Here  it  becomes 
my  duty  to  acquit  him ;  our  ship  was  in  a  very 
proper  trim,  till  I  loaded  it  with  such  an  immense 
quantity  of  bear-skins  and  hams,  after  which  it 
would  have  been  madness  to  have  attempted  to 
proceed  further,  as  we  were  now  scarcely  able  to 
combat  a  brisk  gale,  much  less  those  mountains 
of  ice  which  lay  in  the  higher  latitudes. 

The  captain  has  since  often  expressed  a  dissatis- 
faction that  he  had  no  share  in  the  honors  of  that 
day,  which  he  emphatically  called  the  hear-sTcin  day. 
He  has  also  been  very  desirous  of  knowing  by  what 
art  I  destroyed  so  many  thousands,  without  fatigue  or 
danger  to  myself :  indeed,  he  is  so  ambitious  of  di- 
viding the  glory  with  me,  that  we  have  actually  quar- 
relled about  it,  and  we  are  not  now  upon  speaking 
terms.  He  boldly  asserts  I  had  no  merit  in  deceiv- 
ing the  bears,  because  I  was  covered  with  one  of 
their  skins ;  nay,  he  declares  there  is  not,  in  his  opin- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


81 


ion,  in  Europe,  so  complete  a  bear  naturally  as  him- 
self among  the  human  species. 

He  is  now  a  noble  peer,  and  I  am  too  well  ac- 
quainted with  good  manners  to  dispute  so  delicate  a 
point  with  his  lordship. 


82 


ORIGINAL  TKAVELS  OF 


(RUMhUx  |0Ut?t^^tttft. 


AEON  DE  TOTT,  in  his  Memoirs, 
makes  as  great  a  parade  of  a 
single  act,  as  many  travellers 
whose  whole  lives  have  been 
spent  in  seeing  the  different  parts 
of  the  globe :  for  my  part,  if  1 
had  been  blown  from  Europe  to  Asia,  from  the 
mouth  of  a  cannon,  I  should  have  boasted  less  of  it 
afterwards  than  he  has  done  of  only  firing  off  a  Turk- 
ish piece  of  ordnance.  What  he  says  of  this  won- 
derful gun,  as  near  as  my  memory  will  serve  me,  is 
this — "  The  Turks  had  placed  below  the  castle,  and 
near  the  city,  on  the  banks  of  Simois,  a  celebrated 
river,  an  enormous  piece  of  ordnance  cast  in  brass, 
which  would  carry  a  marble  ball  of  eleven  hundred 
pounds  weight.  "  I  was  inclined,"  says  Tott,  "  to  fire 
it,  but  I  was  willing  first  to  judge  of  its  effect.    The 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  83 

crowd  about  me  trembled  at  this  proposal,  as  they 
asserted  it  would  overthrow  not  only  the  castle,  but 
the  city  also ;  at  length  their  fears  in  part  subsided, 
and  I  was  permited  to  discharge  it.  It  required  not 
less  than  three  hundred  and  thirty  pounds  weight 
of  powder;  and  the  ball  weighed,  as  before  men- 
tioned, eleven  hundred  weight.  When  the  engi- 
neer brought  the  priming,  the  crowds  who  were 
about  me  retreated  back  as  fast  as  they  could ;  nay, 
it  was  with  the  utmost  difficulty  I  persuaded  the 
Pacha,  who  came  on  purpose,  there  was  no  danger : 
even  the  engineer  who  was  to  discharge  it  by  my 
direction,  was  considerably  alarmed.  I  took  my 
stand  on  some  stone  work  behind  the  cannon, 
gave  the  signal,  and  felt  a  sliock  like  that  of  an 
earthquake.  At  the  distance  of  three  hundred 
fathom,  the  ball  burst  into  three  pieces ;  the  frag- 
ments crossed  the  strait,  rebounded  on  the  opposite 
mountain,  and  left  the  sui-face  of  the  water  all  in  a 
foam,  tlirough  the  whole  breadth  of  the  channel." 

This,  gentlemen,  is,  as  near  as  I  can  recollect, 
I^aron  Tott's  account  of  the  largest  cannon  in  the 
known  world.  Now,  when  I  was  there  not  long 
b  i.ce,  the  anecdote  uf  Tott's  tiring  this  tremendous 


84  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

piece  was  mentioned  as  a  proof  of  that  gentleman's 
extraordinary  courage. 

I  was  determined  not  to  be  outdone  by  a  French- 
man ;  therefore  took  this  very  piece  upon  my  shoul- 
der, and,  after  balancing  it  properly,  jumped  into 
the  sea  with  it,  and  swam  to  the  opposite  shore,  from 
whence  I  unfortunately  attempted  to  throw  it  back 
into  its  former  place.  I  say  unfortunately,  for  it 
slipped  a  little  in  my  hand,  just  as  I  was  going  to 
discharge  it,  and  in  consequence  of  that,  it  fell  into 
the  middle  of  the  channel,  where  it  now  lies,  with- 
out a  prospect  of  ever  recovering  it :  and  notwith- 
standing the  high  favor  I  was  in  with  the  Grand 
Seignior,  as  before  mentioned,  this  cruel  Turk,  as 
soon  as  he  heard  of  the  loss  of  his  famous  piece  of 
ordnance,  issued  an  order  to  cut  off  my  head.  I 
was  immediately  informed  of  it  by  one  of  the  Sul- 
tanas, with  whom  1  was  become  a  great  favorite, 
and  she  secreted  me  in  her  apartment  while  the 
officer  charged  with  my  execution  was,  with  his 
assistants,  in  search  of  me. 

That  very  niglit  I  made  my  escape  on  board  a  ves- 
sel bound  to  Venice,  which  was  then  weighing  an- 
chor to  proceed  on  her  voyage. 


BAROX   MUXCHAUSKX.  85 

The  last  story,  gentlemen,  I  am  not  fond  of  men- 
tioning, as  I  miscarried  in  the  attempt,  and  was 
very  near  losing  my  life  into  the  bargain ;  how- 
ever, as  it  contains  no  impeachment  of  my  honor,  I 
would  not  withhold  it  from  yon. 

Now,  gentlemen,  you  all  know  me,  and  can  have 
no  doubt  of  my  veracity.  I  will  entertain  you 
with  the  origin  of  this  same  swaggering,  bouncing 
Tott. 

His  reputed  father  was  a  native  of  Berne,  in 
Switzerland  ;  his  profession  was  that  of  a  surveyor  of 
the  streets,  lanes,  and  alleys,  vulgarly  called  a  scav- 
enger. His  mother  was  a  native  of  the  mountains  of 
Savoy,  and  had  a  most  beautiful  large  wen  on  her 
neck,  common  to  both  sexes  in  that  part  of  the 
♦vorld.  She  left  her  parents  when  young,  and 
sought  her  fortune  in  the  same  city  which  gave  his 
father  birth.  She  maintained  herself  while  single 
by  acts  of  kindness  to  our  sex,  for  she  never  was 
known  to  refuse  them  any  favor  they  asked,  pro- 
vided they  did  but  pay  her  some  compliment  before- 
hand. This  lovely  couple  met  by  accident  in  the 
street,  in  consequence  of  their  being  both  intoxica- 
ted ;  for,  by  reeling  to  one  centre,  they  threw  each 


86  OUIGINAL  TUAVELS  OF 

other  down.  Tliis  created  mutual  abuse,  in  which 
they  were  complete  adepts  :  they  were  both  carried 
to  the  watch-house,  and  afterwards  to  the  liouse  of 
correction.  They  soon  saw  the  folly  of  quarrelling, 
and  made  it  up,  became  fond  of  each  other,  and 
married ;  but  madam  returning  to  her  old  tricks, 
his  father,  who  had  high  notions  of  honor,  soon 
separated  himself  from  her:  she  then  joined  a  fami- 
ly who  strolled  about  with  a  puppet-show.  In  time 
she  arrived  at  Rome,  where  she  kept  an  oyster- 
stand.  You  have  all  heard,  no  doubt,  of  Pope 
Ganganelli,  commonly  called  Clement  XI Y. ;  he 
was  remarkably  fond  of  oysters.  One  Good  Friday, 
as  he  was  passing  through  this  famous  city  in  state, 
to  assist  at  high  mass  at  St.  Peter's  Church,  he  saw 
this  woman's  oysters  (which  were  remarkably  fine 
and  fresh) ;  he  could  not  proceed  w^ithout  tasting 
them.  Tliere  were  about  five  thousand  people  in  his 
train ;  he  ordered  them  all  to  stop,  and  sent  word  to 
the  church  he  could  not  attend  mass  till  next  day : 
then  alighting  from  his  horse  (for  the  Pope  always 
rides  on  horseback  upon  ihese  occasions)  he  went 
into  her  stall,  and  ate  every  oyster  she  had  there,  and 
afterwards  retired  into  the  cellar  where  she  had  a 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


87 


few  more.     This  aubterraneous  apartment  was  her 
kitchen,  parlor,  and  bedchamber.     He  liked  his  sit- 


MAJOK-S 


nation   so  mnch 

that     he     dis- 

1^   charged    all    his 

ft|^   attendants,    and, 

to  make  a  short 

story,    His    Ho- 

iness  passed  the 

night  there. 


88  ORIGINAL  TKAVELS  OF 


fflftapt^r  iiUHXitU. 


OMITTED  several  very  material 
parts  in  my  father's  journey  across 
the  English  Channel  to  Holland, 
which,  that  they  may  not  be  total- 
ly lost,  I  will  now  faithfully  give 
you  in  his  own  words,  as  I  heard 
him  relate  them  to  his  friends  several  times. 

"  On  my  arrival,"  says  my  father,  "  at  Helvoet- 
sluys,  I  was  observed  to  breathe  with  some  difficul- 
ty :  upon  the  inhabitants  inquiring  into  the  cause,  I 
informed  them  that  the  animal  upon  whose  back 
I  rode  from  Harwich  across  to  their  shore,  did  not 
swim  !  Such  is  their  peculiar  form  and  disposition, 
that  they  cannot  float  or  move  upon  the  surface  of 
the  water;  he  ran  with  incredible  swiftness  upon 
the  sands  from  shore  to  sliore,  dj-iviiioj  fish  in  millions 
before  him,  many   of   which    wore   quite  different 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  89 

from  any  I  had  yet  seen,  carrying  their  heads  at  the 
extremity  of  their  tails.  I  crossed,"  continued  he, 
"  one  prodigious  range  of  rocks,  equal  in  height  to  the 
Alps  (the  tops  or  highest  part  of  these  marine  moun- 
tains are  said  to  be  upwards  of  one  hundred  fathoms 
below  the  surface  of  the  sea),  on  the  sides  of  which 
there  were  a  great  variety  of  tall,  noble  trees,  load- 
ed with  marine  fruit,  such  as  lobsters,  crabs,  oysters, 
scollops,  muscles,  cockles,  &c.,  &c. ;  some  of  which 
were  a  cart-load  singly !  and  none  less  than  a  por- 
ter's !  All  those  which  are  brought  on  shore,  and 
sold  in  our  markets,  are  of  an  inferior  dwarf  kind,  or 
properly,  waterfalls,  i.  e.  fruits  shook  off  the  branch- 
es of  the  tree  it  grows  upon,  by  the  motion  of  the 
water,  as  those  in  our  gardens  are  by  that  of  the 
wind.  The  lobster-tree  appeared  the  richest,  but  the 
crab  and  oysters  were  the  tallest.  The  periwinkle  is 
a  kind  of  shrub  ;  it  grows  at  the  foot  of  the  oyster- 
tree,  and  twines  round  it  as  the  ivy  does  the  oak.  I 
observed  the  effect  of  several  accidents  by  ship- 
wreck, &c.,  particularly  a  ship  that  had  been  wreck- 
ed by  striking  against  a  mountain  or  rock,  the  top 
of  which  lay  within  three  fathoms  of  the  surface. 

As  she  sunk,  she  fell  upon  her  side,  and  forced  a  very 

8» 


90  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

large  lobster-ti*ee  out  of  its  place.  It  was  in  the 
spring,  when  the  lobsters  were  very  young,  and 
many  of  them  being  separated  by  the  violence  of  the 
shock,  they  fell  upon  a  crab-tree  which  was  growing 
below  them ;  they  have,  like  the  farina  of  plants, 
united,  and  produced  a  fish  resembling  both.  I  en- 
deavored to  bring  one  with  me,  but  it  was  too  cum- 
bersome, and  my  salt-water  Pegasus  seemed  much 
displeased  at  every  attempt  to  stop  his  career  whilst 
I  continued  upon  his  back:  besides,  I  was  then, 
though  galloping  over  a  mountain  of  rocks  that  lay 
about  midway  the  passage,  at  least  five  hundred 
fathoms  below  the  surface  of  the  sea,  and  began  to 
find  the  want  of  air  inconvenient ;  therefore  I  had  no 
inclination  to  prolong  the  time.  Add  to  this,  my  sit- 
uation was  in  other  respects  very  unpleasant :  I  met 
many  large  fish,  who  were,  if  I  could  judge  by  their 
open  mouths,  not  only  able,  but  really  wished  to  de- 
vour us  :  now,  as  my  Rosinante  was  blind,  I  had  these 
hungry  gentlemen's  attempts  to  guard  against,  in 
addition  to  to  my  other  difficulties. 

"  As  we  drew  near  the  Dutch  shore,  and  the  body 
of  water  over  our  heads  did  not  exceed  twenty  fath- 
oms, I  thought  I  saw  a  human  figure  in  a  female 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  91 

dress  then  lying  on  tlie  sand  before  nie  with  some 
signs  of  life  :  when  I  came  close  I  perceived  her  hand 
move  :  I  took  it  into  mine,  and  brought  her  on  shore 
as  a  corpse.  An  apothecary,  who  had  just  been 
instructed  by  Dr.  Hawes  [the  Baron's  father  must 
have  lived  very  lately,  if  Dr.  Hawes  was  his  precep- 
tor] of  London,  treated  her  properly,  and  she  recov- 
ered. She  was  the  rib  of  a  man  who  commanded  a 
vessel  belonging  to  Helvoetsluys.  He  was  just  go- 
ing out  of  port  on  a  voyage,  when  she,  hearing  he 
liad  got  a  mistress  with  liim,  followed  him  in  an  open 
boat.  As  soon  as  she  liad  got  on  the  quarter-deck, 
she  flew  at  her  husband,  and  attempted  to  strike 
him  with  sucli  impetuosity,  that  he  thought  it  most 
prudent  to  slip  on  one  side,  and  let  her  make  the  im- 
pression of  her  fingers  upon  the  waves  rather  than 
his  face.  He  was  not  much  out  in  his  ideas  of  the 
i  .>nsec|uence ;  for  meeting  no  opposition,  she  went 
directly  overboard,  and  it  was  my  unfortunate  lot 
to  lay  the  foundation  for  bringing  this  happy  pair 
too:etlier  ao:ain. 

"  I  can  easily  conceive  what  execrations  the  hus- 
band loaded  me  with,  when,  on  his  return,  he  found 
this  gentle  creature  waiting  his  arrival,  and  learned 


92 


oKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


tlie  means  by  which  she  came  into  the  woi-ld  again. 
However,  great  as  the  injury  is  whicli  I  have  done 
this  poor  devil,  I  hope  he  will  die  in  charity  with  me, 
as  my  motive  was  good,  though  the  consequences  to 
him  are,  it  must  be  confessed,  horrible." 


BAK(J.\  MUiNCIlAUc^tiN. 


i&Hx^Htx  ^x%tttnt\x. 


K  my  return  from  Gibraltar,  I 
travelled  by  way  of  France  to 
England.  Being  a  foreigner, 
tlii8  was  not  attended  with  any 
^-:^r^^s^^^^^^^  inconvenience  to  me.  I  found 
in  the  harbor  of  Calais  a  ship  just  arrived,  with  a 
number  of  English  sailors,  as  prisoners  of  war.  I  im- 
mediately conceived  an  idea  of  giving  these  brave 
fellows  their  liberty,  which  I  accomplished  as  fol- 
lows. After  forming  a  pair  of  large  wrings,  each  of 
them  forty  yards  long,  and  fourteen  wide,  and  annex- 
ing them  to  myself,  I  mounted  at  break  of  day,  when 
every  creature,  even  the  watch  upon  deck,  was  fast 
asleep.  As  I  hovered  over  the  ship,  I  fastened  three 
grappling  irons  to  the  tops  of  the  three  masts,  with  my 
sling,  and  fairly  lifted  her  several  yards  out  of  the 
water,  and  then  proceeded  across  to  Dover,  where  I 


1)1 


okigi:nal  tkavels  of 


arrived  in  lialf  an  hour.  Having  no  further  occasion 
for  these  wings,  I  made  them  a  present  to  the  gover- 
nor of  Dover  Castle,  where  they  are  now  exhibited 
to  the  curious. 

As  to  the  prisoners,  and  the  Frenchmen  who 
guarded  them,  they  did  not  awake  till  they  had  been 
near  two  hours  on  Dover  Pier.  Tlie  moment  the 
English  -understood  their  situation,  they  changed 
places  with  their  guard,  and  took  back  what  they  had 
been  plundered  of;  but  no  more,  for  they  were  too 
generous  to  retaliate,  and  plunder  them  in  return. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  95 


i^^  N  a  voyage  which  I  made  to  the 
A^  East  Indies  with  Captain  Hamil- 
ton, I  took  a  favorite  pointer  with 
me.  He  was,  to  use  a  common 
phrase,  worth  his  weight  in  gold, 
for  he  never  deceived  me.  One 
day  when  we  were,  by  the  best  observations  we  could 
make,  at  least  three  hundred  leagues  from  land,  my 
dog  pointed.  I  observed  him  for  near  an  hour  with 
astonishment,  and  mentioned  the  circumstance  to  the 
captain  and  every  officer  on  board,  asserting  that 
we  must  be  near  land,  for  my  dog  smelt  game. 
This  occasioned  a  general  laugh ;  but  that  did  not 
alter  in  the  least  the  good  opinion  I  had  of  my  dog. 
After  much  conversation  pro  and  co?i,  I  boldly  told 
the  captain,  I  placed  more  confidence  in  Tray's  nose, 
than  I  did  in  the  eyes  of  every  seaman  on  board ; 


96  OlilGLXAL   TlvAVELS    OF 

and  therefore  boldly  proposed  laying  the  sum  I  had 
agreed  to  pay  for  my  passage  (viz.,  one  hundred 
guineas)  that  we  should  find  game  within  half  an 
hour.  The  captain  (a  good  hearty  fellow)  laughed 
again,  desired  Mr.  Crawford,  the  surgeon,  who  was 
prepared,  to  feel  my  pulse ;  he  did  so,  and  reported 
me  in  perfect  health.  The  following  dialogue  be- 
tween them  took  place ;  I  overheard  it,  though  spo- 
ken low,  and  at  some  distance. 

Captain.  His  brain  is  turned ;  I  cannot  with 
honor  accept  his  wager. 

Surgeon.  I  am  of  a  different  opinion  ;  he  is  quite 
sane,  and  depends  more  upon  the  scent  of  his  dog, 
than  he  will  npon  the  judgment  of  all  tlie  officers 
on  board  :  he  will  certainly  lose,  and  he  richly 
merits  it. 

Captain.  Such  a  wager  cannot  be  fair  on  my 
side.  However,  I'll  take  him  up,  if  I  return  his 
money  afterwards. 

During  the  above  conversation.  Tray  continued  in 
the  same  situation,  and  confirmed  me  still  more  in 
my  former  opinion.  I  proposed  the  wager  a  second 
time  :  it  was  then  accepted. 

Done !  and  done !  were  scarcely  said  on  both  sides, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN,  97 

when  some  sailors  who  were  fishing  in  the  long- 
boat, which  was  made  fast  to  the  stern  of  the  ship, 
harpooned  an  exceedingly  large  shark,  which  they 
brought  on  board  and  began  to  cut  up  for  the  pur- 
pose of  barrelling  the  oil,  when,  behold,  they  found 
no  less  than  six  'brace  of  live  ^arti'idges  in  this  ani- 
mal's stomach. 

They  had  been  there  so  long  in  that  situation, 
that  one  of  the  hens  was  sitting  upon  four  eggs,  and 
a  fifth  was  hatching  when  the  shark  was  opened. 
This  young  bird  we  brought  up,  by  placing  it  with 
a  litter  of  kittens  that  came  into  the  world  a  few 
minutes  before.  The  old  cat  was  as  fond  of  it  as 
any  of  her  own  four-legged  progeny,  and  made 
herself  very  unhappy  when  it  flew  out  of  her  reach 
till  it  returned  again.  As  to  the  other  partridges, 
there  were  four  hens  among  them :  one  or  more 
were,  during  the  voyage,  constantly  sitting,  and 
consequently  we  had  plenty  of  game  at  the  cap- 
tain's table ;  and  in  gratitude  to  poor  Tray  (for  be- 
ing the  means  of  winning  one  hundred  guineas), 
I  ordered  him  the  bones  daily,  and  sometimes  a 
whole  bird. 


98 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


(ffiftuptjer  (Bxtilxtttntlx. 


z^^ 


HAYE  already  informed  you  of 
one  trip  I  made  to  the  Moon,  in 
search  of  my  silver  hatchet ;  I  af- 
terwards made  another  in  a  much 
pleasanter  manner,  and  stayed  in 
it  long  enough  to  take  notice  of 
several  things,  which  I  will  endeavor  to  describe 
as  accurately  as  my  memory  will  permit. 

I  went  on  a  voyage  of  discovery,  at  the  request 
of  a  distant  relation,  who  had  a  strange  notion  that 
there  were  people  to  be  found  equal  in  magnitude  to 
those  described  by  Gulliver  in  the  empire  of  Beob- 
DiGNAG.  For  my  part,  I  always  treated  that  ac- 
count as  fabulous ;  however,  to  oblige  him,  for  he 
had  made  me  his  heir,  I  undertook  it,  and  sailed 
for  the  South  Seas,  where  we  arrived  without  meet- 
ing witli  any  thing  remarkable,  except  some  flying 


BAKON   MUNCHAUSEN.  99 

men   and   women  who  were  playing   at  leap-frog, 
and  dancing  minuets  in  the  air. 

On  the  eigliteenth  day  after  we  had  passed  the 
island  of  Otaheite,  mentioned  by  Captain  Cook  as 
the  place  from  whence  they  brought  Omai,  a  hurri- 
cane blew  our  ship  at  least  one  thousand  leagues 
above  the  surface  of  the  water,  and  kept  it  at  that 
height  till  a  fresh  gale  arising  tilled  the  sails  in  every 
part,  and  onward  we  travelled  at  a  prodigious  rate. 
Thus  we  proceeded  above  the  clouds  for  six  weeks". 
At  last  we  discovered  a  great  land  in  the  sky,  like  a 
shining  island,  round  and  bright ;  where,  coming  in- 
to a  convenient  harbor,  we  went  on  shore,  and  soon 
found  it  was  inhabited.  Below  us  we  saw  another 
earth,  containing  cities,  trees,  mountains,  rivers, 
seas,  &c.,  which  we  conjectured  was  this  world 
which  we  had  left.  Here  we*  saw  huge  figures 
riding  upon  vultures  of  a  prodigious  size,  and  each  of 
them  having  three  heads.  To  form  some  idea  of  the 
magnitude  of  these  birds,  I  must  inform  you  that 
each  of  their  wings  is  as  wide  and  six  times  the 
length  of  the  main-sheet  of  our  vessel,  which  was 
about  six  hundred  tons  burden.  Thus,  instead  of 
riding  upon  horses,  as  we  do  in  this  world,  the  in- 


100  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

habitants  of  the  Moon  (for  we  now  found  we  were 
in  Madam  Luna)  fly  about  on  these  birds.  The  king, 
we  found,  was  engaged  in  a  war  with  the  Sun,  and 
he  ofl:ered  me  a  commission,  but  I  declined  the 
honor  his  majesty  intended  me.  Every  thing  in  this 
world  is  of  extraordinary  magnitude ;  a  common 
flea  being  much  larger  than  one  of  our  sheep.  In 
making  war,  their  principal  wea]3ons  are  radishes, 
which  are  used  as  darts :  those  who  are  wounded 
by  them  die  immediately.  Their  shields  are  made 
of  mushrooms,  and  their  darts  (when  radishes  are  out 
of  season)  of  the  tops  of  asparagus.  Some  of  the 
natives  of  the  Dog-star  are  to  be  seen  here ;  com- 
merce tempts  them  to  ramble :  their  faces  are  like 
large  mastiff's,  with  their  eyes  near  the  lower  end  or 
tip  of  their  noses  :  they  hav^e  no  eyelids,  but  cover 
their  eyes  with  the  end  of  their  tongues  when  they 
go  to  sleep :  they  are  generally  twenty  feet  high. 
As  to  the  natives  of  the  Moon,  none  of  them  are 
less  in  stature  than  thirty-six  feet:  they  are  not 
called  the  human  species,  but  the  cooking  animals, 
for  they  all  dress  their  food  by  fire,  as  \yq  do,  but 
lose  no  time  at  their  meals,  as  they  open  their  left 
side,  and  place  the  whole  quantity  at  once  in  their 


BARON  MUNCHAUf?EN.  '-lOi 

stomach,  then  shut  it  again  till  the  same  day  in  the 
next  month;  for  they  never  indulge  themselves 
with  food  more  than  twelve  times  a  year,  or  once 
a  month'.  All  but  gluttons  and  epicures  must  pre- 
fer this  method  to  ours. 

There  is  but  one  sex  either  of  the  cooking  or  any 
other  animals  in  the  Moon ;  they  are  all  produced 
from  trees  of  various  size  and  foliage :  that  which 
produces  the  cooking  animal,  or  human  species,  is 
much  more  beautiful  than  any  of  the  other ;  it  has 
large  straight  boughs  and  flesh-colored  leaves,  and 
the  fruit  it  produces  are  nuts  or  pods,  with  hard 
shells  at  least  two  yards  long ;  when  they  become 
ripe,  which  is  known  from  their  changing  color,  they 
are  gathered  with  great  care,  and  laid  by  as  long  as 
they  think  proper :    when  they  choose  to  animate 
the  seed  of  these  nuts,  they  throw  them  into  a  cal- 
dron of  boiling  water,  which  opens  the  shells  in  a 
few  hours,  and  out  jumps  the  creature. 

Nature  forms  their  minds  for  different  pursuits 
before  they  come  into  the  world;  from  one  shell 
comes  forth  a  warrior,  from  another  a  philosopher, 
from  a  third  a  divine,  from  a  fourth  a  lawyer,  from 

a  fifth  a  farmer,  from  a  sixth  a  clown,  &c.  &c.,  and 

9» 


102  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

each  of  them  iiniiiediately  bcghi  t(j  perfect  them- 
selves, by  practising  what  they  before  knew  only  in 
theory. 

When  they  grow  old,  they  do  not  die,  but  turn 
into  air,  and  dissolve  like  smoke !  As  for  their 
drink,  they  need  none ;  the  only  evacuations  they 
have  are  insensible,  and  by  their  breath.  They  have 
but  one  finger  upon  each  hand,  with  which  they  per- 
form every  thing  in  as  perfect  a  manner  as  we  do 
who  have  four  besides  the  thumb.  Their  heads  are 
placed  under  their  right  arm ;  and  when  they  are 
going  to  travel,  or  about  any  violent  exercise,  they 
generally  leave  them  at  home,  for  they  can  consult 
them  at  any  distance.  This  is  a  very  common  prac- 
tice ;  and  when  those  of  rank  or  quality  among 
the  Lunarians  have  an  inclination  to  see  what's  go- 
ing forward  among  the  common  peo23le,  they  stay 
at  home,  i.  e.  the  body  stays  at  home,  and  sends  the 
head  only,  which  is  suffered  to  be  present  incog. ^ 
and  return  at  pleasure  with  an  account  of  what  has 
passed. 

The  stones  of  their  grapes  are  exactly  like  hail ; 
and  I  am  perfectly  satisfied  that  when  a  storm  or 
high  wind  in   the   moon   shakes   their   vines,  and 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  103 

breaks  the  grapes  from  tlie  stalks,  the  stones  fall 
down  and  form  onr  hail-showers.  I  would  advise 
those  who  are  of  my  opinion  to  save  a  quantity  of 
these  stones  when  it  hails  next,  and  make  Lunarian 
wine.  It  is  common  beverage  at  St.  Luke's.  Some 
material  circumstances  I  had  nearly  omitted.  Tliey 
put  their  bellies  to  the  same  use  as  w^e  do  a  sack, 
and  throw  whatever  they  have  occasion  for  into  it, 
for  they  can  shut  and  open  it  again  when  they 
please,  as  they  do  their  stomachs.  They  are  not 
troubled  with  bowels,  liver,  heart,  or  any  other  in- 
testines ;  neither  are  they  encumbered  with  clothes, 
nor  is  there  any  part  of  their  bodies  unseemly  or 
indecent  to  exhibit. 

Their  eyes  they  can  take  in  and  out  of  their  places 
when  they  please,  arid  can  see  as  well  with  them 
in  their  hands  as  in  their  heads  !  and  if  hy  any  ac- 
cident they  lose  or  damage  one,  they  can  borrow  or 
purchase  another,  and  see  as  clearly  with  it  as  their 
own.  Dealere  in  eyes  are  on  that  account  very  nu- 
merous in  most  i^arts  of  the  Moon,  and  in  this  arti- 
cle alone  all  the  inhabitants  are  whimsical :  some- 
times green  and  sometimes  yellow  eyes  are  the 
fashion.     I  know  these  things  appear  strange  ;   but 


104 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


if  the  shadow  of  a  doubt  can  remain  on  any  per- 
son's mind,  I  say,  let  him  take  a  voyage  there 
himself,  and  then  he  will  know  I  am  a  traveller 
of  veracity. 


lira 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


105 


(^\xix\)itx  W^wtUtnilt, 


first  visit  to  England  was 


about  the  beginning  of  the 
present  king's  reign.  I 
had  occasion  to  go  down 
to  Wapping,  to  see  some 
goods  shipped,  which  I  was  sending  to  some  friends 
at  Hamburg :  after  that  business  was  over,  I  took 
the  Tower  Wharf  in  my  way  back.  Here  I  found 
the  sun  very  powerful,  and  I  was  so  much  fa- 
tigued that  I  stepped  into  one  of  the  cannon  to 
compose  me,  where  I  fell  fast  asleep.  Tliis  was 
about  noon.  It  was  the  fourth  of  June :  exactly 
at  one  o'clock  these  cannon  were  all  discharged 
in  memory  of  the  day.  They  had  been  all  charged 
that  morning ;  and  having  no  suspicion  of  my 
situation,  I  Avas  shot  over  the  houses  on  the  op- 
posite side  of  the  river,  into  a  farmer's   yard,  be- 


100  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

tween  Bermondsey  and  Deptfort,  where  I  fell  upon 
a  large  hay-stack,  without  waking,  and  continued 
there  in  a  sound  sleep  till  hay  became  so  extrava- 
gantly dear  (which  was  about  three  months  after), 
that  the  farmer  found  it  his  interest  to  send  his 
whole  stock  to  market.  The  stack  I  was  reposing 
upon  was  the  largest  in  the  yard,  containing  above 
five  hundred  load :  they  began  to  cut  that  first.  I 
waked  with  the  voices  of  the  people  who  had  as- 
cended the  ladders  to  begin  at  the  top,  and  got  uj), 
totally  ignorant  of  my  situation :  in  attempting  to 
run  away,  I  fell  upon  the  farmer  to  whom  the  hay 
belonged,  and  broke  his  neck,  yet  received  no 
injury  myself.  I  afterwards  found,  to  my  great 
consolation,  that  this  fellow  was  a  most  detest- 
able character,  always  keeping  the  produce  of  his 
grounds  for  extravagant  markets. 


BARON   MUNCHAUSEN, 


107 


(filtt^tpt^v  W\vt\xixH\i. 


E.  DRYBONES'  travels  to 
Sicily,  which  I  had  read 
with  great  pleasure,  in- 
duced me  to  pay  a  visit  to 
-  Mount  Etna:  my  voyage 
to  this  place  was  not  attended  with  any  circum- 
stances worth  relating.  One  morning  early,  tliree  or 
four  days  after  my  arrival,  I  set  out  from  a  cottage 
where  I  had  slept,  witliin  six  miles  of  the  foot  of 
the  mountain,  determined  to  explore  the  internal 
parts,  if  I  perished  in  the  attempt.  After  three  hours' 
hard  labor,  I  found  myself  at  the  top.  It  was  then, 
and  had  been  for  upwards  of  three  weeks,  raging : 
its  appearance  in  this  state  has  been  so  frequently 
noticed  by  different  travellers,  that  I  will  not  tire 
you  with  descriptions  of  objects  you  are  already  ac- 
quainted   with.     I  walked  round  the  edge  of  tlie 


108  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

crater,  which  appeared  to  be  lifty  times  at  least  as 
capacious  as  the  Devil's  Punch-Bowl  near  Peters- 
field,  on  the  Portsmouth  Road,  but  not  so  broad  at 
the  bottom,  as  in  that  part  it  resembles  the  con- 
tracted part  of  a  funnel  more  than  a  punch-bowl. 
At  last,  having  made  up  my  mind,  in  I  sprang,  feet 
foremost.  I  soon  found  myself  in  a  warm  berth,  and 
my  body  bruised  and  burned  in  various  parts  by 
the  red-hot  cinders,  which,  by  their  violent  ascent 
opposed  my  descent :  however,  my  weight  soon 
brought  me  to  the  bottom,  where  I  found  myself  in 
the  midst  of  noise  and  clamor,  mixed  with  the  most 
horrid  imprecations.  After  recovering  my  senses, 
and  feeling  a  reduction  of  my  pain,  I  began  to  look 
about  me.  Guess,  gentlemen,  my  astonishment, 
when  I  found  myself  in  the  company  of  Yulcan  and 
his  Cyclops,  who  had  been  quarrelling  for  the  three 
weeks  before  mentioned,  about  the  observation  of 
good  order  and  due  subordination,  and  which  had 
occasioned  such  alarms  for  that  space  of  time  in  the 
world  above.  However,  my  arrival  restored  peace 
to  the  whole  society,  and  Yulcan  himself  did  me 
the  honor  of  applying  plasters  to  my  wounds,  which 
healed  them  immediately ;   he  also  placed  refresli- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  109 

meuts  before  me,  particularly  nectar,  and  other  rich 
wines,  such  as  the  gods  and  goddesses  only  aspire 
to.  After  this  repast  was  over,  Yulcan  ordered 
Yenus  to  show  me  every  indulgence  which  my  sit- 
uation required.  To  describe  the  apartment  and 
the  couch  on  which  I  reposed,  is  totally  impossible, 
therefore  I  will  not  attempt  it ;  let  it  suffice  to 
say,  it  exceeds  the  power  of  language  to  do  it  jus- 
tice, or  speak  of  that  kind-hearted  goddess  in  any 
terms  equal  to  her  merit. 

Yulcan  gave  me  a  very  concise  account  of  Mount 
Etna.  He  said  it  was  nothing  more  than  an  accu- 
mulation of  ashes  thrown  from  his  forge ;  that  he 
was  frequently  obliged  to  chastise  his  people,  at 
whom,  in  'his  passion,  he  made  it  a  practice  to 
throw  red-hot  coals  at  home,  which  they  often  par- 
ried with  great  dexterity,  and  then  threw  them  up 
into  the  world,  to  place  them  out  of  his  reach,  for 
they  never  attempted  to  assault  him  in  return,  by 
throwing  them  back  again.  "  Our  quarrels,"  added 
he,  '^  last  sometimes  three  or  four  months,  and  these 
appearances  of  coals  or  cinders  in  the  world  are 
what  I  find  you  mortals  call  eruptions."  Mount 
Yesuvius,  he  assured  me,  was  another  of  his  shops, 

10 


110  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

to  wliich  he  had  a  passage  three  hundred  and  fifty 
leagues  under  tlie  bed  of  the  sea,  where  similar 
quarrels  produced  similar  eruptions.  I  should  have 
continued  liere  as  an  humble  attendant  uj)on 
Madam  Yenus ;  but  some  busy  tattlers,  who  delight 
in  mischief,  whispered  a  tale  in  Yulcan's  ear,  which 
roused  in  him  a  fit  of  jealousy  not  to  be  appeased. 
Without  the  least  previous  notice,  he  took  me  one 
morning  under  his  arm,  as  I  was  waiting  upon 
Yenus,  agreeable  to  custom,  and  carried  me  to  an 
apartment  I  had  never  before  seen,  in  which  there 
was,  to  all  appearance,  a  well^  with  a  wide  mouth : 
over  this  he  held  me  at  arm's  length,  and  saying, 
"  Ungrateful  mortal^  return  to  the  world  from 
whence  you  came^^  without  giving  me  the  least  op- 
portunity of  reply,  dropped  me  in  the  centre.  I 
found  myself  descending  with  an  increasing  rapidi- 
ty, till  the  horror  of  my  mind  deprived  me  of  all  re- 
flection. I  suppose  I  fell  into  a  trance,  from  which  I 
was  suddenly  roused  by  plunging  into  a  large  body 
of  water  illuminated  by  the  rays  of  the  sun. 

I  could,  from  my  infancy,  swim  well,  and  play 
tricks  in  the  water.  I  now  found  myself  in  Para- 
dise, considering  the  horrors  of  mind  I  had  just  been 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  Ill 

released  from.  After  looking  about  me  some  time,  I 
could  discover  nothing  but  an  expanse  of  sea,  ex- 
tending beyond  the  eye  in  every  direction;  I  also 
found  it  very  cold,  a  different  climate  from  Master 
Ynlcan's  shop.  At  last  I  observed  at  some  distance, 
a  body  of  amazing  magnitude,  like  a  huge  rock, 
approaching  me.  I  soon  discovered  it  to  be  a  piece 
of  floating  ice.  I  swam  round  it  till  I  found  a  place 
where  I  could  ascend  to  the  top,  which  I  did,  but 
not  without  some  difficulty.  Still  I  was  out  of  sight 
of  land,  and  despair  returned  wdth  double  force ; 
however,  before  night  came  on,  I  saw  a  sail,  which 
we  approached  very  fast.  When  it  was  within  a 
very  small  distance,  I  hailed  them  in  German  ; 
they  answered  in  Dutch.  I  then  flung  myself  into 
the  sea,  and  they  threw  out  a  roj^e,  by  which  I  was 
taken  on  board.  I  now  inquired  where  we  were, 
and  was  informed  in  the  great  Southern  Ocean ; 
this  opened  a  discovery  which  removed  all  my 
doubts  and  difficulties.  It  was  now  evident  that 
I  had  passed  from  Mount  Etna  through  the  centre 
of  the  earth  to  the  South  Seas :  this,  gentlemen,  was 
a  much  shorter  cut  than  going  round  the  world, 
and  which  no  man  has  accomplished,  or  ever  at- 


112  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

tempted,  but  myself:  however,  the  next  time  I  per- 
form it,  I  will  be  much  more  particular  in  my  ob- 
servation. 

I  took  so;xie  refreshment,  and  went  to  rest.  The 
Dutch  are  a  very  rude  sort  of  peoj)le  :  I  related  the 
Etna  passage  to  the  officers,  exactly  as  I  have  done 
to  you,  and  some  of  them,  particularly  the  Captain, 
seemed  by  his  grimace  and  half-sentences  to  doubt 
my  veracity  ;  however,  as  he  had  kindly  taken  me 
on  board  his  vessel,  and  was  then  in  the  very  act  of 
administering  to  my  necessities,  I  pocketed  the  af- 
front. 

I  now  in  my  turn  began  to  inquire  where  they 
were  bound.  To  which  they  answered,  they  were 
in  search  of  new  discoveries ;  "  and  if^''  said  they, 
"  your  story  is  trice ^  a  new  passage  is  really  discov- 
ered^ and  we  shall  not  return  disappointed.^'^  We 
were  now  exactly  in  Captain  Cook's  first  track,  and 
arrived  the  next  morning  in  Botany  Bay.  This 
place  I  would  by  no  means  recommend  to  the  Eng- 
lish government  as  a  receptacle  for  felons,  or  place 
of  punishment ;  it  should  rather  be  the  reward  of 
merit,  nature  having  most  bountifully  bestowed  her 
best  gifts  upon  it. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  11 3 

We  stayed  here  but  three  days  :  the  fourth  after 
our  departure  a  most  dreadful  storm  arose,  which  in 
a  few  hours  destroyed  all  our  sails,  splintered  our 
bowsprit,  and  brought  down  our  topmast;  it  fell 
directly  upon  the  box  that  inclosed  our  compass, 
which,  with  the  compass,  was  broken  to  pieces. 
Every  one  who  has  been  at  sea,  knows  the  conse- 
quences of  such  a  misfortune.  We  now  were  at  a 
loss  where  to  steer.  At  length  the  storm  abated, 
which  was  followed  by  a  steady  brisk  gale,  that 
carried  us  at  least  forty  knots  an  hour  for  six  months 
[we  should  suppose  the  Baron  has  made  a  little 
mistake,  and  substituted  months  for  days]^  when  we 
began  to  observe  an  amazing  change  in  eveiy 
thing  about  us  :  our  spirits  became  light,  our  noses 
were  regaled  with  the  most  aromatic  effluvia  im- 
aginable :  the  sea  had  also  changed  its  complexion, 
and  from  green  became  white.  Soon  after  these 
wonderful  alterations  we  saw  land,  and  not  at  any 
great  distance  an  inlet,  w^hich  we  sailed  up  near 
sixty  leagues,  and  found  it  wide  and  deep,  flowing- 
wit  h  milk  of  the  most  delicious  taste.  Here  we 
landed,  and  soon  found  it  was  an  island  consisting 

of  one  large  cheese :  we  discovered  this  by  one  of 

io« 


114  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

the  company  fainting  away  as  soon  as  we  landed: 
this  man  alwavs  liad  an  aversion  to  cheese.  When 
he  recovered,  he  desired  the  cheese  to  be  taken 
from  under  his  feet:  upon  examination  we  found 
him  perfectly  right,  for  the  whole  island,  as  before 
observed,  was  nothing  but  a  cheese  of  immense 
magnitude.  Upon  this  the  inhabitants,  who  are 
amazingly  numerous,  principally  sustain  themselves, 
and  it  grows  every  night  in  proportion  as  it  is  con- 
sumed in  the  day.  Here  seemed  to  be  plenty  of 
vines,  with  bunches  of  large  grapes,  which,  upon 
being  pressed,  yielded  nothing  but  milk.  We  saw 
the  inhabitants  running  races  upon  the  surface  of 
the  milk :  they  were  upright,  comely  figures,  nine 
feet  high,  have  three  legs,  and  but  one  arm ;  up- 
on the  whole,  their  form  was  graceful :  and  when 
they  quarrel,  they  exercise  a  straight  horn,  which 
OTOws  in  adults  from  the  centre  of  their  foreheads, 
with  great  adroitness ;  they  did  not  sink  at  all,  but 
ran  and  walked  upon  the  surface  of  the  milk,  as  w^e 
do  upon  a  bowling-green. 

Upon  this  island  of  cheese  grows  great  plenty  of 
corn,  the  ears  of  which  produce  loaves  of  bread, 
ready  made,  of  a  round  form  like  mushrooms.     We 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  115 

discovered  in  our  rambles  over  this  cheese,  seven- 
teen other  rivers  of  milk,  and  ten  of  wine. 

After  thirty-eight  days'  jonrney,  we  arrived  on 
the  opposite  side  to  that  on  which  we  landed :  here 
we  found  some  blue  mould,  as  cheese-eaters  call  it, 
from  whence  spring  all  kinds  of  rich  fruit ;  instead 
of  breeding  mites,  it  produces  peaches,  nectarines, 
apricots,  and  a  thousand  delicious  fruits,  which  we 
are  not  acquainted  with.  In  these  trees,  which  are 
of  an  amazing  size,  were  plenty  of  birds'  nests : 
amongst  others  w^as  a  king-fisher's,  of  prodigious 
magnitude  ;  it  was  at  least  twice  the  circumference 
of  the  dome  of  St.  Paul's  Church  in  London.  Up- 
on inspection,  this  nest  was  made  of  huge  trees 
curiously  joined  together ;  there  were,  let  me  see 
{^for  I  make  it  a  rule  always  to  sjpeak  within  com- 
pass\  there  were  upwards  of  five  hundred  eggs  in 
this  nest,  and  each  of  them  was  as  large  as  four 
common  hogsheads  or  eight  barrels,  and  we  could 
not  only  see,  but  hear  the  young  ones  chirping 
within.  Having,  with  great  fatigue,  cut  open  one 
of  these  eggs,  we  let  out  a  young  one  unfeathered, 
considerably  larger  than  twenty  full-grown  vultures. 
Just  as  we  had  given  this  youngster  his  liberty,  the 


116  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

old  king-Usher  lighted,  and  seizing  our  captain,  who 
had  been  active  in  breaking  the  egg,  in  one  of  her 
claws,  flew  with  him  above  a  mile  high,  and  then 
let  him  drop  into  the  sea,  but  not  till  she  had 
beaten  all  his  teeth  out  of  his  mouth  with  her 
wings. 

Dutchmen  generally  swim  well:  he  soon  joined 
us,  and  we  retreated  to  our  shij).  On  our  return 
we  took  a  different  route,  and  observed  many 
strange  objects.  We  shot  two  wild  oxen,  each  with 
one  horn,  also  like  the  inhabitants,  except  that  it 
sprouted  from  between  the  eyes  of  these  animals ; 
we  were  afterwards  concerned  at  having  destroyed 
them,  as  we  found,  by  inquiry,  they  tame  these 
creatures,  and  use  them  as  we  do  horses,  to  ride  up- 
on and  draw  their  carriages ;  their  flesh,  we  were 
informed,  is  excellent,  but  useless  where  people  live 
upon  cheese  and  milk.  When  we  had  reached 
within  two  days'  journey  of  the  ship,  we  observed 
three  men  hanging  to  a  tall  tree  by  their  heels; 
upon  inquiring  the  cause  of"  their  punishment,  I 
found  they  had  all  been  travellers,  and  upon  their 
return  home  had  deceived  their  friends,  by  describ- 
ing places  they  never  saw,  and  relating  things  that 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  117 

never  happened :  tliis  gave  me  no  concern,  as  I 
have  ever  confined  myself  to  facts. 

As  soon  as  we  arrived  at  the  ship,  we  unmoored, 
and  set  sail  from  this  extraordinary  country,  when, 
to  our  astonishment,  all  the  trees  upon  shore,  of 
which  there  were  a  great  number  very  tall  and 
large,  paid  their  respects  to  us  twice,  bowing  to  ex- 
act time,  and  immediately  recovered  their  former 
posture,  wliich  was  quite  erect. 

By  what  we  could  learn  of  this  Cheese,  it  was 
considerably  larger  than  the  continent  of  all  Eu- 
rope. 

After  sailing  three  months,  we  knew  not  where, 
being  still  without  compass,  we  arrived  in  a  sea 
which  appeared  to  be  almost  black  :  upon  tasting  it, 
we  found  it  most  excellent  wine,  and  had  great  diffi- 
culty to  keep  the  sailors  from  getting  drunk  with  it : 
however,  in  a  few  hours  we  found  ourselves  sur- 
rounded by  wdiales  and  other  animals  of  an  immense 
magnitude ;  one  of  which  appeared  to  be  too  large 
for  the  eye  to  form  a  judgment  of ;  we  did  not  see 
him  till  we  were  close  to  him.  This  monster  drew 
our  ship,  with  all  her  masts  standing  and  sails  bent, 
bv  suction  into  his  mouth,  between  his  teeth,  which 


118  OKlGi:^AL  TKxiVELS  OF 

were  much  larger  and  taller  than  the  mast  of 
a  first-rate  man-of-war.  After  we  had  been  in  his 
mouth  some  time,  he  opened  it  pretty  wide,  took  in 
an  immense  quantity  of  water,  and  floated  our  ves- 
sel, which  was  at  least  -^Ye  hundred  tons  burden,  in- 
to his  stomach ;  here  we  lay  as  quiet  as  at  anchor  in 
a  dead  calm.  Tlie  air,  to  be  sure,  was  rather  warm 
and  very  offensive.  We  found  anchors,  cables, 
boats,  and  barges  in  abundance,  and  a  considerable 
number  of  ships,  some  laden  and  some  not,  which 
this  creatm-e  had  swallowed.  Every  thing  was 
transacted  by  torch-light ;  no  sun,  no  moon,  no 
planet,  to  make  observations  from.  We  were  all 
generally  afloat  and  aground  twice  a-day :  whenever 
he  drank,  it  became  high  water  with  us ;  and  when 
he  evacuated,  we  found  ourselves  aground :  upon  a 
moderate  computation,  he  took  in  more  water  at  a 
single  draught  than  is  generally  to  be  found  in  the 
Lake  of  Geneva,  though  that  is  above  thirty  miles 
in  circumference.  On  the  second  day  of  our  con- 
finement in  these  regions  of  darkness,  I  ventured  at 
low  water,  as  we  called  it,  when  the  ship  was 
aground,  to  ramble  with  the  Captain,  and  a  few  of 
the  other  ofiicers,  with  lights  in  our  hand ;   we  met 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  119 

with  people  of  all  nations,  to  the  amount  of  upwards 
of  ten  thousand  ;  they  were  going  to  hold  a  council 
how  to  recover  their  liberty  ;  some  of  them  having 
lived  in  this  animal's  stomach  several  years :  there 
were  several  children  here  who  had  never  seen  the 
world,  their  mothers  having  lain  in  repeatedly  in 
this  warm  situation.  Just  as  the  chairman  was  go- 
ing to  inform  us  of  the  business  upon  w4iich  we 
were  assembled,  this  plaguy  fish,  becoming  thirsty, 
drank  in  his  usual  manner :  the  water  poured  in 
with  such  impetuosity,  that  we  were  all  obliged  to 
retreat  to  our  respective  ships  immediately,  or  run 
the  risk  of  being  drowned ;  some  were  obliged  to 
swim  for  it,  and  with  difficulty  saved  their  lives. 
In  a  few  hours  after,  we  were  more  fortunate,  we 
met  again  just  after  the  monster  had  evacuated.  I 
was  chosen  chairman,  and  the  first  thing  I  did  was 
to  propose  splicing  two  main-masts  together ;  and 
the  next  time  he  opened  his  mouth  to  be  ready  to 
wedge  them  in,  so  as  to  prevent  his  shutting  it.  It 
was  unanimously  approved.  One  hundred  stout 
men  were  chosen  upon  this  service.  We  had  scarce- 
ly got  our  masts  properly  prepared,  when  an  op- 
portunity offered,  tlie  monster  opened  his  mouth, 


120  OlilGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

immediately  the  top  of  the  mast  was  placed 
against  the  roof,  and  the  other  end  pierced  his 
tongue,  which  efiectually  ])revented  him  from  shut- 
ting his  mouth.  As  soon  as  every  thing  in  his  stom- 
ach was  afloat,  we  manned  a  few  boats,  who  rowed 
themselves  and  us  into  the  world.  The  daylight, 
after,  as  near  as  we  could  judge,  three  months'  con- 
finement in  total  darkness,  cheered  our  spirits  sur- 
prisingly. When  we  had  all  taken  our  leave  of 
this  capacious  animal,  we  mustered  just  a  fleet  of 
ninety-five  ships,  of  all  nations,  who  had  been  in  this 
confined  situation. 

We  left  the  two  masts  in  his  mouth,  to  prevent 
others  being  confined  in  the  same  horrid  gulf  of 
darkness  and  filth.  Our  first  object  was  to  learn 
what  part  of  the  world  we  were  in ;  this  we  were 
for  some  time  at  a  loss  to  ascertain  :  at  last  I  found, 
from  former  observations,  that  we  were  in  the  Cas- 
pian Sea !  which  washes  part  of  the  country  of  the 
Calmuck  Tartars.  'How  we  came  here,  it  was  impos- 
sible to  conceive,  as  this  sea  has  no  communication 
with  any  other.  One  of  the  inhabitants  of  the 
Cheese  Island  whom  I  had  brought  with  me,  ac- 
counted  for   it   thus:    that  the  monster,  in  whose 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  121 

stomach  we  had  been  so  long  confined,  had  carried 
us  here  through  some  subterraneous  passage;  how- 
ever, we  pushed  to  shore,  and  I  was  the  first  who 
landed.  Just  as  I  put  my  foot  upon  the  ground,  a 
large  bear  leaped  upon  me  with  his  fore-paws  ;  I 
caught  one  in  each  hand,  and  squeezed  him  till  he 
cried  out  most  lustily  ;  however,  in  this  position  I 
lield  him  till  I  starved  him  to  death.  You  may 
laugh,  gentlemen,  but  this  was  soon  accomplished, 
as  I  prevented  him  licking  his  paws.  From  hence 
I  travelled  up  to  St.  Petersburg  a  second  time :  here 
an  old  friend  gave  me  a  most  excellent  pointer,  de- 
scended from  the  famous  bitch  before  mentioned, 
that  littered  while  she  was  hunting  a  hare.  I  had 
the  misfortune  to  have  him  shot  soon  after  by  a 
blundering  sportsman,  who  fired  at  him  instead  of  a 
covey  of  partridges  which  he  had  just  set.  Of  this 
creature's  skin  I  have  had  this  waistcoat  made 
[showing  his  waistcoat],  which  always  leads  me  in- 
voluntarily to  game  if  I  walk  in  the  fields  in  the  prop- 
er season,  and  when  I  come  within  shot,  one  of  the 
huttons  constantly  flies  off^  and  lodges  upon  the  spot 
where  the  s'port  isj  and  as  the  birds  rise,  being  al- 
ways primed  and  cocked,  I  never  miss  them.     Here 

n 


1:^:^  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

are  now  but  three  buttons  left.  I  shall  have  a 
new  set  sewed  on  against  the  shooting  season  com- 
mences. 

"When  a  covej  of  partridges  is  clisturbed  in  this 
manner,  by  the  button  falling  amongst  them,  they 
always  rise  from  the  ground  in  a  direct  line 
before  each  other.  I  one  day,  by  forgetting  to  take 
my  ramrod  out  of  my  gun,  shot  it  straight  through 
a  leash,  as  regularly  as  if  the  cook  had  spitted  them. 
I  had  forgot  to  put  in  any  shot,  and  the  rod  had 
been  made  so  hot  with  the  powder,  that  the  birds 
were  completely  roasted  by  the  time  I  reached 
home. 

Since  my  arrival  in  England  I  have  accomplish- 
ed what  I  had  very  much  at  heart,  viz.,  providing 
for  the  inhabitant  of  the  Cheese  Island,  whom  I 
had  brought  with  me.  My  old  friend,  Sir  William 
Chambers,  who  is  entirely  indebted  to  me  for  all 
his  ideas  of  Chinese  gardening,  by  a  description  of 
which  he  has  gained  such  high  reputation — I  say, 
gentlemen,  in  a  discourse  which  I  had  with  this 
gentleman,  he  seemed  much  distressed  for  a  contri- 
vance to  light  the  lamps  at  the  new  buildings,  Som- 
erset House ;   the   common  mode  with  ladders,  he 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


123 


observed,  was  both  dirty  and  inconvenient.  My 
native  of  the  Cheese  Island  popped  into  my  head  ; 
he  was  only  nine  feet  high  when  I  first  brought 
him  from  liis  own  country,  but  was  now  increased 
to  ten  and  a  half:  I  introduced  him  to  Sir  William, 
and  he  is  appointed  to  that  honorable  office.  lie  is 
also  to  carry,  under  a  large  cloak,  a  utensil  in  each 
coat  pocket,  instead  of  those  four  which  Sir  William 
has  very  properly  fixed  for  private  purposes  in  so 
conspicuous  a  situation,  the  great  quadrangle. 

He  has  also  obtained  from  Mr.  Pitt,  the  situation 
of  messenger  to  his  Majesty's  lords  of  the  bedcham- 
ber, whose  principal  employment  will  now  be,  di- 
vulging the  secrets  of  the  Eojal  Household  to  their 
worthy  Patron. 


124 


OKlGmAL  TRAVELS  OF 


^uvvltnxtwt. 


to  be  finished  soon. 


BOUT  the  beginning  of  his  pres- 
ent Majesty's  reign,  I  had 
some  business  with  a  distant 
relation  who  then  lived  on 
the  Isle  of  Thanet ;  it  was  a 
family  dispute,  and  not  likely 
I  made  it  a  practice  during 
my  residence  there,  the  weather  being  fine,  to  walk 
out  every  morning.  After  a  few  of  these  excur- 
sions, I  observed  an  object  upon  a  great  eminence 
about  three  miles  distant :  I  extended  my  walk  to 
it,  and  found  the  ruins  of  an  ancient  temple.  I  ap- 
proached it  with  admiration  and  astonishment;  the 
traces  of  grandeur  and  magnificence  which  yet  re- 
mained were  evident  proofs  of  its  former  splendor : 
here  I  could  not  help  lamenting  the  ravages  and. 
devastations  of  time,  of  which  that  once  noble  struc- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  125 

tare  exhibited  such  a  melancholy  proof.     I  walked 
round  it  several  times,  meditating  on  the  flefeting 
and  transitory  nature  of  all  terrestrial  things :  on  the 
eastern  end  were  the  remains  of  a  lofty  tower,  near 
forty  feet  high,  overgrown  with  ivy,  the  top  appar- 
ently flat.    I  surveyed  it  on  every  side  very  minute- 
ly, thinking  that  if  I  could  gain  its  summit,  I  should 
enjoy  the  most  delightful  prospect  of  the  circumja- 
cent country.     Animated  with  this  hope,  I  resolved, 
if  possible,  to  gain  the  summit,  which  I  at  length 
effected  by  means  of  the  ivy ;  though  not  without 
great  difficulty  and  danger:  the  top  I  found  cov- 
ered with  this  evergreen,  except  a  large  chasm  in 
the  middle.     After  I  had  surveyed  with   pleasing 
wonder  the  beauties  of  art  and  nature  that  conspired 
to  enrich  the  scene,  curiosity  prompted  me  to  sound 
the  opening  in  the  middle,  in  order  to  ascertain  its 
depth,  as  I  entertained  a  suspicion  that  it  might 
probably  communicate  with  some  unexplored  sub- 
terranean cavern  in  the  hill ;  but  having  no  line,  I 
was  at  a  loss  how  to  proceed.     After  revolving  the 
matter  in  my  thoughts  for  some  time,  I  resolved  to 
drop  a  stone  down  and  listen  to  the  echo.     Having 

found  one  that  answered  my  purpose,  I  placed  my- 

11- 


126  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

self  over  the  liole,  with  one  foot  on  each  side,  and 
stooping  down  to  listen,  I  dropped  the  stone,  which 
I  had  no  sooner  done  than  I  heard  a  rustling  below, 
and  suddenly  a  monstrous  eagle  put  up  its  head 
right  opposite  my  face,  and  rising  up  with  irresist- 
ible force,  carried  me  away  seated  on  its  shoulders. 
I  instantly  grasped  it  round  the  neck,  which  was 
large  enough  to  fill  my  arms ;  and  its  wings,  when 
extended,  were  ten  yards  from  one  extremity  to  the 
other.  As  it  rose  with  a  regular  ascent,  my  seat 
was  perfectly  easy,  and  I  enjoyed  the  prospect  be- 
low with  inexpressible  pleasure.  It  hovered  over 
Margate  for  some  time,  was  seen  by  several  people, 
and  many  shots  were  fired  at  it :  one  ball  hit  the 
heel  of  my  slioe,  but  did  me  no  injury.  It  then  di- 
rected its  course  to  Dover  Cliff,  where  it  alighted, 
and  I  thought  of  dismounting,  but  was  prevented 
by  a  sndden  discharge  of  musketry  from  a  party  of 
marines  that  were  exercisins^  on  the  beach :  the 
balls  flew  about  my  head,  and  rattled  on  the  feath- 
ers of  the  eagle  like  hailstones  ;  yet  I  could  not 
perceive  it  had  received  any  injury.  It  instantly 
reascended  and  flew  over  the  sea  towards  Calais ; 
but  so  very  high  that  the  Channel  seemed  to  be  no 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  127 

broader  than  the  Thames  at  London  Bridge.  In  a 
quarter  of  an  hour  I  found  myself  over  a  thick  wood 
in  France,  where  the  eagle  descended  very  rapidly, 
which  caused  me  to  slip  down  to  the  back  part  of 
its  head ;  but  alighting  on  a  large  tree,  and  raising 
its  head,  I  recovered  my  seat  as  before,  but  saw  no 
possibility  of  disengaging  myself  without  the  dan- 
ger of  being  killed  b}^  the  fall :  so  I  determined  to 
sit  fast,  thinking  it  w^ould  carry  me  to  the  Alps,  or 
some  other  high  mountain,  where  I  could  dismount 
without  any  danger.  After  resting  a  few  minutes, 
it  took  wing,  flew  several  times  round  the  wood, 
and  screamed  loud  enough  to  be  heard  across  the 
English  Channel.  In  a  few  minutes,  one  of  the 
same  species  arose  out  of  the  wood,  and  flew  direct- 
ly towards  us ;  it  surveyed  me  with  evident  marks 
of  displeasure,  and  came  very  near  me.  After  fly- 
ing several  times  round,  they  both  directed  their 
course  to  the  southwest.  I  soon  observed  that  the 
one  I  rode  upon  could  not  keep  pace  with  the  other, 
but  inclined  towards  the  earth,  on  account  of  my 
weight.  Its  companion  perceiving  this,  turned  round 
and  placed  itself  in  such  a  position  that  the  other 
could  rest  its  head  on  its  rump  :  in  this  manner  they 


128  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

proceeded  till  noon,  when  I  saw  the  rock  of  Gibral- 
tar very  distinctly.  The  day  being  clear,  notwith- 
standing my  degree  of  elevation,  the  earth's  surface 
appeared  just  like  a  map,  where  land,  sea,  lakes, 
rivers,  mountains,  and  the  like,  were  perfectly  dis- 
tinguishable ;  and  having  some  knowledge  of  geog- 
raphy, I  was  at  no  loss  to  determine  w^hat  part  of 
the  globe  I  was  in. 

"Whilst  I  was  contemplating  this  wonderful  pros- 
pect, a  dreadful  howling  suddenly  began  all  around 
me,  and  in  a  moment  I  was  invested  by  thousands 
of  small,  black,  deformed,  frightful-looking  crea- 
tures, who  pressed  me  on  all  sides  in  such  a  manner 
that  I  could  neither  move  hand  nor  foot:  but  I  had 
not  been  in  their  possession  more  than  ten  minutes, 
when  I  heard  the  most  delightful  music  that  can 
possibly  be  imagined ;  which  was  suddenly  changed 
into  a  noise,  the  most  awful  and  tremendous,  to 
-which  the  report  of  cannon,  or  the  loudest  claps  of 
thunder,  could  bear  no  more  proportion  than  the 
gentle  zephyrs  of  the  evening  to  the  most  dreadful 
hurricane  :  but  the  shortness  of  its  duration  pre- 
vented all  those  fatal  effects  which  a  prolongation 
of  it  would  certainly  have  been  attended  with. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  129 

The  music  commenced,  and  I  saw  a  great  number 
of  the  most  beautiful  little  creatures  seize  the  other 
part}^,  and  tlirow  them  with  great  violence  into 
something  like  a  snuif-box,  which  they  shut  down, 
and  one  threw  it  away  with  incredible  velocity. 
Then  turning  to  me.,  he  said,  they  whom  he  had  se- 
cured were  a  party  of  devils,  who  had  wandered 
from  their  proper  habitation  ;  and  that  the  vehicle 
in  which  they  were  inclosed  would  fly  with  unaba- 
ting  rapidity  for  ten  thousand  years,  when  it  would 
burst  of  its  own  accord,  and  the  devils  would  re- 
cover their  liberty  and  faculties,  as  at  the  present 
moment.  He  had  no  sooner  finished  this  relation 
than  the  music  ceased,  and  they  all  disappeared, 
leaving  me  in  a  state  of  mind  bordering  on  the  con- 
fines of  despair. 

When  I  had  recomposed  myself  a  little,  and 
looking  betore  me  with  inexpressible  pleasure,  I 
observed  that  the  eagles  were  preparing  to  light  on 
the  peak  of  Teneriffe.  They  descended  on  the  top 
of  a  rock  ;  but  seeing  no  possible  means  of  escape  if 
1  dismounted,  determined  me  to  remain  wliere  I 
was.  The  eagles  sat  down  seemingly  fatigued, 
when  the  heat  of  the  sun  soon  caused  them  both  to 


130  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

fall  asleep;  nor  did  I  long  resist  its  fascinating 
power.  In  the  cool  of  the  evening,  when  the  sun 
liad  retired  below  the  horizon,  I  was  roused  from 
sleep  by  the  eagle  moving  under  me  ;  and  having 
stretched  myself  along  its  back,  I  sat  up,  and  reas- 
sumed  my  travelling  position,  when  they  both  took 
wing,  and  having  placed  themselves  as  before,  di- 
rected their  course  to  South  America.  The  moon 
shining  bright  during  the  whole  night,  I  had  a  fine 
view  of  all  the  islands  in  those  seas. 

About  the  break  of  day  we  reached  the  great 
continent  of  America,  that  part  called  Terra  Firma, 
and  descended  on  the  top  of  a  very  high  mountain. 
At  this  time  the  moon,  far  distant  in  the  w^est,  and 
obscured  hy  dark  clouds,  but  just  afforded  light 
sufficient  for  me  to  discover  a  kind  of  shrubbery  all 
around,  bearing  fruit  something  like  cabbages, 
which  the  eagles  began  to  feed  on  very  eagerly.  I 
endeavored  to  discover  my  situation,  but  fogs  and 
passing  clouds  involved  me  in  the  thickest  dark- 
ness ;  and  what  rendered  the  scene  still  more  shoclv- 
ing,  was  the  tremendous  howling  of  wild  beasts, 
some  of  whicli  appeared  to  be  very  near  :  however, 
I  determined  to  keep  my  seat,  imagining  that  the 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  131 

eagle  would  cany  me  away  if  any  of  them  should 
make  a  hostile  attempt.  When  daylight  began  to 
appear,  I  thought  of  examining  the  fruit  which  I 
had  seen  the  eagles  eat ;  and  as  some  was  hanging, 
which  I  could  easily  come  at,  I  took  out  my  knife 
and  cut  a  slice ;  but  how  great  was  my  surprise  to 
see  that  it  had  all  the  appearance  of  roast  beef,  reg- 
ularly mixed,  both  fat  and  lean !  I  tasted  it,  and 
found  it  well  flavored  and  delicious ;  then  cut  sev- 
eral large  slices  and  put  in  my  pocket,  where  I 
found  a  crust  of  bread  which  I  had  brought  from 
Margate ;  took  it  out,  and  found  three  musket-balls 
that  had  been  lodo-ed  in  it  on  Dover  Cliff.  I  ex- 
tracted  them,  and  cutting  a  few  slices  more,  made 
a  hearty  meal  of  bread  and  cold  beef  fruit.  I  then 
cut  down  two  of  the  largest  that  grew  near  me,  and 
tying  them  together  with  one  of  my  garters,  hung 
them  over  the  eagle's  neck  for  another  occasion, 
filling  my  pockets  at  the  same  time.  While  I  was 
settling  these  affairs,  I  observed  a  large  fruit  like  an 
inflated  bladder,  which  I  wished  to  try  an  experi- 
ment upon  ;  and  striking  my  knife  into  one  of  them, 
a  flue  pure  liquor  like  Hollands  gin  gushed  out, 
which  the  eagles  observing,  eagerly  drank  up  from 


132  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

the  ground.  I  cut  down  the  bladder  as  fast  as  I 
could,  and  saved  about  half  a  pint  in  the  bottom  of 
it,  which  I  tasted,  and  could  not  distinguish  it  from 
the  best  mountain  wine.  I  drank  it  all,  and  found 
myself  greatly  refreshed.  By  this  time  the  eagles 
began  to  stagger  against  the  shrubs.  I  endeavored 
to  keep  my  seat,  but  was  soon  thrown  to  some  dis- 
tance among  the  bushes.  In  attempting  to  rise,  I 
put  my  hand  upon  a  large  hedgehog,  which  hap- 
pened to  lie  among  the  grass  upon  its  back  :  it  in- 
stantly closed  round  my  hand,  so  that  I  found  it 
impossible  to  shake  it  off.  I  struck  it  several  times 
against  the  ground  without  effect ;  but  while  I  was 
thus  employed,  I  heard  a  rustling  among  the  shrub- 
bery, and  looking  up,  I  saw  a  huge  animal  within 
three  yards  of  me.  I  could  make  no  defence,  but 
held  out  both  my  hands,  when  it  rushed  upon  me 
and  ^eized  -that  on  which  the  hedgehog  was  fixed. 
My  hand  being  soon  relieved,  I  ran  to  some  dis- 
tance, where  I  saw  the  creature  suddenly  drop 
down  and  expire  with  the  hedgehog  in  its  throat. 
When  the  danger  was  past,  I  went  to  view  the 
eagles,  and  found  them  lying  on  the  grass  fast 
asleep,  being  intoxicated-  with  the  liquor  they  had 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  133 

clranlc.  Indeed,  I  found  myself  considerably  eleva- 
ted by  it,  and  seeing  every  thing  quiet,  I  began  to 
search  for  some  more,  which  I  soon  fomid ;  and 
having  cut  down  two  large  bladders,  about  a  gallon 
each,  I  tied  them  together,  and  hung  them  over  the 
neck  of  the  other  eagle  ;  and  two  smaller  ones  I 
tied  with  a  cord  round  my  own  waist.  Having  se- 
cured a  good  stock  of  provisions,  and  perceiving 
the  eagles  begin  to  recover,  I  again  took  my  seat. 
In  half  an  hour  they  arose  majestically  from  the 
place,  without  taking  the  least  notice  of  their  in- 
cumbrance. Each  reassumed  its  former  station  ; 
and  directing  their  course  to  the  northward,  they 
crossed  the  Gulf  of  Mexico,  entered  North  America, 
and  steered  directly  for  the  polar  regions,  which 
gave  me  the  linest  opportunity  of  viewing  this  vast 
continent  that  can  possibly  be  imagined. 

Before  we  entered  the  frigid  zone,  the  cold  began 
to  affect  me;  but  piercing  one  of  my  bladders,  I 
took  a  draught,  and  found  that  it  could  make  no 
impression  on  m.e  afterwiu*ds.  Passing  over  Hud- 
son's Bay,  I  saw  several  of  the  Companj^'s  sliips 
lying  at  anchor,  and  many  tribes  of  Indians  march- 
ing with  their  furs  to  market. 

12 


134r  OKIGINAL  TKAVELS  OF 

By  this  time  I  was  so  reconciled  to  my  seat,  and 
become  such  an  expert  rider,  that  I  could  sit  up 
and  look  around  me  ;  but  in  general  I  lay  along  the 
eagle's  neck,  grasping  it  in  my  arms,  with  my 
hands  immersed  in  its  feathers,  in  order  to  keep 
them  warm. 

In  these  cold  climates  I  observed  that  the  eaajles 
flew  with  greater  rapidity,  in  order,  I  suppose,  to 
keep  their  blood  in  circulation.  In  passing  Baffin's 
Bay  I  saw  several  large  Greenlandmen  to  the  east- 
ward, and  many  surprising  mountains  of  ice  in 
those  seas. 

AVhile  I  was  surveying  these  wonders  of  nature, 
it  occurred  to  me  that  this  was  a  good  opportunity 
to  discover  the  northwest  passage,  if  any  such 
thing  existed,  and  not  only  obtain  the  reward  of- 
fered by  government,  but  the  honor  of  a  discovery 
pregnant  with  so  many  advantages  to  every  Euro- 
pean nation.  But  while  my  thoughts  were  ab- 
sorbed in  this  pleasing  reverie,  I  -was  alarmed  by 
the  first  eagle  striking  its  head  against  a  solid,  trans- 
parent substance  ;  and  in  a  moment  that  which  I 
rode  experienced  the  same  fate,  and  both  fell  down 
seemingly  dead. 


EAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  135 

Here  our  lives  must  inevitably  have  terminated, 
had  not  a  sense  of  danger,  and  the  singularity  of  my 
situation,  inspired  me  with  a  degree  of  skill  and  dex- 
terity which  enabled  us  to  fall  near  two  miles  per- 
pendicular with  as  little  inconvenience  as  if  we  had 
been  let  down  with  a  rope ;  for  no  sooner  did  I  per- 
ceive the  eagles  strike  against  a  frozen  cloud,  which 
is  very  common  near  the  poles,  than  (they  being 
close  together)  I  laid  myself  along  the  back  of  the 
foremost,  and  took  hold  of  its  wings  to  keep  them 
extended,  at  the  same  time  stretching  out  my  legs 
behind  to  support  the  wings  of  the  other.  This  had 
the  desired  effect ;  and  we  descended  very  safe  on  a 
mountain  of  ice,  which  I  supposed  to  be  about  three 
miles  above  the  level  of  the  sea. 

I  dismounted,  unloaded  the  eagles,  opened  one 
of  the  bladders,  and  administered  some  of  the  liquor 
to  each  of  them,  without  once  considering  that  the 
horrors  of  destruction  seemed  to  have  conspired 
against  me.  The  roaring  of  waves,  crashing  of  ice, 
and  the  howling  of  bears,  conspired  to  form  a  scene 
the  most  awful  and  tremendous :  but  notwithstand- 
ing this,  uiy  concern  for  the  recovery  of  the  eagles 
was  so  great,  that  I  was  insensible  of  the  danger  to 


136  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

which  I  was  exposed.  •  Having  rendered  them 
ever}^  assistance  in  my  power,  I  stood  over  them  in 
painful  anxiety,  fully  sensible  that  it  was  only  by 
means  of  them  that  I  could  possibly  be  delivered 
from  these  abodes  of  despair. 

But  suddenly  a  monstrous  bear  began  to  roar  be- 
hind me,  with  a  voice  like  thunder.  1  turned 
round,  and  seeing  the  creature  just  ready  to  devour 
me,  having  the  bladder  of  liquor  in  my  hands, 
through  fear  I  squeezed  it  so  hard,  that  it  burst, 
and  the  liquor  flying  in  the  eyes  of  the  animal,  to- 
tally deprived  it  of  sight.  It  instantly  turned  from 
me,  ran  away  in  a  state  of  distraction,  and  soon  fell 
over  a  precipice  of  ice  into  the  sea,  where  I  saw  it 
no  more. 

The  danger  being  over,  I  again  turned  my  atten- 
tion to  the  eagles,  whom  I  found  in  a  fair  way  of 
recovery,  and  suspecting  that  they  were  faint  for 
want  of  victuals,  I  took  one  of  the  beef  fruits,  cut 
it  into  small  slices,  and  presented  them  with  it, 
which  they  devoured  with  avidity. 

Having  given  them  plenty  to  eat  and  drink,  and 
disposed-  of  the  remainder  of  my  provision,  I  took 
possession  of  my  seat  as  before.     After  composing 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  137 

myself,  and  adjusting  every  thing  in  the  best  man- 
ner, I  began  to  eat  and  drink  very  heartily  ;  and 
through  tlie  effects  of  tlie  Mountain,  as  I  called  it," 
was  very  cheerful,  and  began  to  sing  a  few  verses 
of  a  song,  which  I  had  learned  when  I  was  a  boy  : 
but  the  noise  soon  alarmed  the  eagles,  who  had 
been  asleep  through  the  quantity  of  liquor  which 
they  had  drank,  and  they  arose  seemingly  much 
terrified.  Happily  for  me,  however,  when  I  Avas 
feeding  them  I  had  accidentally  turned  their  heads 
towards  the  southeast,  which  course  they -pursued 
with  a  rapid  motion.  In  a  few  hours  I  saw  the 
western  isles ;  and  soon  after  had  the  inexpressible 
pleasure  of  seeing  Old  England.  I  took  no  notice 
of  the  seas  or  islands  over  which  I  passed. 

The  eagles  descended  gradually  as  they  drew 
near  the  shore,  intending,  as  I  supposed,  to  alight 
on  one  of  the  Welsh  mountains  ;  but  when  they 
came  to  the  distance  of  about  sixty  yards,  two  guns 
were  fired  at  them,  loaded  with  balls,  one  of  which 
took  place  in  a  bladder  of  liquor  that  hung  to  my 
waist ;  the  other  entered  the  breast  of  the  foremost 
eagle,  who  fell  to  the  ground,  while  that  which  I 

12» 


138  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS. 

rode,  having  received  no  injniy,  flew  away  with 
amazing  swiftness. 

This  circumstance  ahirmed  me  exceedingly,  and 
I  began  to  think  that  it  was  impossible  for  me  to 
escape  with  my  life ;  but  recovering  a  little,  I  once 
more  looked  down  upon  the  earth,  when  to  my  in- 
expressible joy,  I  saw  Margate  at  a  little  distance, 
and  the  eagle  descending  on  the  old  tower  whence 
it  had  carried  me  on  the  morning  of  the  day  before. 
It  no  sooner  came  down  than  I  threw  myself  off, 
happy  to  find  that  I  was  once  more  restored  to  the 
world.  The  eagle  flew  away  in  a  few  minutes,  and 
I  sat  down  to  compose  my  fluttering  spirits,  which 
I  did  in  a  few  hours. 

I  soon  paid  a  visit  to  my  friends,  and  related 
these  adventures.  Amazement  stood  in  every  coun- 
tenance ;  their  congratulations  on  my  returning  in 
safety  were  repeated  with  an  unaffected  degree  of 
pleasure,  and  we  passed  the  evening  as  we  are 
doing  now,  every  person  present  paying  the  highest 
compliments  to  my  Courage  and  Yeeacity.  • 


PKEFACE 

TO   THE    SECOND   VOLUME. 


AEOK  MUNCHAUSEN  has  certainly 
been  productive  of  much  benefit  to  the 
^^^Q)  literary  world :  the  numbers  of  egregious 
travellers  have  been  such,  that  they  demanded  a 
very  Gulliver  to  surpass  them.  If  Baron  de  Tott 
dauntlessly  discharged  an  enormous  piece  of  artil- 
lery, the  Baron  Munchausen  has  done  more  ;  he  has 
taken  it  and  swam  with  it  across  the  sea.  When 
travellers  are  solicitous  to  be  the  heroes  o'f  their  own 
story,  surely  they  must  admit  to  superiority,  and 
blush  at  seeing  themselves  outdone  by  the  renowned 
Munchausen.  I  doubt  whether  any  one  hitherto, 
Pantagruel,  Gargantua,  Captain  Lemuel,  or  De  Tott, 
has  been  able  to  outdo  our  Baron  in  this  species  of 
excellence:  and  as  at  present  our  curiosity  seems 


140  PREFACE. 

mucli  directed  to  the  interior  of  Africa,  it  must  be 
edifying  to  have  the  real  relation  of  Muncliausen's 
adventures  there  before  any  further  intelligence  ar- 
rives ;  for  he  seems  to  adapt  himself  and  his  ex- 
ploits to  the  spirit  of  the  times,  and  recounts  what 
he  thinks  should  be  most  interesting  to  his  au- 
ditors. 

I  do  not  say  that  the  Baron,  in  the  following 
stories,  means  a  satire  on  any  political  matters 
whatever.  IS^o,  but  if  the  reader  understands  them 
so,  I  cannot  help  it. 

If  the  Baron  meets  with  a  parcel  of  negro  ships 
carrying  whites  into  slavery  to  work  on  their  plan- 
tations in  a  cold  climate,  should  we  therefore  im- 
agine that  he  intends  a  reflection  on  the  present 
traffic  in  human  flesh?  And  that,  if  the  negroes 
should  do  so,  it  would  be  simple  justice,  as  retalia- 
tion is  the  Taw  of  God !  If  we  were  to  think  this  a 
reflection  on  any  present  commercial  or  political 
matter,  we  should  be  tempted  to  imagine,  perhaps, 
some  political  ideas  conveyed  in  every  page,  in 
every  sentence  of  the  whole.  Whether  such  things 
are  or  are  not  tlie  intentions  of  the  Baron,  the 
reader  must  j  udge. 


PREFACE.  14:1 

We  have  had  not  only  wonderful  travellers  in 
this  vile  world,  bnt  splenetic  travellers,  and  of  these 
not  a  few,  and  also  conspicuous  enough.  It  is  a 
pitj,  therefore,  that  the  Baron  has  not  endeavored 
to  surpass  them  also  in  this  species  of  story-telling. 
Who  is  it  can  read  the  travels  of  Smellfungus,  as 
Sterne  calls  him,  without  admiration?  To  think  that 
a  person  from  the  north  of  Scotland,  should  travel 
through  some  of  the  finest  countries  in  Europe, 
and  find  fault  with  every  thing  he  meets — nothing 
to  please  him  !  And  therefore,  methinks,  the  Tour 
to  the  Hebrides  is  more  excusable ;  and  also  per- 
haps Mr.  Twiss's  Tour  in  Ireland.  Dr.  Johnson, 
bred  in  the  luxuriance  of  London,  with  more  reason 
should  become  cross  and  splenetic  in  the  bleak  and 
dreary  regions  of  the  Hebrides. 

The  Baron,  in  the  following  work,  seems  to  be 
sometimes  philosophical ;  his  account  of  the  lan- 
guage of  the  interior  of  Africa,  and  its  analogy  with 
that  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  Moon,  show  him  to  be 
profoundly  versed  in  the  etymological  antiquities  of 
nations,  and  throw  new  light  upon  the  abstruse  his- 
tory of  the  anient  Scythians  and  the  Collectanea. 

His   endeavor  to  abolish   the   custom  of  eating 


142  PREFACE. 

live  flesh  in  the  interior  of  Africa,  as  described  in 
Brace's  Travels,  is  truly  humane.  But  far  be  it 
from  me  to  suppose,  that  by  Gog  and  Magog,  and 
the  Lord  Mayor's  Show,  he  means  a  satire  upon 
any  person,  or  body  of  persons  whatever ;  or,  by  a 
tedious  litigated  trial  of  blind  judges  and  dumb 
matrons  following  a  wild  goose  chase  all  round  the 
world,  he  should  glance  at  any  trial  whatever. 

ISTevertheless,  I  must  allow  that  it  was  extremely 
presumptuous  in  Munchausen  to  tell  half  the  sover- 
eigns of  the  world  that  they  were  wrong,  and  advise 
them  what  they  ought  to  do  ;  and  that  instead  of 
ordering  milHons  of  their  subjects  to  massacre  one 
another,  it  would  be  more  to  their  interest  to  em- 
ploy their  forces  in  concert  for  the  general  good ; 
as  if  he  knew  better  than  the  Empress  of  Russia, 
the  Grand  Yizier,  Prince  Potemkin,  or  any  other 
butcher  in  the  world.  But  that  he  should  be  a  roy- 
al aristocrat,  and  take  the  part  of  the  injured  Queen 
of  France  in  the  present  political  drama,  I  am  not 
at  all  surprised ;  but  I  suppose  his  mind  was  tired 
by  reading  the  pamphlet  written  by  Mr.  Burke. 


THE    SECOND    VOLUME 


mxixiHtt  ^Wf^nUj'iix^t. 


LL  that  I  have  related  before,  said 
the  Baron,  is  gospel ;  and  if 
there  be  any  one  so  hardy 
as  to  deny  it,  I  am  ready  to 
fight  him  with  any  weapon 
he  pleases.  Yes,  cried  he,  in 
a  more  elevated  tone  as  he  started  from  his  seat,  I 
will  condemn  him  to  swallow  this  decanter,  glass 
and  all,  perhaps  and  filled  with  kerren-wasser  [a 
kind  of  ardent  spirit  distilled  from  cherries,  and 
much  used  in  some  parts  of  Germany].  Therefore, 
my  dear  friends  and  companions,  have  confidence 
in  what  I  say,  and  pay  honor  to  the  tales  of  Mun- 
chausen.    A  traveller  has  a  right  to  relate  and  em- 


144:  OKIGINAL  TKAVELS   OF 

bellish  his  adventures  as  he  pleases ;  and  it  is  very 
impolite  to  refuse  that  deference  and  applause  thej 
deserve. 

Having  passed  some  time  in  England  since  the 
completion  of  my  former  memoirs,  I  at  length  be- 
gan to  revolve  in  my  mind  what  a  prodigious  field 
of  discovery  must  be  in  the  interior  part  of  Africa. 
I  could  not  sleep  with  the  thoughts  of  it ;  I  therefore 
determined  to  gain  every  proper  assistance  from 
government,  to  penetrate  the  celebrated  source  of 
the  Xile,  and  assume  the  viceroyship  of  the  interior 
kingdoms  of  Africa,  or,  at  least,  the  great  realm  of 
Monomotapa.  It  was  happy  for  me  that  I  had 
one  most  powerful  friend  at  court,  whom  I -shall 
call  the  illustrious  Hilaro  Frosticos.  You  per-- 
chance  know  him  not  by  that  name  ;  but  we  had  a 
language  among  ourselves,  as  well  we  may ;  for,  in 
the  course  of  my  peregrinations  I  have  acquired 
precisely  nine  hundred  and  ninety-nine  leash  of 
languages. — What !  gentlemen,  do  you  stare  ?  Well, 
I  allow  there  are  not  so  many  languages  spoken  in 
this  vile  world ;  but  then,  have  I  not  been  jn  the 
Moon  ?  and  trust  me,  whenever  I  write  a  Treatise 
upon  Education,  I  shall  delineate  methods  of  incul 


BARON  MUKCHAUSEN.  145 

eating  whole  dozens  of  languages  at  once,  French, 
Spanish,  Greek,  Hebrew,  Cherokee,  &c.,  in  such  a 
style  as  will  shame  all  the  pedagogues  existing. 

Having  passed  a  whole  night  without  being  able 
to  sleep  for  the  vivid  imagination  of  African  discov- 
eries, I  hastened  to  the  levee  of  my  illustrious  friend 
Hilaro  Frosticos ;  and  having  mentioned  my  inten- 
tion with  all  the  vigor  of  fancy,  he  gravely  consider- 
ed my  words,  and  after  some  awful  meditations,  thus 
he  spoke  :  Oloiigh^  ma  genesat^  istiom  fullanah^  cum 
dera  hargos  helgarasah  eseum  halgo  hartigos  triangu- 
lissimits  !  However,  added  he,  it  behooveth  thee  to 
consider  and  ponder  well  upon  the  perils  and  the 
multitudinous  dangers  in  the  way  of  that  wight  who 
thus  advanceth  in  all  the  perambulation  of  adven- 
tures :  and  verily,  most  valiant  Sire  and  Baron,  I 
hope  thou  wilt  demean  thyself  with  all  that  lauda- 
ble gravity  and  precaution  which,  as  is  related  in 
the  three  hundred  and  forty-seventh  chapter  of  the 
Prophilactics,  is  of  more  consideration  than  all  the 
merit  in  this  terraqueous  globe.  Yes,  most  truly  do 
I  advise  thee  unto  thy  good,  and  speak  unto  thee, 
most  valiant  Munchausen,  with  the  greatest  esteem, 
and  wush  thee  to  succeed  in  thy  voyage ;  for  it  is 

13 


146  OEIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

said,  that  in  the  interior  reahns  of  Africa  there  are 
tribes  that  can  see  but  jnst  three  inches  and  a  half 
beyond  the  extremity  of  their  noses;  and  verily 
thou  shouldest  moderate  thyself,  even  sure  and 
slow :  they  stumble  who  walk  fast.  But  we  shall 
bring  you  unto  the  Lady  Fragrantia,  and  liave  her 
opinion  of  the  matter.  He  then  took  from  his 
pocket  a  cap  of  dignity,  such  as  described  in  the 
most  honorable  and  antique  heraldry,  and  placing  it 
upon  my  head,  addressed  me  thus: — "As  thou 
seemest  again  to  revive  the  spirit  of  ancient  adven- 
ture, permit  me  to  place  upon  thy  head  this  favor, 
as  a  mark  of  the  esteem  in  which  I  hold  thy  valor- 
ous disposition." 

The  Lady  Fragrantia,  my  dear  friends,  was  one 
of  the  most  divine  creatures  in  all  Great  Britain, 
and  was  desperately  in  love  with  me.  She  was 
drawing  my  portrait  upon  a  piece  of  white  satin, 
when  the  most  noble  Hilaro  Frosticos  advanced. 
He  pointed  to  the  cap  of  dignity  which  he  had 
placed  upon  my  head.  "  I  do  declare,  Hilaro,"  said 
the  lovely  Fragrantia,  "  'tis  pretty,  'tis  interesting. 
I  love  you,  and  I  like  you,  my  dear  Baron,"  said  she, 
putting  on  another  plume ;  "this  gives  it  an  air  more 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  147 

delicate  and  more  fantastical.  I  do  thus,  my  dear 
Munchansen,  as  your  friend — yet  you  can  reject  or 
accept  my  present,  just  as  you  please  ;  but  I  like  the 
fancy ;  'tis  a  good  one,  and  I  mean  to  improve  it : 
and  against  whatever  enemies  you  go,  I  shall  have 
the  sweet  satisfaction  to  remember  you  bear  my 
favor  on  your  head." 

I  snatched  it  with  trepidation,  and  gracefully 
dropping  on  my  knees,  I  three  times  kissed  it  with 
all  the  rapture  of  romantic  love.  "  I  swear,"  cried 
I,  "  by  thy  bright  eyes,  and  by  the  lovely  whiteness 
of  thine  arm,  that  no  savage,  tyrant,  or  enemy  up- 
on the  face  of  the  earth  shall  despoil  me  of  this  fa- 
vor, while  one  drop  of  the  blood  of  the  Munchausens 
doth  circulate  in  my  veins ;  I  will  bear  it  triumphant 
through  the  realms  of  Africa,  whither  I  now  intend 
my  course,  and  make  it  respected  even  in  the  court 
of  Pr ester  John." 

"I  admire  your  spirit,"  replied  she,  "and  shall  use 
my  utmost  interest  at  court  to  have  you  dispatched 
w^ith  every  pomp,  and  as  soon  as  possible :  but 
here  comes  a  most  brilliant  company  indeed.  Lady 
Carolina  Wilhelmina  Amelia  Skeggs,  Lord  Spigot, 
and  Lady  Faucet,  and  the  Countess  of  Belleair." 


148  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

After  the  ceremonies  of  introduction  to  this  com- 
pany were  over,  we  proceeded  to  consult  upon  the 
business ;  and  as  the  cause  met  with  general  ap- 
plause, it  was  immediately  determined  that  I  should 
proceed  without  delay,  as  soon  as  I  obtained  the  sov- 
ereign approbation.  "  I  am  convinced,"  said  Lord 
Spigot,  "  that  if  there  be  any  thing  really  unknown 
and  worthy  of  our  most  ardent  curiosity,  it  must  be 
in  the  immense  regions  of  Africa;  that  country, 
wliich  seems  to  be  the  oldest  on  the  globe,  and  yet 
with  the  greater  part  of  which  we  are  almost  utter- 
ly unacquainted.  "What  prodigious  wealth  of  gold 
and  diamonds  must  not  lie  concealed  in  those  tor- 
rid regions,  when  the  very  rivers  on  the  coast  pour 
forth  continual  specimens  of  golden  sand !  'Tis  my 
opinion,  therefore,  that  the  Baron  deserves  the  ap- 
plause of  all  Europe  for  his  spirit,  and  merits  the 
most  powerful  assistance  of  the  sovereign." 

So  flattering  an  approbation,  you  may  be  sure, 
was  delightful  to  my  heart ;  and  with  every  confi- 
dence and  joy,  I  sufifered  them  to  take  me  to  court 
that  instant.  After  the  usual  ceremonies  of  intro- 
duction, sufiice  it  to  say,  that  I  met  with  every 
honor  and  applause  that  my  most  sanguine  expecta- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  149 

tions  could  demand.  I  had  always  a  taste  for  the 
fashionable  je  ne  sais  quoi  of  the  most  elegant  so- 
ciety, and  in  the  presence  of  all  the  sovereigns  of 
Europe  I  ever  found  myself  quite  at  home,  and  ex- 
perienced from  the  whole  court  the  most  flattering 
esteem  and  admiration.  I  remember,  one  particu- 
lar day,  the  fate  of  the  unfortunate  Marquis  de 
Bellecourt. — The  Countess  of  Kassinda,  who  accom- 
panied him,  looked  most  divinely. — "Yes,  I  am  con- 
fident," said  the  Marquis  de  Bellecourt  to  me,  "  that 
I  have  acted  according  to  the  strictest  sentiments 
of  justice,  and  of  loyalty  to  my  sovereign.  *  What 
stronger  breastplate  than  a  heart  untainted?  and 
though  I  did  not  receive  a  word  nor  a  look,  yet  I 
cannot  think — no,  it  were  impossible — to  be  mis- 
represented. Conscious  of  my  own  integrity,  I  will 
try  again — I  wdll  go  boldly  up."  The  Marquis  de 
Bellecourt  saw  the  opportunity ;  he  advanced  three 
paces,  put  his  hand  ujDon  his  breast  and  bowed. 
"Permit  me,"  said  he,  "with  the  most  profound 

respect,  to ."     His  tongue  faltered — he  could 

scarcely  believe  his  sight ;  for  at  that  moment  the 
whole  company  were  moving  out  of  the  room. 
He  found  himself  almost  alone,  deserted  by  every 

13« 


150  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

one.  "  What!"  said  he,  "  and  did  he  turn  upon  his 
heels  with  the  most  marked  contempt?  Would  he 
not  speak  to  me  ?  Would  he  not  even  hear  me  utter 
a  word  in  my  defence?"  His  heart  died  within 
him — not  even  a  look,  a  smile  from  any  one.  "  My 
friends !  Do  they  not  know  me  ?  Do  they  not  see 
me  ?     Alas !    they  fear  to  catch  the  contagion  of 

my .     Then,"   said    he,   "adieu! — 'tis    more 

than  I  can  bear — I  shall  go  to  my  country-seat, 
and  never,  never  will  return.  Adieu,  fond  court, 
adieu ! — " 

The  Venerable  Marquis  de  Bellecourt  stopped  for 
a  moment  ere  he  entered  his  carriage.  Thrice  he 
looked  back,  and  thrice  he  wiped  the  starting  tear 
from  his  eye.  "  Yes,"  said  he,  "  for  once  at  least, 
Truth  shall  be  found — in  the  bottom  of  a  well." 

Peace  to  thy  ghost,  most  noble  marquis, — a  King 
of  kings  shall  pity  thee ;  and  thousands  who  are 
yet  unborn  shall  owe  their  happiness  to  thee,  and 
have  cause  to  bless  thee ;  thousands,  perhaps,  that 
shall  never  even  know  thy  name but  Mun- 
chausen's self  shall  celebrate  thy  glory. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN, 


151 


(&\xix\)ttv  l&wtwUj'^tti^nA. 


'J/  '^/ 


YERYTHING  being  concluded, 
and  having  received  ray  instruc- 
tions for  the  voyage,  I  was  con- 
ducted by  the  illustrious  Hilaro 
.  Frosticos,  the  Lady  Fragrantia, 
*  and  a  prodigious  crowd  of  no- 
bility, and  placed  sitting  upon  the  summit  of  the 
whale's  bones  at  the  palace  ;  and  having  remained 
in  this  situation  for  three  days  and  three  nights,  as 
a  trial  ordeal,  and  a  specimen  of  my  perseverance 
and  resolution,  the  third  hour  after  midnight  they 
seated  me  in  the  chariot  of  Queen  Mab.  It  was  of  a 
prodigious  dimension,  large  enough  to  contain  more 
stowage  than  the  tun  of  Heidelberg,  and  globular 
like  a  hazel-nut ;  in  fact,  it  seemed  to  be  really  a 
hazel-nut  grown  to  a  most  extravagant  dimension, 


152  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

and  that  a  great  worm  of  proportionable  enormity 
had  bored  a  hole  in  the  sliell.  Through  this  same 
entrance  I  was  ushered.  It  was  as  large  as  a  coach- 
door,  and  I  took  my  seat  in  the  centre,  a  kind  of 
chair  self-balanced  without  touching  any  thing,  like 
the  fancied  tomb  of  Mahomet.  The  whole  interior 
surface  of  the  nutshell  appeared  a  luminous  repre- 
sentation of  all  the  stars  of  heaven,  the  fixed  stars, 
the  planets,  and  a  comet.  The  stars  were  as  large 
as  those  worn  by  our  first  nobility ;  and  the  comet, 
excessively  brilliant,  seemed  as  if  you  had  assem- 
bled all  the  eyes  of  the  beautiful  girls  in  the 
kingdom,  and  combined  them,  like  a  peacock's 
plumage,  into  the  form  of  a  comet — that  is,  a  globe, 
and  a  bearded  tail  to  it,  diminishing  gradually  to  a 
point.  This  beautiful  constellation  seemed  very 
sportive  and  delightful.  It  was  much  in  the  form 
of  a  tadpole!  and  without  ceasing,  went  full  of 
playful  giddiness  up  and  down,  all  over  the  heaven, 
on  the  concave  surface  of  the  nutshell.  One  time 
it  wonld  be  at  that  part  of  the  heavens  under  my 
feet,  and  in  the  next  minute  would  be  over  my 
head.  It  was  never  at  rest,  but  forever  going  east, 
west,  north,  or  south,  and  paid  no  more  respect  to 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  153 

the  different  worlds  than  if  they  were  so  many 
lanterns  without  reflectors.  Some  of  them  he  would 
dash  against  and  push  out  of  their  places ;  others  he 
would  burn  up  and  consume  to  ashes ;  and  others 
again  he  would  split  into  fritters,  and  their  fragments 
would  instantly  take  a  globular  form,  like  spilled 
quicksilver,  and  become  satellites  to  whatever  other 
worlds  they  should  haj^pen  to  meet  Avitli  in  their 
career.  In  short,  the  whole  seemed  an  epitome  of 
the  creation,  past,  present,  and  future ;  and  all  that 
passes  among  the  stars  during  one  thousand  years, 
was  here  generally  performed  in  as  many  sec- 
onds. 

I  surveyed  all  the  beauties  of  the  chariot  with 
wonder  and  delight.  "  Certainly,"  cried  I,  "  this  is 
heaven  in  miniature !"  In  short,  I  took  the  reins  in 
my  hand. — But  before  I  proceed  on  my  adventures, 
I  shall  mention  the  rest  of  my  attendant  furniture. 
The  chariot  was  drawn  by  a  team  of  nine  bulls  har- 
nessed to  it,  three  after  three.  In  the  first  rank 
was  a  most  tremendous  bull,  named  John  Mow- 
mowsky ;  the  rest  were  called  Jacks  in  general,  but 
not  dignified  by  any  particular  denomination. 
They  were  all  shod  for  the  journey,  not  indeed  like 


154  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

horses,  "with  iron,  or  as  bullocks  commonly  are,  to 
drag  on  a  cart ;  but  were  shod  with  men's  skulls. 
Each  of  their  feet  was,  hoof  and  all,  crammed  into 
a  man's  head,  cut  off  for  the  purpose,  and  fastened 
therein  with  a  kind  of  cement  or  paste,  so  that  the 
skull  seemed  to  be  a  part  of  the  foot  and  hoof  of 
the  animal.  With  these  skull-shoes  the  creatures 
could  perform  astonishing  journeys,  and  slide  upon 
the  water,  or  upon  the  ocean,  with  great  velocity. 
The  harnesses  w^ere  fastened  with  golden  buckles, 
and  decked  with  studs  in  a  superb  style ;  and  the 
creatures  were  ridden  by  nine  postillions, — crickets 
of  great  size,  as  large  as  monkeys,  who  sat  squat 
upon  the  heads  of  the  bulls,  and  were  continually 
chirping  at  a  most  infernal  rate,  loud  in  proportion 
to  their  bodies. 

The  wheels  of  the  chariot  consisted  of  upwards  of 
ten  thousand  springs,  formed  so  as  to  give  the 
greater  impetuosity  to  the  vehicle,  and  were  more 
complex  than  a  dozen  clocks  like  that  of  Strasburg. 
The  external  of  the  chariot  w^as  adorned  with 
banners,  and  a  superb  festoon  of  the  laurel  that 
formerly  shaded  me  on  horseback.  And  now, 
having  given  you  a  verj-  concise  description  of  my 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


155 


machine  for  travelling  into  Africa,  which  you  must 
allow  to  be  far  superior  to  the  apparatus  of 
Monsieur  Yaillant,  I  shall  proceed  to  relate  the 
exploits  of  my  voyage. 


156 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(S%it\Htt  ^wtnt^4Uxx&. 


AKIISTG  the  reins  in  my  hand, 
while  the  music  gave  a  general 
salute,  I  cracked  my  whip — 
away  they  went — and  in  three 
hom's  I  found  myself  just  be- 
tween the  Isle  of  Wight  and  the  main-land  of 
England.  Here  I  remained  four  days,  until  I  had 
received  part  of  my  accompaniment,  which  I  was 
ordered  to  take  under  my  convoy.  'Twas  a  squad- 
ron of  men-of-war  that  had  been  a  long  time  pre- 
pared for  the  Baltic,  but  which  were  now  destined 
for  the  Mediterranean.  By  the  assistance  of  large 
hooks  and  eyes,  exactly  such  as  are  worn  in  our 
hats,  but  of  a  greater  size,  some  hundred-weight 
each,  the  men-of-war  hooked  themselves  on  to  the 
wheels  of  the  vehicle :  and,  in  fact,  nothing  could 
be  more  simple  or  convenient ;  because  they  could 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  157 

be  hooked  or  unhooked  in  an  instant  with  the  ut- 
most facility.  In  short,  having  given  a  general 
discharge  of  their  artillery,  and  three  cheers,  I 
cracked  my  whip ;  away  we  went,  helter-skelter, 
and  in  six  jiffies  I  found  myself  and  all  my  retinue, 
safe  and  in  good  spirits,  just  at  the  rock  of  Gibraltar. 
Here  I  unhooked  my  squadron,  and  having  taken 
an  affectionate  leave  of  the  officers,  I  suffered  them 
to  proceed  in  their  ordinary  manner  to  the  place  of 
their  destination.  The  whole  garrison  were  highly 
delighted  with  the  novelty  of  my  vehicle ;  and  at  the 
pressing  solicitations  of  the  governor  and  officers,  I 
went  ashore,  and  took  a  view  of  that  barren  old  rock, 
about  which  more  powder  has  been  fired  away  than 
would  purchase  twice  as  much  fertile  ground  in  any 
part  of  the  world.  Mounting  my  chariot,  I  took 
the  reins,  and  again  made  forward,  in  mad  career, 
down  the  Mediterranean,  to  the  isle  of  Candia. 
Here  I  received  dispatches  from  the  Sublime  Porte, 
entreating  me  to  assist  in  the  war  against  Russia, 
with  a  reward  of  the  whole  island  of  Candia  for  my 
alliance.  At  first.  I  hesitated,  thinking  that  the 
island  of  Candia  would  be  a  most  valuable  acquisi- 
tion to  the  sovereign  who  at  that  time  employed  me, 

u 


168  ORIGINAL  travp:ls  of 

and  that  the  most  delicious  wines,  sugar,  &c.,  in 
abundance  would  flourish  on  the  island ;  yet,  when 
I  considered  the  trade  of  the  East  India  Company, 
which  would  most  probably  suffer  by  the  inter- 
course with  Persia  through  the  Mediterranean,  I 
at  once  rejected  the  proposal,  and  had  afterwards 
the  thanks  of  the  Honorable  the  House  of  Commons 
for  my  propriety  and  political  discernment. 

Having  been  properly  refreshed  at  Candia,  I 
again  proceeded,  and  in  a  short  time  arrived  in  the 
land  of  Egypt.  Tlie  land  of  this  country,  at  least 
that  part  of  it  near  the  sea,  is  very  low,  so  that  I 
came  upon  it  ere  I  was  aware ;  and  the  Pillar  of 
Pompey  got  entangled  in  the  various  wheels  of  the 
machine,  and  damaged  the  whole  considerably. 
Still  I  drove  on  through  thick  and  thin,  till  passing 
over  that  great  obelisk,  the  Needle  of  Cleopatra, 
the  work  got  entangled  again,  and  jolted  at  a 
miserable  rate  over  the  mud  and  swampy  ground  of 
all  that  country ;  yet  my  poor  bulls  trotted  on  with 
astonishing  labor  across  the  Isthmus  of  Suez  into 
the  Red  Sea,  and  left  a  track,  an  obscure  channel, 
which  has  since  been  taken  by  De  Tott  for  the  re- 
mains of  a  canal  cut  by  some  of  the  Ptolemies  from 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  159 

the  Red  Sea  to  the  Mediterranean ;  but,  as  you  per- 
ceive, was  in  reality  no  more  than  the  track  of  my 
chariot,  the  car  of  Queen  Mab. 

As  the  artists  at  present  in  that  country  are  noth- 
ing wonderful,  though  the  ancient  Egyptians,  'tis 
said,  were  most  astonishing  fellows,  I  could  not  pro- 
cure any  new  coach-springs,  or  have  a  possibility  of 
setting  my  machine  to  rights  in  the  kingdom  of 
Egypt ;  and  as  I  could  not  presume  to  attempt 
another  journey  overland,  and  the  great  mountains 
of  marble  beyond  the  source  of  the  Nile,  I  thought 
it  most  eligible  to  make  the  best  way  I  could,  by 
sea,  to  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope,  where  I  supposed  1 
should  get  some  Dutch  smiths  and  carpenters,  or 
perhaps  some  English  artists ;  and  my  vehicle  be- 
ing properly  repaired,  it  was  my  intention  thence 
to  proceed,  overland,  through  the  heart  of  Africa. 
The  surface  of  the  water,  I  well  knew,  afforded  less 
resistance  to  the  wheels  of  the  machine, — it  passed 
along  the  waves  like  the  chariot  of  Neptune ;  and 
in  short,  having  gotten  upon  the  Red  Sea,  we  scud- 
ded away  to  admiration,  through  the  pass  of  Ba- 
belmandel  to  the  great  western  coast  of  Africa, 
where  Alexander  had  not  the  courage  to  venture. 


160  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

And  really,  my  friends,  if  Alexander  had  ven- 
tured towards  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope,  he  most  prob- 
ably would  have  never  returned.  It  is  difficult  to 
determine  whether  there  were  then  any  inhabitants 
in  the  more  southern  parts  of  Africa  or  not ;  yet,  at 
any  rate,  this  conqueror  of  the  world  would  have 
made  but  a  nonsensical  adventure ;  his  miserable 
ships,  not  contrived  for  a  long  voyage,  would  have 
become  leaky,  and  foundered,  before  he  could  have 
doubled  the  Cape,  and  left  his  Majesty  fairly  be- 
yond the  limits  of  the  then  known  world.  Yet  it 
would  have  been  an  august  exit  for  an  Alexander, 
after  having  subdued  Persia  and  India,  to  go  wan- 
dering the  Lord  knows  where,  to  Jupiter  Ammon, 
perhaps ;  or  on  a  voyage  to  the  moon,  as  an  Indian 
chief  once  said  to  Captain  Cook. 

But,  for  my  part,  I  was  far  more  successful  than 
Alexander — I  drove  on  with  the  most  amazing  ra- 
pidity ;  and  thinking  to  halt  on  shore  at  the  Cape,  I 
unfortunately  drove  too  close,  and  shattered  the 
right  side-wheels  of  my  vehicle  against  the  rock, 
now  called  the  Table  Mountain.  The  machine  went 
against  it  wdth  such  imj)etuosity,  as  completely 
shivered  the  rock  in  a  horizontal  direction ;  so  that 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  161 

the  summit  of  the  mountain,  in  the  form  of  a  semi- 
sphere,  was  knocked  into  the  sea;  and  the  stee]) 
mountain  becoming  thereby  flattened  at  the  top,  has 
since  received  the  name  of  the  Table  Mountain, 
from  its  similarity  to  that  piece  of  furniture. 

Just  as  this  part  of  the  mountain  was  knocked  off, 
the  ghost  of  the  Cape,  that  tremendous  sprite, 
which  cuts  such  a  figure  in  the  Lusiad,  was  discov- 
ered sitting  squat,  in  an  excavation  formed  for  him 
in  the  centre  of  the  mountain.  He  seemed  just  like 
a  young  bee  in  his  little  cell  before  he  comes  forth, 
or  like  a  bean  in  a  bean-pod ;  and  when  the  upper 
part  of  the  mountain  was  split  across  and  knocked 
off,  the  superior  half  of  his  person  was  discovered. 
He  appeared  of  a  bottle-blue  color,  and  started,  daz- 
zled with  the  unexpected  glare  of  the  light :  hear- 
ing the  dreadful  rattle  of  the  wheels,  and  the  loud 
chirping  of  the  crickets,  he  was  thunderstruck,  and 
instantly  giving  a  shriek,  sunk  down  ten  thousand 
fathoms  into  the  earth ;  while  the  mountain,  vomit- 
ing out  some  smoke,  silently  closed  up,  and  left  not 
a  trace  behind. 

14* 


162 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(&U)x\)itx  3tvjeuti}-f0uvtb* 


^^  PEKCEIYED  with  grief  and  con- 
sternation the  miscarriage  of  all  my 
apparatus ;  yet  I  was  not  absolutely 
dejected  :  a  great  mind  is  never 
known  but  in  adversity.  With  per- 
mission of  the  Dutch  governor,  thje 
chariot  was  properly  laid  up  in  a  great  storehouse, 
erected  at  the  water's  edge,  and  the  bulls  received 
every  refreshment  possible  after  so  terrible  a  voyage. 
Well,  you  may  be  sure  they  deserved  it ;  and  there- 
fore every  attendance  was  engaged  for  them,  until  I 
should  return.  As  it  was  not  possible  to  do  any 
thing  more,  I  took  my  passage  in  a  homeward- 
bound  Indiaman,  to  return  to  London,  and  lay  the 
matter  before  the  Privy  Council. 

We  met  with  nothing  particular  until  we  arrived 
upon  the  coast  of  Guinea,  where,  to  our  utter  aston- 


BARON  laONCHAUSEN.  163 

ishment,  Ave  perceived  a  great  hill,  seemingly  of 
glass,  advancing  against  us  in  the  open  sea :  the 
rays  of  the  sun  were  reflected  upon  it  with  such 
splendor,  that  it  was  extremely  difficult  to  gaze  at 
the  phenomenon.  I  immediately  knew  it  to  be  an 
island  of  ice,  and,  though  in  so  very  warm  a  lati- 
tude, determined  to  make  all  possible  sail  from  such 
horrible  danger.  We  did  so,  but  all  in  vain,  for 
about  eleven  o'clock  at  night,  blowing  a  very  hard 
gale,  and  exceedingly  dark,  we  struck  upon  the 
island.  Nothing  could  equal  the  distraction,  the 
shrieks,  and  despair  of  the  whole  crew,  until  I, 
knowing  there  was  not  a  moment  to  be  lost,  cheered 
up  their  spirits,  and  bade  them  not  despond,  but  do 
as  I  should  request  them.  In  a  few  minutes  the 
vessel  was  half  full  of  water;  and  the  enormous 
castle  of  ice  that  seemed  to  hem  us  in  on  every  side, 
in  some  places  falling  in  hideous  fragments  upon 
the  deck,  killed  the  one  half  of  the  crew ;  upon 
which,  getting  upon  the  summit  of  the  mast,  I  con- 
trived to  make  it  fast  to  a  great  promontoiy  of  the 
ice,  and  calling  to  the  remainder  of  the  crew  to 
follow  me,  we  all  escaped  from  the  wreck,  and  got 
upon  the  summit  of  the  island. 


164  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

The  rising  sun  soon  gave  us  a  dreadful  prospect 
of  our  situation,  and  the  loss,  or  rather  icefication, 
of  the  vessel ;  for  being  closed  in  on  every  side 
with  castles  of  ice  during  the  night,  she  was  abso- 
lutely frozen  over  and  buried,  in  such  a  manner 
that  we  could  behold  her  under  our  feet,  even  in 
the  central  solidity  of  the  island.  Having  debated 
what  was  best  to  be  done,  we  immediately  cut  down 
through  the  ice,  and  got  up  some  of  the  cables  of 
the  vessel  and  the  boats,  which  making  fast  to  the 
island,  we  towed  it  with  all  our  might,  determined 
to  bring  home  island  and  all,  or  perish  in  the  at- 
tempt. On  the  summit  of  the  island  we  placed 
what  oakum  and  dregs  of  every  kind  of  matter  we 
could  get  from  the  vessel ;  which,  in  the  space  of  a 
very  few  hours,  on  account  of  the  liquefying  of  the 
ice,  and  the  warmth  of  the  sun,  were  transformed 
into  a  very  fine  manure ;  and  as  I  had  some  seeds 
of  exotic  vegetables  in  my  pocket,  we  shortly  had  a 
sufficiency  of  fruits  and  roots  growing  upon  the 
island  to  supply  the  whole  crew ; — especially  the 
bread-fruit  tree,  a  few  plants  of  which  had  been  in 
the  vessel ;  and  another  tree,  which  bore  plum- 
puddings  so  very  hot,  and  with  such  exquisite  pro- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  165 

portion  of  sugar,  Iruit,  &c.,  that  we  all  acknowl- 
edged it  was  not  possible  to  taste  any  thing  of  the 
kind  more  delicious  in  England :  in  short,  though 
the  scurvy  had  made  such  dreadful  progress  among 
the  crew  before  our  striking  upon  the  ice,  the  sup- 
ply of  vegetables,  and  especially  the  bread-fruit  and 
pudding-fruit,  put  an  almost  immediate  stop  to  the 
distemper. 

We  had  not  proceeded  thus  many  weeks,  ad- 
vancing with  incredible  fatigue  by  continual  towing, 
when  we  fell  in  with  a  fleet  of  Negromen,  as  they 
call  them.  These  wretches,  I  must  inform  you,  my 
dear  friends,  had  found  means  to  make  prizes  of 
those  vessels  from  some  Europeans  upon  the  coast 
of  Guinea ;  and  tasting  the  sweets  of  our  luxury, 
had  formed  colonies  in  several  new  discovered 
islands,  near  the  south  pole,  where  they  had  a  vari- 
ety of  plantations  of  such  matters  as  would  only 
grow  in  the  coldest  climates.  As  the  black  inhab- 
itants of  Guinea  were  unsuited  to  the  climate,  and 
excessive  cold  of  the  country,  they  formed  the  dia- 
bolical project  of  getting  Christian  slaves  to  work 
for  them.  For  this  purpose,  they  sent  vessels  every 
year  to  the  coast  of  Scotland,  the  northern  parts  of 


166     -  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

Ireland  and  Wales,  and  were  even  sometimes  seen 
off  the  coast  of  Cornwall.  And  having  purchased, 
or  entrapped,  by  fraud  or  violence,  a  great  number 
of  men,  women,  and  children,  they  proceeded  with 
their  cargoes  of  human  flesh  to  the  other  end  of  the 
Tvorld,  and  sold  them  to  their  planters,  where  they 
were  flogged  into  obedience,  and  made  to  work  like 
horses  all  the  rest  of  their  lives. 

My  blood  ran  cold  at  the  idea,  while  every  one 
on  the  island  also  expressed  his  horror  that  such  an 
iniquitous  traffic  should  be  sufiered  to  exist.  But, 
except  by  open  violence,  it  was  found  impossible  to 
destroy  the  trade,  on  account  of  a  barbarous  preju- 
dice, entertained  of  late  by  the  negroes,  that  the 
white  peoj)le  have  no  souls ! — However,  we  were 
determined  to  attack  them,  and  steering  down  our 
island  upon  them,  soon  overwhelmed  them ;  we 
saved  as  many  of  the  white  people  as  possible,  but 
pushed  all  the  blacks  into  the  water  again. — The 
poor  creatures  we  saved  from  slavery  were  so  over- 
joyed, that  they  wept  aloud  through  gratitude ;  and 
we  experienced  every  delightful  sensation,  to  think 
what  happiness  we  should  shower  upon  their  parents, 
their  brothers,  and  sisters,  and  children,  by  bringing 


BARON   MUNCHAUSEN.  167 

them  home  safe,  redeemed  from  slavery,  to  the 
bosom  of  their  native  country. 

Having  happily  arrived  in  England,  I  immedi- 
ately laid  a  statement  of  my  voyage,  &c.,  before  the 
Privy  Council,  and  entreated  an  immediate  assist- 
ance to  travel  into  Africa,  and,  if  possible,  refit  my 
former  machine,  and  take  it  along  with  the  rest. 
Every  thing  was  instantly  granted  to  my  satisfac- 
tion, and  I  received  orders  to  get  myself  ready  for 
departure  as  soon  as  possible. 

As  the  Emperor  of  China  had  sent  a  most  curious 
animal  as  a  present  to  Europe,  which  was  kept  in 
the  Tower,  and  it  being  of  an  enormous  stature,  and 
capable  of  performing  the  voyage  with  edat^  she 
was  ordered  to  attend  me.  She  was  called  Sphinx, 
and  was  one  of  the  most  tremendous  though  mag- 
nificent figures  I  ever  beheld.  She  was  harnessed 
wdth  superb  trappings  to  a  large  flat-bottomed  boat, 
in  which  was  placed  an  edifice  of  wood,  exactly 
resembling  Westminster  Hall.  Two  balloons  were 
placed  over  it,  tackled  by  a  number  of  ropes  to  the 
boat,  to  keep  up  a  proper  equilibrium,  and  prevent 
it  from  overturning,  or  filling,  from  the  prodigious 
weight  of  the  fabric. 


168  ORIGINAL  TKAVELS  OF 

The  interior  of  the  edifice  was  decorated  with 
seats,  in  the  form  of  an  amphitheatre,  and  crammed 
as  full  as  it  could  hold  with  ladies  and  lords,  as 
a  council  and  retinue  for  your  humble  servant. 
Nearly  in  the  centre  was  a  seat  elegantly  decora- 
ted for  myself,  and  on  either  side  of  me  was  placed 
the  famous  Gog  and  Magog  in  all  their  pomp. 

The  Lord  Yiscount  Gosamer  being  our  postillion, 
we  floated  gallantly  down  the  river,  the  noble 
Sphinx  gambolling  like  the  huge  leviathan,  and 
towing  after  her  the  boat  and  balloons. 

Thus  we  advanced,  sailing  gently,  into  the  open 
sea :  being  calm  weather,  we  could  scarcely  feel  the 
motion  of  the  vehicle,  and  passed  our  time  in  grand 
debate  upon  the  glorious  intention  of  our  voyage, 
and  the  discoveries  that  would  result. 

''  I  am  of  opinion,"  said  my  noble  friend,  Hilaro 
Frosticos,  "  that  Africa  was  originally  inhabited  for 
the  greater  part,  or,  I  may  say,  subjugated  by  lions ; 
which,  next  to  man,  seem  to  be  the  most  dreaded 
of  all  mortal  tyrants.  The  country  in  general,  at 
least  what  we  have  been  hitherto  able  to  discover, 
seems  rather  inimical  to  human  life  :  the  intolerable 
dryness  of  the  place,  the  burning  sands  that  over- 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  169 

whelm  whole  armies  and  cities  in  general  ruin,  and 
the  hideous  life  many  roving  hordes  are  compelled 
to  lead,  incline  me  to  think,  that  if  ever  we  form 
any  great  settlements  therein,  it  will  become  the 
grave  of  our  countrymen.  Yet  it  is  nearer  to  us 
than  the  East  Indies ;  and  I  cannot  but  imagine, 
that  in  many  places  every  production  of  China,  and 
of  the  East  and  West  Indies,  would  flourish,  if  prop- 
erly attended  to.  And  as  the  country  is  so  prodi- 
giously extensive  and  unknown,  what  a  source  of 
discovery  must  not  it  contain  ! — In  fact,  we  know 
less  about  the  interior  of  Africa  than  we  do  of  the 
moon ;  for,  in  this  latter,  we  measure  the  very 
prominences,  and  observe  the  varieties  and  inequal- 
ities of  the  surface  through  our  glasses — 

''  Forests  and  mountains  on  her  spotted  orb. 

"  But  we  see  nothing  in  the  interior  of  Africa,  but 
what  some  compilers  of  maps  or  geographers  are 
fanciful  enough  to  imagine.  What  a  happy  event, 
therefore,  should  we  not  expect  from  a  voyage  of 
discovery  and  colonization,  undertaken  in  so  mag- 
nificent a  style  as  the  present — what  a  pride — what 

an  acquisition  to  philosophy  !" 

15 


170 


OKIGIJSAL  TRAVELS  OF 


((iU^Htx  '^wtnUj-UUTx. 


HE  brave  Count  Gosamer,  with 
a  pair  of  hell-fire  spurs  on,  rid- 
ing upon  Sphinx,  directed  the 
whole  retinue  towards  the  Ma- 
deiras. But  the  Count  had  no 
small  share  of  an  amiable  vanity ;  and  perceiving 
great  multitudes  of  people,  Gascons,  &c.,  assembled 
upon  the  French  coast,  he  could  not  refrain  from 
showing  some  singular  capers,  such  as  they  had 
never  seen  before  ;  but  especially  when  he  observed 
all  the  members  of  the  E'ational  Assembly  extend 
themselves  along  the  shore,  as  a  piece  of  French 
politeness,  to  honor  this  expedition,  with  Eousseau, 
Yoltaire,  and  Beelzebub  at  their  head ;  he  set  spurs 
to  Sphinx,  and,  at  the  same  time,  cut  and  cracked 
away  as  hard  as  he  could,  holding  in  the  reins  with 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  ITI 

all  his  might,  striving  to  make  the  creature  plunge 
and  show  some  uncommon  diversions.  But  sulky 
and  ill-tempered  was  Sphinx  at  the  time :  she 
plunged  indeed — such  a  devil  of  a  plunge,  that  she 
dashed  him  in  one  jerk  over  her  head,  and  he  fell 
precipitately  into  the  water  before  her.  It  was  in 
the  Bay  of  Biscay,  all  the  world  knows  a  very  bois- 
terous sea ;  and  Sphinx,  fearing  he  would  be  drown- 
ed, never  turned  to  the  left  or  the  right  out  of  her 
way,  but  advancing  furious,  just  stooped  her  head  a 
little,  and  supped  the  poor  Count  off  the  water  into 
her  mouth,  together  with  a  quantity  of  two  or  three 
tons  of  water,  which  she  must  have  taken  in  along 
with  him,  but  which  were  to  such  an  enormous 
creature  as  Sphinx,  nothing  more  than  a  sjioonful 
woiild  be  to  any  of  you  or  me.  She  swallowed  him, 
but  when  she  had  got  him  in  her  stomach,  his  long 
spurs  so  scratched  and  tickled  her,  that  they  pro- 
duced the  effect  of  an  emetic.  ]^o  sooner  was  he  in, 
but  out  he  was  squirted  with  the  most  horrible  im- 
petuosity, like  a  ball  or  a  shell  from  the  calibre  of  a 
mortar.  Sphinx  was  at  this  time  quite  sea-sick ; 
and  the  unfortunate  Count  was  driven  forth  like  a 
sky-rocket,  and  landed  upon  the  Peak  of  Teneriffe, 


172  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

plunged  over  head  and  ears  in  the  snow — requiescat 
in  pace  ! 

I  perceived  all  this  mischief  from  my  seat  in  the 
ark,  but  was  in  such  a  convulsion  of  laughter,  that 
I  could  not  utter  an  intelligible  word.  And  now. 
Sphinx,  deprived  of  her  postillion,  went  on  in  a 
zigzag  direction,  and  gambolled  away  after  a  most 
dreadful  manner.  And  thus  had  every  thing  gone 
to  wreck  had  I  not  given  instant  orders  to  Gog  and 
Magog  to  sally  forth.  They  plunged  into  the  water, 
and  swimming  on  each  side,  got  at  length  right 
before  the  animal,  and  then  seized  the  reins.  Thus 
they  continued  swimming  on  each  side,  like  tritons, 
holding  the  muzzle  of  Sphinx ;  while  I,  sallying 
forth  astride  upon  the  creature's  back,  steered  for- 
ward on  our  voyage  to  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope. 

Arriving  at  the  Cape,  I  immediately  gave  orders 
to  repair  my  former  chariot  and  machines,  which 
was  very  expeditiously  performed  by  the  excellent 
artists  I  had  brought  with  me  from  Europe.  And 
now  every  thing  being  refitted,  we  launched  forth 
upon  the  water :  perhaps  there  never  was  any  thing 
seen  more  glorious  or  more  august.  'Twas  magnifi- 
cent to  behold  Sphinx  make  h.r  obeisance  on  the 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  173 

water,  and  the  crickets  chirp  upon  the  bulls  in 
return  of  the  salute ;  while  Gog  and  Magog  advan- 
cing, took  the  reins  of  the  great  John  Mowmowsky, 
and  leading  towards  us  chariot  and  all,  instantly 
disposed  of  them  to  the  fore-part  of  the  ark  by 
hooks  and  eyes,  and  tackled  Sphinx  before  all  the 
bulls.  Thus  the  whole  had  a  most  tremendui;:- 
and  triumphal  appearance.  In  front  floated  for- 
ward the  mighty  Sphinx,  with  Gog  and  Magog  on 
each  side  ;  next  followed  in  order  the  bulls  with 
crickets  upon  their  heads ;  and  then  advanced  the 
chariot  of  Queen  Mab,  containing  the  curious  seat 
and  orrery  of  heaven ;  after  which  appeared  the 
boat  and  ark  of  council,  overtopped  with  two 
balloons,  which  gave  an  air  of  greater  lightness  and 
elegance  to  the  whole.  I  placed  in  the  galleries 
under  the  balloons,  and  on  the  backs  of  the  bulls,  a 
number  of  excellent  vocal  performers,  with  martial 
music  of  clarionets  and  trumpets.  They  sung  the 
Watery  Dangers,  and  the  Pomp  of  deep  Ceru- 
lean ! — The  sun  shone  glorious  on  the  water,  while 
the  procession  advanced  towards  the  land,  under 
five  hundred  arches  of  ice,  illuminated  with  colored 
lights,    and    adorned   in    the    most   grotesque   and 


174  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

fanciful  style  with  sea-weed,  elegant  festoons,  and 
shells  of  every  kind  ;  while  a  thousand  water-spouts 
danced  eternally  before  and  after  us,  attracting  the 
water  from  the  sea  in  a  kind  of  cone,  and  suddenly 
uniting;  with  the  most  fantastical  thunder  and 
lio^htnino;. 

Having  landed  our  whole  retinue,  we  immediate- 
ly began  to  proceed  towards  the  heart  of  Africa ; 
but  first  thought  it  expedient  to  place  a  number  of 
wheels  under  the  ark  for  its  greater  facility  of 
advancing.  We  journeyed  nearly  due  north  for 
several  days,  and  met  with  nothing  remarkable 
except  the  astonishment  of  the  savage  natives  to 
behold  our  equipage. 

The  Dutch  Government  at  the  Cape,  to  do  them 
justice,  gave  us  every  possible  assistance  for  the 
expedition.  I  presume  they  had  received  instruc- 
tion on  that  head  from  their  High  Mightinesses  in 
Holland.  However,  they  presented  us  with  a  spe- 
cimen of  some  of  the  most  excellent  of  their  Cape 
wine,  and  showed  us  every  politeness  in  their  power. 
As  to  the  face  of  the  country,  as  we  advanced,  it 
appeared  in  many  places  capable  of  every  cultiva- 
tion and  of  abundant  fertility.    The  natives  and  Hot- 


BARoN  MUNCHAUSEN.  175 

tentots  of  tins  part  of  Africa  liave  been  frequently 
described  by  travellers,  and  therefore  it  is  not  ne- 
cessary to  say  any  more  about  them.  But  in  tlio 
more  interior  parts  of  Africa  the  appearance,  man- 
ners, and  genius  of  the  people  are  totally  different. 

We  directed  our  course  by  the  compass  and  the 
stars,  getting  every  day  prodigious  quantity  of  game 
in  the  woods,  and  at  night  encamping  within  a  pro- 
])er  inclosure,  for  fear  of  the  wild  beasts.  One  whole 
day  in  particular  we  heard  on  every  side,  among  the 
hills,  the  horrible  roaring  of  lions,  resounding  from 
rock  to  rock  like  broken  thunder.  It  seemed  as  if 
there  was  a  general  rendezvous  of  all  these  savage 
animals  to  fall  upon  our  party.  That  whole  day  we 
advanced  with  caution,  our  hunters  scarcely  ventur- 
ing beyond  pistol-shot  from  the  caravan,  for  fear  of 
dissolution.  At  night  we  encamped  as  usual,  and 
threw  up  a  circular  intrenchment  round  our  tents. 
We  had  scarce  retired  to  re]3ose  when  we  found 
ourselves  serenaded  by  at  least  one  thousand  lions, 
approaching  equally  on  every  side,  and  within  a 
hundred  paces.  Our  cattle  showed  the  most  horri- 
ble symtoms  of  fear,  all  trembling,  and  in  cold 
perspiration.     I  directly  ordered  the  whole  compa- 


176  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

ny  to  stand  to  their  arms,  and  not  to  make  any  noise 
by  firing  till  I  should  command  them.  I  then  took 
a  large  quantity  of  tar,  which  I  had  brought  with 
our  caravan  for  that  purpose,  and  strewed  it  in  a 
continued  stream  round  the  encampment;  within 
which  circle  of  tar  I  immediately  placed  another 
train  or  circle  of  gunpowder :  and  having  taken 
this  precaution,  I  anxiously  waited  the  lions'  ap- 
proach. These  dreadful  animals,  knowing,  I  pre- 
sume, the  force  of  our  troop,  advanced  very  slowly, 
and  with  caution ;  approaching  on  every  side  of  us 
with  an  equal  pace,  and  growling  in  hideous  concert, 
so  as  to  resemble  an  earthquake,  or  some  similar 
convulsion  of  the  world.  When  they  had  at  length 
advanced  and  steeped  all  their  paws  in  the  tar, 
they  put  their  noses  to  it,  smelling  it  as  if  it  were 
blood,  and  daubed  their  great  bushy  hair  and 
whiskers  with  it  equal  to  their  paws.  At  that  very 
instant,  when,  in  concert,  they  were  to  give  the 
mortal  dart  upon  us,  I  discharged  a  pistol  at  the 
train  of  gunpowder,  which  instantly  exploded  on 
every  side,  made  all  the  lions  recoil  in  general 
uproar,  and  take  to  flight  with  the  utmost  pre- 
cipitation.    In  an  instant,  we   could  behold  them 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  177 

scattered  throngli  the  woods  at  some  distance,  roar- 
ing in  agony,  and  moving  abont  like  so  many 
Will-o'-tlie- Wisps,  tlieir  paws  and  faces  all  on  fire 
from  the  tar  and  the  gunpowder.  I  then  ordered  a 
general  pursuit :  we  followed  them  on  every  side 
through  the  woods,  their  own  light  serving  as  our 
guide,  until,  before  the  rising  of  the  sun,  we  fol- 
lowed into  their  fastnesses  and  shot  or  otherwise 
destroyed  every  one  of  them :  and  during  the 
whole  of  our  journey  after,  we  never  heard  the 
roaring  of  a  lion ;  nor  did  any  wild  beast  presume 
to  make  another  attack  upon  our  party,  which 
shows  the  excellence  of  immediate  presence  of 
mind,  and  the  terror  inspired  into  the  most  savage 
enemies  by  a  proper  and  well-timed  proceeding. 

We  at  length  arrived  on  the  confines  of  an  im- 
measurable desert — an  immense  plain,  extending 
on  every  side  of  us  like  an  ocean.  ITot  a  tree,  nor 
a  shrub,  nor  a  blade  of  grass  was  to  be  seen,  but 
all  appeared  an  extreme  fine  sand,  mixed  with 
gold-dust  and  little  sparkling  pearls. 

The  gold-dust  and  pearls  appeared  to  us  of  little 
value,  because  we  could  have  no  expectation  of 
returning  to  England  for  a  considerable  time.     We 


178  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

• 

observed  at  a  great  distance  something  like  a  smoke 
arising  jast  over  the  verge  of  the  horizon,  and  look- 
ing with  om*  telescopes,  we  perceived  it  to  be  a 
whirlwind  tearing  up  the  sand  and  tossing  it  about 
in  the  heavens  with  frightful  impetuosity.  I  inune- 
diatelj  ordered  my  company  to  erect  a  mound 
around  us  of  great  size,  which  we  did  with  astonish- 
ing labor  and  perseverance ;  and  then  roofed  it  over 
with  certain  planks  and  timber,  which  we  had  with 
us  for  the  purpose.  Our  labor  was  scarcely  finished 
when  the  sand  came  rolling  in  like  the  waves  of  the 
sea;  'twas  a  storm  and  river  of  sand  united.  It 
continued  to  advance  in  the  same  direction,  without 
intermission,  for  three  days,  and  completely  covered 
over  the  mound  w^e  had  erected,  and  buried  us  all 
within.  The  intense  heat  of  the  place  was  intolera- 
ble ;  but  guessing,  by  the  cessation  of  the  noise, 
that  the  storm  was  passed,  we  set  about  digging  a 
passage  to  the  light  of  day  again,  which  w^e  effected 
in  a  very  short  time ;  and  ascending,  perceived  that 
tlie  whole  had  been  so  comj)letely  covered  with  the 
sand,  that  there  appeared  no  hills,  but  one  contin- 
ued plain,  with  inequalities  or  ridges  on  it,  like  the 
waves  of  the  sea.     We  soon  extricated  our  vehicle 


BAEON   MUNCHAUSEN.  179 

and  retinue  from  the  burning  sands,  but  not  with- 
out great  danger,  as  the  heat  was  verj  violent,  and 
began  to  proceed  on  our  voyage.  Storms  of  sand  of 
a  similar  nature  several  times  attacked  us,  but  by 
using  the  same  precautions  we  preserved  ourselves 
repeatedly  from  destruction.  Having  travelled 
more  than  nine  thousand  miles  over  this  inhospita- 
ble plain,  exposed  to  the  perpendicular  rays  of  a 
burning  sun,  without  ever  meeting  a  rivulet,  or  a 
shower  from  heaven  to  refresh  us,  we  at  length  be- 
came almost  desperate ;  when,  to  our  inexpressible 
joy,  we  beheld  some  mountains  at  a  great  distance, 
and  on  our  nearer  approach,  observ^ed  them  covered 
w^ith  a  carpet  of  verdure,  and  groves  and  woods. 
Nothing  could  appear  more  romantic  or  beautiful 
than  the  rocks  and  precipices  intermingled  with  flow- 
ers and  shrubs  of  every  kind,  and  palm-trees  of  such 
a  prodigious  size  as  to  surpass  any  thing  ever  seen  in 
Europe.  Fruits  of  all  kinds  appeared  growing  wild 
in  the  utmost  abundance,  and  antelopes,  and  sheep, 
and  bufi'aloes  wandered  about  the  groves  and  val- 
leys in  profusion.  The  trees  resounded  witli  the 
melody  of  birds,  and  every  thing  displayed  a  gen- 
eral scene  of  rural  happiness  and  joy. 


180 


ORIGINAL   TRAVELS  OF 


(&Un\Htv  iwr^ntjj-JSJixtft- 


AYING  passed  over  the  near- 
est mountains  we  entered  a 
delightful  vale,  where  we 
perceived  a  multitude  of  per- 
sons at  a  feast  of  living  bulls, 
whose  flesh  they  cut  away 
with  great  knives,  making  a  table  of  the  creature's 
carcase, — serenaded  by  the  bellowing  of  the  unfor- 
tunate animal.  Nothing  seemed  requisite  to  add  to 
the  barbarity  of  this  feast  but  Jcava,  made  as 
described  in  Cook's  Voyages ;  and  at  the  conclu- 
sion of  the  feast  we  perceived  them  brewing  this 
liquor,  which  they  drank  with  the  utmost  avidity. 
From  that  moment,  inspired  with  an  idea  of  univer- 
sal benevolence,  I  determined  to  abolish  the  custom 
of  eating  live  flesh,  and  drinking  of  kava.  But  I 
knew  that  such  a  thing  could  not  be  immediately 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  181 

effected,  whatever  in  future  time  miglit  be  per- 
formed. 

Having  rested  ourselves  during  a  few  days,  we 
determined  to  set  out  towards  the  principal  city 
of  the  empire.  The  singularity  of  our  appearance 
was  spoken  of  all  over  the  country  as  a  phenomenon. 
The  multitude  looked  upon  Spliinx,  tlie  bulls,  the 
crickets,  the  balloons,  and  the  whole  company,  as 
something  more  than  terrestrial ;  but  especially  the 
thunder  of  our  fire-arms,  which  struck  horror  and 
amazement  into  the  whole  nation. 

We  at  length  arrived  at  the  metropolis,  situated 
on  the  banks  of  a  noble  river ;  and  the  emperor, 
attended  by  all  his  court,  came  out  in  grand  proces- 
sion to  meet  us.  The  emperor  appeared  mounted 
on  a  dromedary,  royally  caparisoned,  wdth  all  his 
attendants  on  foot,  through  respect  for  his  Majesty. 
He  was  rather  above  the  middle  stature  of  that 
country,  four  feet  three  inches  in  height,  with  a 
countenance  like  all  his  countrymen,  as  white  as 
snow !  He  was  preceded  by  a  band  of  most  ex- 
quisite music,  according  to  the  fashion  of  the 
country,  and  his  whole  retinue  halted  within  about 

fifty  paces  of  our  troop.     We  returned  the  salute 

16 


182  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

by  a  discharge  of  miisketiy,  and  a  flourish  of  our 
trumpets  and  martial  music.  I  commanded  our 
caravan  to  halt,  and  dismounting,  advanced  un- 
covered, with  only  two  attendants,  towards  his 
Majesty.  The  emperor  was  equally  polite,  and 
descending  from  his  dromedary,  advanced  to  meet 
me.  "I  am  happy,"  said  he,  *''to  have  the  honor 
to  receive  so  illustrious  a  traveller,  and  assure  you 
that  every  thing  in  my  empire  shall  be  at  your 
disposal." 

I  thanked  his  Majesty  for  his  politeness,  and  ex- 
pressed how  happy  I  was  to  meet  so  polished  and 
refined  a  people  in  the  centre  of  Africa ;  and  that  I 
hoped  to  show  myself  and  company  grateful  for  his 
esteem,  by  introducing  the  arts  and  sciences  of 
Europe  among  the  people. 

I  immediately  perceived  the  true  descent  of  this 
people,  which  does  not  appear  of  terrestrial  origin, 
but  descended  from  some  of  the  inhabitants  of  the 
Moon ;  because  the  principal  language  spoken 
there,  and  in  the  centre  of  Africa,  is  very  nearly 
the  same.  Their  alphabet  and  method  of  writing 
are  pretty  much  the  same,  and  show  the  extreme 
antiquity  of  this  people,  and    their  exalted  origin. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  183 

I  liere  give  you  a  specimen  of  their  writing 
[  Vide  Otrckocsus  de  Grig.  Hung.  p.  46] : — sregnah, 
dna  skoolitop. 


These  characters  I  have  submitted  to  the  inspec- 
tion of  a  celebrated  antiquarian ;  and  it  will  be 
proved  to  the  satisfaction  of  every  one  in  his  next 
volume,  what  an  immediate  intercourse  there,  must 
have  been  between  the  inhabitants  of  the  Moon  and 
the  ancient  Scythians ;  which  Scythians  did  not,  by 
any  means,  inhabit  a  part  of  Russia,  but  the  central 
part  of  Africa,  as  I  can  abundantly  prove  to  my 
very  learned  and  laborious  friend.  The  above 
words,  written  in  our  characters,  are  sregnah  dna 
skoohtop  /  that  is,  the  Scythians  are  of  heavenly  ori- 
gin. The  word  sregnah^  which  signifies  Scythians^ 
is  compounded,  of  sreg  or  sre  j  whence  our  present 


184  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

English  word  sire,  or  sir :  and  nali^  or  gnah^  knowl- 
edge ;  because  the  Scythians  united  the  essentials 
of  nobility  and  learning  together:  dna  signifies 
heaven,  or  belonging  to  the  moon,  from  duna^  who 
was  anciently  worshipped  as  goddess  of  that  lumin- 
ary. And  shoohtop  signifies  the  origin  or  beginning 
of  any  thing,  from  skoo^  the  name  used  in  the  moon 
for  a  point  in  geometry ;  and  top  or  htop^  vegeta- 
tion. These  words  are  inscribed  at  this  day  upon  a 
pyramid  in  the  centre  of  Africa,  nearly  at  the 
source  of  the  river  [N'iger ;  and  if  any  one  refuses 
his  assent,  he  may  go  there  to  be  convinced. 

The  emperor  conducted  me  to  his  court  amidst 
the  admiration  of  his  courtiers,  and  paid  us  every 
possible  politeness  that  African  magnificence  could 
bestow.  He  never  presumed  to  proceed  on  any  ex- 
pedition without  consulting  us ;  and  looking  upon 
us  as  a  species  of  superior  beings,  paid  the  greatest 
respect  to  our  opinions.  He  frequently  asked  me 
about  the  States  of  Europe,  and  the  kingdom  of 
Great  Britain,  and  appeared  lost  in  admiration  at 
the  account  I  gave  him  of  our  shipping,  and  the  im- 
mensity of  the  ocean.  We  taught  him  to  regulate 
tlie  gov^ernment  nearly  on  the  same  plan  with  the 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  185 

British  constitution,  and  to  institute  a  parliament 
and  degrees  of  nobility.  His  Majesty  was  the  last  of 
his  royal  line ;  and  on  his  decease,  with  the  unani- 
mous consent  of  the  people,  made  me  heir  to  the 
whole  empire.  The  nobility  and  chiefs  of  the  coun- 
try immediately  waited  upon  me  with  petitions, 
entreating  me  to  accept  the  government.  I  consult- 
ed with  my  noble  friends  Gog  and  Magog,  &c.,  and 
after  much  consultation  it  was  agreed  that  I  should 
accept  the  government,  not  as  actual  and  independ- 
ent monarch  of  the  place,  but  as  viceroy  to  his 
Majesty  of  England. 

I  now  thought  it  high  time  to  do  away  the  custom 
of  eating  of  live  flesh  and  drinking  of  kava ;  and 
for  that  purpose  used  every  persuasive  method  to 
wean  the  majority  of  the  people  from  it.  This,  to 
my  astonishment,  was  not  taken  in  good  part  by  the 
nation,  and  they  looked  with  jealousy  at  those 
strangers  who  wanted  to  make  innovations  among 
them. 

]N'evertheless,  I  felt  much  concern  to  think  that 
my  fellow-creatures  could  be  capable  of  such  bar- 
barity.    I  did  every  thing  that  a  heart  fraught  with 

universal  benevolence  and  good-will  to  all  mankind 

1G« 


186  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

could  be  capable  of  desiring.  I  first  tried  every 
method  of  persuasion  and  incitement.  I  did  not 
harshly  reprove  them ;  but  I  invited  frequently 
whole  thousands  to  dine  after  the  fashion  of  Europe, 
upon  roasted  meat.  Alas,  'twas  all  in  vain !  my 
goodness  nearly  excited  a  sedition.  They  murmur- 
ed among  themselves,  spoke  of  my  intentions,  my 
wild  and  ambitious  views,  as  if  I,  O  heaven !  could 
have  had  any  personal  interested  motive  in  making 
tiiem  live  like  men,  rather  than  like  crocodiles  and 
ligers.  In  fine,  perceiving  that  gentleness  could  be 
<;f  no  avail — veil  knowing  that  when  complaisance 
can  eftect  nothing  from  some  spirits,  compulsion  ex- 
cites respect  and  veneration — I  prohibited,  under 
the  pain  of  the  severest  j)enalties,  the  drinking  of 
kava,  or  eating  of  live  flesh,  for  the  space  of  nine 
days,  within  the  districts  of  Angalinar  and  Papha- 
galna. 

But  this  created  such  a  universal  abhorrence  and 
detestation  of  my  government,  that  my  ministers, 
and  even  myself,  were  universally  pasquinadoed ; 
lampoons,  satires,  ridicule,  and  insult,  were  shower- 
ed upon  the  name  of  Munchausen  wherever  it  was 
mentioned ;    and  in   fine,  there   never  was  a  gov- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  187 

ernment  so  imicli  detested,  or  with  sucli  little  rea- 
son. 

In  this  dilemma  I  had  recourse  to  the  advice  of 
my  noble  friend  Hilaro  Frosticos.  In  his  good 
sense  I  now  expected  some  resource ;  for  the  rest  of 
the  council,  who  had  advised  me  to  the  former  meth- 
od, had  given  but  a  poor  specimen  of  their  abilities 
and  discernment,  or  I  should  have  succeeded  more 
happilj.  In  short,  he  addressed  himself  to  me  and 
to  the  council  as  follows : — 

"  It  is  in  vain,  most  noble  Munchausen,  that  your 
Excellency  endeavors  to  compel  or  force  these 
people  to  a  life  to  w^iich  they  have  never  been 
accustomed.  In  vain  do  you  tell  them  that  apple 
pies,  pudding,  roast  beef,  minced  pies,  or  tarts,  are 
delicious,  that  sugar  is  sweet,  that  wine  is  exquisite. 
Alas,  they  cannot,  they  will  not  comprehend  what 
deliciousnesS  is,  what  sweetness,  or  what  the  flavor 
of  the  grape.  And  even  if  they  were  convinced  of 
the  superior  excellence  of  your  way  of  life,  never, 
never  would  they  be  persuaded ;  and  that,  if  for  no 
other  reason,  but  because  force  or  persuasion  is  em- 
ployed to  induce  them  to  it.  Abandon  that  idea 
for  the  present,   and  let   us   tiy   another   method. 


188  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

My  opinion,  therefore,  is,  that  we  should  at  once 
cease  all  endeavors  to  compel  or  j^ersuade  them. 
But  let  us,  if  possible,  procure  a  quantity  of  fudge 
from  England,  and  carelessly  scatter  it  over  all  the 
country  :  and  from  this  disposal  of  matters,  I  pre- 
sume, nay,  I  have  a  moral  certainty,  that  we  shall 
reclaim  this  people  from  horror  and  barbarity." 

Had  this  been  proposed  at  any  other  time,  it 
would  have  been  violently  opposed  in  the  council ; 
but  now,  when  every  other  attempt  had  failed,  when 
there  seemed  no  other  resource,  the  majority  will- 
ingly submitted  to  they  knew  not  what;  for  they 
absolutely  had  no  idea  of  the  manner,  the  possibili- 
ty of  success,  or  how  they  could  bring  matters  to 
bear.  However,  'twas  a  scheme  ;  and  as  such  they 
submitted.  For  my  part,  I  listened  with  ecstasy  to 
the  words  of  Hilaro  Frosticos ;  for  I  knew  that  he 
had  a  most  singular  knowledge  of  humati  kind,  and 
could  humor  and  persuade  them  on  to  their  own 
happiness  and  universal  good.  Therefore,  accord- 
ing to  the  advice  of  Hilaro,  I  dispatched  a  balloon 
with  four  men  over  the  desert  to  the  Cape  of  Good 
Hope,  with  letters  to  be  forwarded  to  England,  re- 
quiring, without  delay,  a  few  cargoes  of  fudge. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  189 

The  people  had  all  this  time  remained  in  a  gen- 
eral state  of  ferment  and  murmur.  Every  thing 
that  rancor,  low  wit,  and  deplorable  ignorance 
could  conceive  to  asperse  my  government,  was  put 
in  execution.  The  most  worthy,  even  the  most  be- 
neficent actions,  every  thing  that  was  amiable,  were 
perverted  into  opposition. 

The  heart  of  Munchausen  was  not  made  of  such 
impenetrable  stuff  as  to  be  insensible  to  the  hatred 
of  even  the  most  worthless  wretch  in  the  whole 
kingdom ;  and  once,  at  a  general  assembly  of  the 
states,  filled  with  an  idea  of  such  continued  ingrati- 
tude, I  spoke  as  pathetic  as  possible,  not  methought 
beneath  my  dignity,  to  make  them  feel  for  me  :  that 
the  universal  good  and  happiness  of  the  people 
were  all  I  wished  or  desired — that  if  my  actions 
had  been  mistaken,  or  improper  surmises  formed, 
still  I  had  no  wish,  no  desire,  but  the  public  wel- 
fare, &c.,  &c. 

Hilaro  Frosticos  was  all  this  time  much  dis- 
turbed ;  he  looked  sternly  at  me — he  frowned  ;  but 
I  w^as  so  engrossed  with  the  warmth  of  my  heart, 
my  intentions,  that  I  understood  him  not :  in  a  min- 
ute I  saw  nothing  but  as  if  through  a  cloud  (such  is 


190  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

the  force  of  amiable  sensibility) — lords,  ladies, 
chiefs — the  whole  assembly  seemed  to  swim  before 
my  sight.  Tlie  more  I  thought  on  my  good  inten- 
tions, the  lampoons  which  so  much  affected  my 
delicacy,  good-nature,  tenderness — I  forgot  myself — 
I  spoke  rapid,  violent — ^beneficence — lire — tender- 
ness— Alas !  I  melted  into  tears. 

"Pish  !  pish  !"  said  Hilaro  Frosticos. 

jSTow,  indeed,  was  my  government  lampooned, 
satirized,  carribonadoed,  bepickled,  and  bedev- 
illed. One  day,  w^ith  my  arm  full  of  lampoons,  I 
started  up  as  Hilaro  entered  the  room — the  tears 
in  my  eyes — "  Look,  look  here,  Hilaro  !  how  can 
I  bear  all  this  ?  It  is  impossible  to  please  them  ; 
I  will  leave  the  government — I  cannot  bear  it ! 
See  what  pitiful  anecdotes — what  surmises — I  will 
make  my  people  feel  for  me- — I  will  leave  the  gov- 
ernment." 

"  Pshaw  !"  says  Hilaro.  At  that  simple  mono- 
syllable, I  found  myself  changed  as  if  by  magic  ; 
for  I  ever  looked  on  Hilaro  as  a  person  so  expe- 
rienced— such  fortitude — such  good  sense.  "There 
are  three  sail  under  the  convoy  of  a  frigate,"  added 
Hilaro,  "just  arrived  at  the  Cape,  after  a  fortunate 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


191 


passage,  laden  with  the  fudge  that  we  demanded. 
No  time  is  to  be  lost ;  let  it  be  immediately  con- 
ducted hither,  and  distributed  through  the  principal 
granaries  of  the  empire." 


192  ORIGINAL   TKAVELS   OF 


OME  time  after,  I  ordered  the "  fol- 
lowing proclamation  to  be  pub- 
lished in  the  Court  Gazette,  and 
in  ail  the  other  papers  of  the 
empire : — 

BY    THE 

MOST   MIGHTY    AND   PUISSANT   LORD, 
HIS    EXCELLENCY  THE 

LOED   BAEON  MUISTCHAUSE]^. 

WHEEEAS  a  quantity  of  fudge  has  been  dis- 
tributed through  all  the  granaries  of  the  empire  for 
particular  uses ;  and  as  the  natives  have  ever 
expressed  their  aversion  to  all  manner  of  European 
eatables,  it  is  hereby  strictly  forbidden,  under  pain 
of  the  severest  penalties,  for  any  of  the  officers, 
charged  with  the  keeping  of  the  said  fudge,  to  give, 
sell,  or  suffer  to  be  sold,  any  part  or  quantity  what- 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  193 

ever  of  the  said  material,  until  it  be  agreeable  unto 

our  good-will  and  pleasure. 

Munchausen. 

Dated  in  our  Castle  of  Gristariska,  this 
Triskill  of  the  month  of  Griskish,  in 
•the  year  Moulikasra-uavas-kashna- 
vildash. 

This  proclamation  excited  the  most  ardent  curios- 
ity all  over  the  empire.  "  Do  you  know  what  this 
fudge  is?"  said  Lady  Mooshilgarousti  to  Lord 
Darnarlaganl.  "Fudge!"  said  he — "fudge! — no: 
what  fudge !" — "  I  mean,"  replied  her  Ladyship, 
"  the  enormous  quantity  of  fudge  that  has  been 
disti'ibuted  under  guards  in  all  the  strong  places  in 
the  empire,  and  which  is  strictly  forbidden  to  be 
sold,  or  given  to  any  of  the  natives  under  the  sever- 
est penalties."  "Lord!"  replied  he,  "what  in  the 
name  of  wonder  can  it  be  ? — Forbidden  !  why  it 
must ; — but  pray  do  you.  Lady  Fashashash,  do  you 
know  what  this  fudge  is? — Do  you.  Lord  Trastil- 
lauex  ? — Or  you.  Miss  Gristilarkask ! — What !  no- 
body knows  what  this  fudge  can  be  ?" 

It  engrossed  for  several  days  the  chit-cnat  of  the 

whole  empire.     Fudge,  fudge,  fudge,  resounded  in 

17 


194  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

all  companies,  and  in  all  places,  from  the  rising 
until  thcsetting  of  tlie  sun  ;  and  even  at  night,  when 
gentle  sleep  refreshed  the  rest  of  mortals,  the  ladies 
of  all  that  country  were  dreaming  of  fudge. 

"  Upon  my  honor,"  said  Kitty,  as  she  was  adjust- 
ing her  modesty  piece  before  the  glass,  just  after 
getting  out  of  bed,  "there  is  scarce  any  thing  I 
would  not  give  to  know  what  this  fudge  can  be." 
"La!  my  dear,"  replied  Miss  Killnariska,  "I  have 
been  dreaming  the  whole  night  of  nothing  but  fudge ; 
I  thought  my  lover  kissed  my  hand,  and  pressed 
it  to  his  bosom,  while  I,  frowning,  endeavored  to 
wrest  it  from  him  :  that  he  kneeled  at  my  feet.  IsTo, 
never,  never  will  I  look  at  you,  cried  I,  till  you  tell 
me  what  this  fudge  can  be,  or  get  me  some  of  it. 
Begone !  cried  I,  with  all  the  dignity  of  offended 
beauty,  majesty,  and  a  tragic  queen — Begone!  never 
see  me  more,  or  bring  me  this  delicious  fudge.  He 
swore  on  the  honor  of  a  knight  that  he  would  wan- 
der o'er  the  world,  encounter  every  danger,  perish 
in  the  attempt,  or  satisfy  the  angel  of  his  saul." 

The  chiefs  and  nobility  of  the  nation,  when  they 
met  together  to  drink  their  kava,  spoke  of  nothing 
but  fudge.    Men,  women,  and  children,  all,  all  talked 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  195 

of  nothing  but  fudge.  'Twas  a  fury  of  curiosity, 
one  general  ferment,  a  universal  fever — nothing  but 
fudge  could  allay  it. 

But  in  one.resi3ect  they  all  agreed,  that  govern- 
ment must  have  had  some  interested  view  in  giving 
such  positive  orders  to  preserve  it,  and  keep  it  from  . 
the  natives  of  the  country.  Petitions  were  address- 
ed to  me  from  all  quarters,  from  every  corporation 
and  body  of  men  in  the  whole  empire.  The  majori- 
ty of  the  people  instructed  their  constituents,  and 
the  parliament  presented  a  petition,  praying  that  I 
would  be  pleased  to  take  the  state  of  the  nation  un- 
der consideration,  and  give  orders  to  satisfy  the 
people,  or  the  most  dreadful  consequences  were  to 
be  apprehended.  To  these  requests,  at  the  entreaty 
of  my  council,  I  made  no  reply,  or  at  best  but  unsat- 
isfactory answers.  Curiosity  was  on  the  rack ;  they 
forgot  to  lampoon  the  government,  so  engaged  were 
they  about  the  fudge.  The  great  assembly  of  the 
states  could  think  of  nothing  else.  Instead  of  enact- 
ing laws  for  the  regulation  of  the  people,  instead  of 
consulting  what  should  seem  most  wise,  most  excel- 
lent, they  could  think,  talk,  and  harangue  of  no- 
thing but  fudge.     In  vain  did  the  Speaker  call   to 


196  ORIGINAL.  TRAVELS   OF 

order ;  the  more  checks  they  got,  the  more  extrava- 
gant and  inquisitive  they  were. 

In  short,  the  populace  in  many  places  rose  in  the 
most  outrageous  and  tumultuous  manner,  forced 
open  the  granaries  in  all  places  in  one  day,  and 
triumphantly  distributed  the  fudge  through  the 
whole  empire. 

Wliether  on  account  of  the  longing,  the  great 
curiosity,  imagination,  oj  the  disposition  of  the 
people,  I  cannot  say — but  they  found  it  infinitely  to 
their  taste  ;  'twas  an  intoxication  of  joy,  satisfac- 
tion, and  applause. 

Finding  how  much  they  liked  this  fudge,  I  pro- 
cured another  quantity  from  England,  much  greater 
than  the  former,  and  cautiously  bestowed  it  over  all 
the  kingdom.  Thus  were  the  affections  of  the  peo- 
ple regained ;  and  they,  from  hence,  began  to  ven- 
erate, applaud,  and  admire  my  government  more 
than  ever.  Tlie  following  Ode  was  performed  at 
the  castle,  in  the  most  superb  style,  and  universally 
admired : — 

ODE. 

Ye  bulls  and  crickets,  and  Gog,  Magog, 

And  trump'ts  high  chiming  anthrophog, 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  197 

Come  sing  blithe  clioral  all  in  og^ 
Caralog,  basilog,  fog,  and  bog ! 

Great  and  superb  appears  tliy  cap  sublime, 
Admired  and  worshipped  as  the  rising  sun ; 

Solemn,  majestic,  wise,  like  hoary  Time, 
And  fam'd  alike  for  virtue,  sense,  and  fun. 

Then  swell  the  noble  strain  with  song 

And  elegance  divine, 
While  Goddesses  around  shall  throng, 

And  all  the  Muses  Nine. 

And  bulls,  and  crickets,  and  Gog,  Magog, 
And  trumpets  chiming  anthrophog. 
Shall  sing  blithe  choral  all  in  o(jy 
Caralog,  basilog,  fog,  and  bog ! 

This  piece  of  poetry  was  much  applauded,  ad- 
mired, and  encored  in  every  public  assembly  ;  cele- 
brated as  an  astonishing  effort  of  genius ;  and  the 
music,  composed  by  Minheer  Gastrashbark  Gkrghh- 
barwskhk,  was  thought  equal  to  the  sense !— Never 
was  there  anything  so  universally  admired,  the 
summit  of  the  most  exquisite  wit,  the  keenest 
praise,  the  most  excellent  music. 


17- 


198  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

"  Upon  my  honor,  and  the  faith  I  owe  my  love," 
said  I,  "  music  may  be  talked  of  in  England ;  but 
to  possess  the  very  soul  of  harmony,  the  world 
should  come  to  the  performance  of  this  Ode." — 
Lady  Fragrantia  was  at  that  moment  drumming 
with  her  fingers  on  the  edge  of  her  fan,  lost  in  a 

reverie,  thinking  she  was  playing  upon Was  it 

a  forte  piano? 

"  Ko,  my  dear  Fragrantia,"  said  I,  tenderly  tak- 
ing her  in  my  arms  while  she  melted  into  tears ; 
"  never,  never,  will  I  play  upon  any  other !" 

O !  'twas  divine,  to  see  her  like  a  summer's 
morning,  all  blushing  and  full  of  dew  ! 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


199 


(Hhaptev  SJw^ttttj-^iflHtlt. 


now,  most  noble  Baron," 
said  the  illustrious  Ililaro 
Frosticos,  "  now  is  the  time 
to  make  this  people  proceed 
in  any  business  that  we  find 
conv^enient.  Take  them  at 
this  present  ferment  of  the  mind,  let  them  not  think, 
but  at  once  set  them  to  work."  In  short,  the  whole 
nation  went  heartily  to  the  business,  to  build  an 
edifice  such  as  was  never  seen  in  any  other  country. 
I  took  care  to  supply  them  with  their  favorite  kava 
and  fudge,  and  they  worked  like  horses.  The  tower 
of  Babylon,  which,  according  to  Ilermogastricus, 
was  seven  miles  high,  or  the  Chinese  wall,  was 
a  mere  trifle,  in  comparison  to  this  stupendous 
edifice,  which  was  completed  in  a  very  short  space 
of  time. 


200  OEIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

It  was  of  an  immense  heiglit,  far  bejond  any 
thing  that  ever  had  been  before  erected;  and  of 
sudi  gentle  ascent,  that  a  regiment  of  cavalry  with 
a  train  of  cannon  could  ascend  with  perfect  ease  and 
facility.  It  seemed  like  a  rainbow  in  the  heavens, 
the  base  of  which  appeared  to  rise  in  the  centre  of 
Africa,  and  the  other  extremity  seemed  to  stoop 
into  Great  Britain.  A  most  noble  bridge  indeed, 
and  a  piece  of  masonry  that  has  outdone  Sir  Chris- 
topher Wren.  Wonderful  must  it  have  been  to  form 
so  tremendous  an  arch,  especially  as  the  artists  had 
certain  difficulties  to  labor  against,  which  they 
could  not  have  in  the  formation  of  any  other  arch 
in  the  world ;  I  mean,  the  attraction  of  the  moon 
and  planets :  because  the  arch  was  of  so  great  a 
height,  and  in  some  parts  so  elongated  from  the 
earth,  as  in  a  great  measure  to  diminish  in  its  grav- 
itation  to  the  centre  of  our  globe ;  or  rather,  seemed 
more  easily  operated  upon  by  the  attraction  of  the 
planets :  so  that  the  stones  of  the  arch,  one  w^ould 
think,  at  certain  times,  were  ready  to  fall  xvjp  to  the 
moon,  and  at  other  times  to  fall  down  to  the  earth. 
But  as  the  former  was  more  to  be  dreaded,  I  se- 
cured stability  to  the  fabric  by  a  very  curious  con- 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  201 

trivance.  I  ordered  the  architects  to  get  the  heads 
of  some  hundred  numbskulls  and  blockheads,  and 
fix  them  to  the  interior  surface  of  the  arch,  at  cer- 
tain intervals,  all  the  whole  length ;  by  which 
means  the  arch  was  held  together  firm,  and  its  in- 
clination to  the  earth  eternally  established  ;  because 
of  all  the  things  in  the  world,  the  skulls  of  these 
kind  of  animals  have  a  strange  facility  of  tending 
to  the  centre  of  the  earth. 

The  building  being  completed,  I  caused  an  in- 
scription to  be  engraved  in  the  most  magnificent 
style  upon  the  summit  of  the  arch,  in  letters  so 
great  and  luminous,  that  all  vessels  sailing  to  the 
East  or  West  Indies  might  read  them  distinct  in  the 
heavens,  like  the  motto  of  Constantine  : 

KARDOL  BAGARLAN  KAI  TON  FARINGO  SARGAL 
RA  MO  PASHROL  VATmEAO  OAL  COLNITOS  RO 
NA  FILNAT  AGASTRA  SA  DINGANNAL  FANO. 

That  is  to  say,  "  As  long  as  this  arch  and  bond  of 
union  shall  exist,  so  long  shall  the  people  be  happy. 
ISTor  can  all  the  power  of  the  world  aftect  them, 
unless  the  moon,  advancing  from  her  usual  sphere, 
should  so  much  attract  the  skulls  as  to  cause  a  sud- 


202  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

den  elevation  ;  on  which  the  whole  will  fall  into  the 
most  horrible  confusion.'' 

An  easy  intercourse  being  thus  established 
between  Great  Britain  and  the  centre  of  Africa, 
numbers  travelled  continually  to  and  from  both 
countries,  and  at  my  request  mail-coaches  were  or- 
dered to  run  on  the  bridge  between  both  empires. 
After  some  time,  having  settled  the  government  per- 
fectly to  my  satisfaction,  I  requested  permission  to 
resign,  as  a  great  cabal  had  been  excited  against  me 
in  England ;  I  therefore  received  my  letters  of  re- 
call, and  prepared  to  return  to  Old  England. 

In  fine,  I  set  out  upon  my  journey,  covered  with 
applause  and  general  admiration.  I  proceeded 
with  the  same  retinue  that  I  had  before.  Sphinx, 
Gog,  and  Magog,  &c.,  and  advanced  along  the 
bridge,  lined  on  each  side  with  rows  of  trees, 
adorned  with  festoons  of  various  flowers,  and  illu- 
minated with  colored  lights.  We  advanced  at  a 
great  rate  along  the  bridge,  which  was  so  very  ex- 
tensive that  we  could  scarce  perceive  the  ascent, 
but  proceeded  insensibly  until  we  arrived  on  the 
centre  of  the  arch.  The  view  from  thence  was  glo- 
rious beyond  conception ;  'twas  divine  to  look  down 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  203 

on  the  kingdoms,  and  seas,  and  islands  under  ns. 
Africa  seemed  in  general  of  a  tawny  brownish 
color,  burned  up  by  the  sun ;  Spain  seemed  more 
inclining  to  a  yellow,  on  account  of  some  fields  of 
corn  scattered  over  the  kingdom  ;  France  appeared 
more  inclining  to  a  bright  straws-color,  intermixed 
with  green ;  and  England  appeared  covered  with 
the  most  beautiful  verdure.  I  admired  the  appear- 
ance of  the  Baltic  Sea,  which  evidently  seemed  to 
have  been  introduced  between  those  countries  by 
the  sudden  splitting  of  the  land ;  and  that  originally 
Sweden  was  united  to  the  western  coast  of  Den- 
mark :  in  short,  the  whole  interstice  of  the  Gulf  of 
Finland  had  no  being,  until  these  countries,  by 
mutual  consent,  separated  from  one  another.  Such 
were  my  philosophical  meditations,  as  I  advanced, 
when  I  observed  a  man  in  armor  with  a  tremen- 
dous spear  or  lance,  and  mounted  upon  a  steed, 
advancing  against  me.  I  soon  discovered,  by  a  tele- 
scope, that  it  could  be  no  other  than  Don  Quixote, 
and  promised  myself  much  amusement  in  the  ren- 
counter. 


204 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


(Rlxixvttx  W\vt\xt\j-nxnt\i. 


^H AT  art  thou  ?"  exclaimed  Don 
Quixote  on  liis  potent  steed. 
"  Who  art  thou  ?  Speak, — ov 
by  the  eternal  vengeance  of 
niine  arm,  tliy  whole  machinery 
sluiU  perish  at  sound  of  this  my  trumpet!" 

Astonislied  at  so  rude  a  salutation,  the  great 
Sphinx  stopped  short,  and  bridling  up  herself,  drew 
in  her  head,  like  a  snail  when  it  touches  something 
it  does  not  like ;  the  bulls  set  up  a  horrid  bellow- 
ing ;  the  crickets  sounded  an  alarm ;  and  Gog  and 
Magog  advanced  before  the  rest.  One  of  these 
powerful  brothers  had  in  his  hand  a  great  pole,  to 
the  extremity  of  which  was  fastened  a  cord  of  about 
two  feet  in  length,  and  to  the  end  of  the  cord  was 
fastened  a  ball  of  iron,  with  spikes  shooting  from  it 
like  the  rays  of  a  star:  with  this  weapon  he  pre- 
pared to  encounter  ;  and  advancing,  thus  he  spoke  : 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  205 

"  Audacious  wight,  that  thus,  in  complete  steel 
arrayed,  doth  dare  to  venture  cross  my  way,  to  stop 
the  great  Munchausen  !  Know  then,  proud  knight, 
that  thou  shalt  instant  perish  'neath  my  potent  arm." 

When  Quixote,  Mancha's  knight,  responded  firm  : 

"  Gigantic  monster !  leader  of  witches,  crickets, 
and  chimeras  dire  !  know  thou,  that  here  before 
yon  azure  heaven,  the  cause  of  truth,  of  valor,  and 
of  faith  right  pure  shall  ordeal  counter  try  it !" 

Thus  he  spoke,  and  brandishing  his  mighty  spear, 
would  instant  prodigies  sublime  performed,  had  not 
some  wight  placed  'neath  the  tail  of  dark  Eosinante 
furze  all  thorny  base  ;  at  which,  quadrupedanting, 
plunged  the  steed,  and  instant  on  the  earth  the 
knight  roar'd  credo  for  his  life. 

At  that  same  moment,  ten  thousand  frogs  started 
from  the  morions  of  Gog  and  Magog,  and  furiously 
assailed  the  knight  on  every  side.  In  vain  lie 
roared,  and  invoked  fair  Dulcinea  del  Toboso ;  for 
frogs  wild  croaking  seemed  more  loud,  more  sonor- 
ous than  all  his  invocations.  And  thus  in  battle 
vile  the  knight  was  overcome,  and  spawn  all 
swarmed  upon  his  glittering  helmet. 

"Detested     miscreants!"     roared     the     knight; 

18 


206  ORIGNIAL  TRAVELS  OF 

"  avaimt !  Enchanters  dire  and  goblins  could 
alone  this  arduous  task  perform ;  to  rout  the 
knight  of  Mancha,  foul  defeat,  and  war,  even  such  as 
ne'er  was  known  before.  Then  hear,  O  del  Toboso ! 
hear  my  vows,  that  thus  in  anguish  of  mj  soul  I 
urge,  'midst  frogs,  Gridalbin,  Hecaton,  Kai,  Talon, 
and  the  Rove !  (for  such  the  names  and  definitions 
of  their  qualities,  their  separate  powers.)  For  Mer- 
lin plumed  their  airy  flight,  and  then  in  watery 
moonbeam  dyed  his  rod  eccentric.  At  the  touch, 
ten  thousand  frogs,  strange  metamorphos'd  croaked 
even  thus  :  And  here  they  come,  on  high  behest  to 
vilify  the  knight,  that  erst  defended  famed  virgin- 
ity, and  matrons  all  bewronged,  and  pilgrims  hoar, 
and  courteous  guise  of  all !  But  the  age  of  chivalry 
is  gone,  and  the  glory  of  Europe  is  extinguished  for- 
ever !" 

He  spake,  and  sudden  good  Lord  Whittington,  at 
head  of  all  his  raree-show,  came  forth,  armor 
antique  of  chivalry,  and  helmets  old,  and  troops,  all 
streamers,  flags  and  banners  glittering  gay,  red, 
gold,  and  purple ;  and  in  every  hand  a  square  of 
gingerbread  all  gilded  nice,  was  brandished  awful. 
At  a  word,  ten  thousand  thousand  Naples  biscuits, 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  207 

buns,  and  flannel-cake,  and  hats  of  gingerbread, 
encounter'd  in  mid  air  in  glorious  exaltation ;  like 
some  huge  storm  of  mill-stones,  or  when  it  rains 
whole  clouds  of  dogs  and  cats. 

The  frogs,  astonished,  thunderstruck,  forgot  their 
notes  and  music,  that  before  had  seemed  so  terrible, 
and  drowned  the  cries  of  knight  renown  ;  and  mute 
in  wonder  heard  the  words  of  Whittington,  pro- 
nouncing solemn : — "  Goblins,  chimeras  dire,  or 
frogs,  or  whatsoe'er  enchantment  thus  presents  in 
antique  shape,  attend  and  hear  the  words  of  peace ; 
and  thou,  good  Herald,  read  aloud  the  Riot  Act !" 

He  ceased,  and  dismal  was  the  tone  that  softly 
breathed  from  all  the  frogs  in  chorus,  who  quick 
had  petrified  with  fright,  unless  redoubted  Gog  and 
Magog  both  with  poles,  high  topped  with  airy  blad- 
ders by  a  string  dependent,  had  not  stormed  against 
his  lordship.  Ever  and  anon  the  bladders,  loud 
resounding  on  his  chaps,  proclaimed  their  fury 
against  all  potent  law,  coercive  mayoralty :  When 
he,  submissive,  thus  in  cunning  guile  addressed  the 
knights  assailant : — "  Gog,  Magog,  renowned  and 
famous !  what,  my  sons,  shall  you  assail  your  father, 
friend,  and  chief  confessed  !     Shall  you,  thus  armed 


208  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

with  bladders  vile,  attack  my  title,  eminence,  and 
pomp  sublime !  Subside,  vile  discord,  and  again 
return  to  your  true  'legiance.  Think,  my  friends, 
how  oft  your  gorgeous  pouch  I've  cramm'd,  all 
calapash,  green  fat,  and  calapee.  Remember  how 
you've  feasted,  stood  inert  for  ages,  until  size  im- 
mense you've  gained.  And  think,  how  different  is 
the  service  of  Munchausen,  where  you  o'er  seas, 
cold,  briny,  float  along  the  tide,  eternal  toiling  like 
to  slaves  Algiers  and  Tripoli.  And  e'en  on  high, 
balloon  like,  through  the  heavens  have  journeyed 
late,  upon  a  rainbow  or  some  awful  bridge  stretched 
eminent;  as  if  on  earth  he  had  not  work  sufficient 
to  distress  your  potent  servitudes,  but  he  should 
also  seek  in  heaven  dire  cause  of  labor !  Recollect, 
my  friends,  even  why  or  wherefore  should  you  thus 
assail  your  lawful  Magistrate,  or  why  desert  his 
livery  ?  or  for  what  or  wherefore  serve  this  German 
Lord  Munchausen,  who  for  all  your  labors  shall 
alone  bestow  some  fudge  and  heroic  blows  in  war  ? 
Tlien  cease,  and  thus  in  amity  return  to  friendship 
aldermanic,  bungy,  brown,  and  sober." 

Ceased  he  then,  right  worshipful,  when  both  the 
warring  champions  instant   stemmed   their  battle, 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  209 

and  in  sign  of  peace  and  unity  returning,  'neath 
their  feet  reclined  their  weapons.  Sudden  at  a  sig- 
nal either  stamped  his  foot  sinistrine,  and  the  lond 
report  of  bursten  bladder  stunned  each  ear  sur- 
rounding, like  the  roar  of  thunder  from  on  high 
convulsing  heaven  and  earth. 

'Twas  now  upon  the  saddle  once  again  the 
knight  of  Mancha  rose ;  and  in  his  hand  far  balan- 
cing his  lance,  full  tilt  against  the  troops  of  bulls 
opposing  ran.  And  thou,  shrill  crillitrilkril,  than 
whom  no  cricket  e'er  on  hob  of  rural  cottage,  or 
chimney  black,  more  gladsome  tuned  his  merry 
note,  e'en  thou  didst  perish,  shrieking  gave  the 
ghost  in  empty  air  the  sport  of  ev'ry  wind  ;  for  e'en 
that  heart  so  jocund  and  so  gay  was  pierced,  harsh 
spitted  by  the  lance  of  Mancha,  while  undaunted 
thou  didst  sit  between  the  horns  that  crowned  Mow- 
mowsky.  And  now  Whittington  advanced,  'midst 
armor  antique  and  the  powers  Magog  and  Gog ; 
and  with  his  rod  enchanting  touched  the  head  of 
every  frog,  long  mute  and  thunderstruck ;  at  which, 
in  universal  chorus  and  salute,  they  sung  blithe 
jocund,  and  amain  advanced  rebellious  'gainst  ni}- 
troop. 

18« 


210  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

While  Sphinx,  though  great,  gigantic,  seemed  in- 
stinctive base  and  cowardly,  and  at  the  sight  of 
storming  gingerbread,  and  powers  Magog  and  Grog, 
and  Quixote,  all  against  her,  started  fierce,  o'erturn- 
ing  boat,  balloons,  and  all ;  loud  roared  the  bulls, 
hideous  ;  and  the  crash  of  wheels,  and  chaos  of  con- 
fusion drear,  resounded  far  from  earth  to  heaven. 
And  still  more  fierce  in  charge  the  great  Lord  "Whit- 
tington,  from  poke  of  ermine  his  famed  Grimalkin 
took.  She  screamed,  and  harsh  attacked  my  bulls 
confounded;  lightning-like  she  darted,  and  from 
lialf  the  troop  theii*  eyes  devouring  tore.  'Nov  could 
the  riders,  crickets  throned  sublime,  escape  from 
rage,  from  fury  less  averse  than  cannons  murder 
o'er  the  stormy  sea.  The  great  Mowmowsky  roared 
amain  and  plunged  in  anguish,  shunning  every  dart 
of  fire-eyed  fierce  Grimalkin.  Dire  the  rage  of 
warfare,  and  contending  crickets,  Quixote  and  great 
Magog ;  when  Whittington  advancing — "  Good,  my 
friends  and  wan*iors,  headlong  on  the  foe  bear 
down  impetuous !"  He  spoke,  and  waving  high 
the  mighty  rod,  tipped  wonderful  each  bull,  at 
which  more  fierce  the  creatures  bellowed,  while 
enchantment  drear  devoured  their  vitals.     And  all 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN  211 

had  gone  to  wreck  in  more  than  mortal  strife,  unless, 
like  Neptune  orient  from  the  stormy  deep,  I  rose, 
e'en  towering  o'er  the  ruins  of  my  fighting  troops. 
Serene  and  calm  I  stood,  and  gazed  around  undaunt- 
ed ;  nor  did  aught  oppose  against  my  foes  impetu- 
ous. But  sudden  from  chariot,  purses  plentiful  of 
fudge  poured  forth,  and  scattered  it  amain  o'er  all 
the  crowd  contending.  As  when  old  Catharine  or 
the  careful  Joan  doth  scatter  to  the  chickens  bits 
of  bread  and  crumbs  fragmented,  while  rejoiced 
they  gobble  fast  the  profi'ered  scraps  in  general 
plenty  and  fraternal  peace,  and  "  hush,"  she  cries, 
"hush!  hush!"  .   ' 


212  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS    OF 


(SU^Htx  ^\txttxttlx. 


AYINQ  arrived  in  England 
once  more,  the  greatest  re- 
joicings were  made  for  my 
return;  the  whole  city  seem- 
ed one  general  blaze  of  illu- 
mination ;  and  the  Colossus 
of  Rhodes,  hearing  of  my  astonishing  feats,  came  on 
purpose  to  England  to  congratulate  me  on  such 
unparalleled  achievements.  But  above  all  other 
rejoicings  on  my  return,  the  musical  oratorio  and 
song  of  triumph  were  magnificent  in  the  extreme. 
Gog  and  Magog  were  ordered  to  take  the  maiden 
tower  of  Windsor,  and  make  a  tamborine  or  great 
drum  of  it.  For  this  purpose  they  extended  an 
elephant's  hide,  tanned  and  prepared  for  the  design, 
across  the  summit  of  the  tower,  from  parapet  to 
parapet ;  so  that  in  proportion  this  extended  ele- 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  213 

phant's  hide  was  to  the  wliole  of  the  castle  what  the 
parchment  is  to  a  drum ;  in  such  a  manner  that  the 
whole  became  one  great  instrument  of  war. 

To  correspond  with  this,  Colossus  took  Gaildhall 
and  Westminster  Abbey,  and  turning  the  founda- 
tions towards  the  heavens,  so  that  the  roofs  of  the 
edifices  w^ere  upon  the  ground,  he  strung  them 
across  with  brass  and  steel  wire  from  side  to  side ; 
and  thus,  when  strung,  they  had  the  appearance  of 
most  noble  dulcimers.  He  then  took  the  great 
dome  of  St.  Paul's,  raising  it  off  the  earth  with  as 
much  facility  as  you  would  a  decanter  of  claret. 
And  when  once  risen  up,  it  had  the  appearance  of 
a  quart  bottle.  Colossus  instantly,  with  his  teeth, 
cracked  off'  the  superior  part  of  the  cupola,  and  then 
applying  his  lips  to  the  instrument,  began  to  sound 
it  like  a  trumpet.  'Twas  martial  beyond  descrip- 
tion— tantara  ! — tara — ta  ! 

During  the  concert  I  walked  in  the  park  with 
Lady  Fragrantia :  she  was  dressed  that  morning  in  a 
chemise  d  la  reine.  "I  like,"  said  she,  "the  dew  of 
the  morning,  'tis  delicate  and  ethereal,  and,  by  thus 
bespangling  me,  I  think  it  will  more  approximate 
me  to  the  nature  of  the  rose  (for  her  looks  were  like 


214  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

Aurora) ;  and  to  confirm  the  vermilion  I  shall  go  to 
Spa."  "And  drink  the  Pouhon  spring,"  added  I,  gaz- 
ing at  her  from  top  to  toe.  "  Yes,"  replied  the  love- 
ly Fragrantia,  "  with  all  my  heart — 'tis  the  drink  of 
sweetness  and  delicacy ;  never  were  there  any  crea- 
tures like  the  water-drinkers  at  Spa ;  they  seem  like 
so  many  thirsty  blossoms  on  a  peach-tree,  that  suck 
up  the  shower  in  the  scorching  heat.  There  is  a 
certain  something  in  the  waters  that  gives  vigor  to 
the  whole  frame,  and  expands  every  heart  with  rap- 
ture and  benevolence.  Tliey  drink !  good  gods ! 
how  they  do  drink !  and  then,  how  they  sleep ! 
Pray,  my  dear  Baron,  were  you  ever  at  the  Falls  of 
Niagara?" — "Yes,  my  lady,"  replied  I  (surprised  at 
such  a  strange  association  of  ideas);  "I  have  been, 
many  years  ago,  at. the  Falls  of  ^N^iagara,  and  found 
no  more  difiiculty  in  swimming  up  and*  down  the  cat- 
aracts, than  I  should  to  move  a  minuet."  At  that 
moment  she  dropped  her  nosegay — "Ah,"  said  she, 
as  I  presented  it  to  her,  "  there  is  no  great  variety 
in  these  polyanthuses.  I  do  assure  you,  my  dear 
Baron,  that  there  is  taste  in  the  selection  of  flowers 
as  well  as  every  thing  else ;  and  were  I  a  girl  of 
sixteen,  I  should  wear  some  rose-buds  in  my  bosom ; 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  215 

but  at  five-and- twenty,  I  think  'twould  be  more 
apropos  to  wear  a  full-blown  rose,  quite  ripe,  and 
ready  to  drop  off  tlie  stalk  for  want  of  being  pulled — 
lieigli  lio!" — "But  pray,  my  lady,"  said  I,  "liow  do 
you  like  the  concert?" — "Alas!"  said  she,  languish- 
ingly,  while  she  laid  her  hand  upon  my  shoulder ; 
"  what  are  these  bodiless  sounds  and  vibrations  to 
me?  and  yet  what  an  exquisite  sweetness  in  the 
songs  of  the  northern  part  of  our  island : — '  Thou 
art  gone  awcC  from  me,  Mary  P  How  pathetic 
and  divine  the  little  airs  of  Scotland  and  the  Heb- 
rides !  But  never,  never  can  I  think  of  that  same 
Doctor  Johnson — that  Olonstabie,  as  Fergus  Mac- 
Leod calls  him — but  I  have  an  idea  of  a  great 
brown  full-bottomed  wig  and  a  hogshead  of  porter ! 
Oh !  'twas  base  to  be  treated  everywhere  with  po- 
liteness and  liospitality,  and  in  return  invidiously 
to  smellfungus  them  all  over ;  to  go  to  the  country 
of  Kate  of  Aberdeen,  of  Auld  Eobin  Gray,  'midst 
rural  innocence  and  sweetness,  take  up  their  plaids, 
and  dance.     O  Doctor,  Doctor." 

"And  what  would  you  say,  Fragrantia,  if  you 
were  to  write  a  *  Tour  to  the  Hebrides  V  " — "  Peace 
to  the  heroes,"  replied  she  in  a  delicate  and  theatri- 


216 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 


cal  toue  ;  "  peace  to  the  heroes  who  sleep  in  the 
isle  of  lona ;  the  sons  of  the  wave,  and  the  chiefs  of 
the  dark-browu  shield  !  The  tear  of  the  sympathiz- 
ing stranger  is  scattered  by  the  wind  over  the  hoary 
stones  as  she  meditated  sorrowfully  on  the  times  of 
old.  Such  could  I  say,  sitting  upon  some  druidical 
heap  or  tumulus.  The  fact  is  this,  there  is  a  right 
and  wrong  handle  to  every  thing ;  and  there  is  more 
pleasure  in  thinking  with  pure  nobility  of  heart, 
than  with  the  illiberal  enmities  and  sarcasm  of  a 
blackguard." 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  217 


Clto^pt^t  ^UxxUj'txx^l. 


,  HE  contention  between  Gog  and 
Magog,  and  Sphinx,  Hilaro  Fros- 


ticos,  the  Lord  Whittington,  &c., 
was  productive  of  infinite  litiga- 
tion. All  the  lawyei'S  in  the 
kingdom  were  employed,  to  render  the  affair  as 
'complex  and  gloriously  uncertain  as  possible,  and, 
in  fine,  the  whole  nation  became  interested,  and 
were  divided  on  both  sides  of  the  question.  Colos- 
sus took  the  part  of  Sphinx,  and  the  affair  was  at 
length  submitted  to  the  decision  of  a  grand  council 
in  a  great  hall,  adorned  with  seats  on  every  side  in 
form  of  an  amphitheatre.  The  assembly  appeared 
the  most  magnificent  and  splendid  in  the  world. 
A  court  or  jury  of  one  hundred  matrons  occupied 
the  principal  and  most  honorable  part  of  the  amphi- 
theatre ;    they   were   dressed   in   flowing  robes   of 

19 


218  ORIGINAL   TRAVELS   OF 

sky-blue  velvet,  udorned  with  testoons  of  brilliants 
and  diamond  stars ;  grave  and  sedate  looking 
matrons,  all  in  uniform,  with  spectacles  upon  their 
noses ;  and  opposite  to  these  were  placed  one  hun- 
dred judges,  with  curly  white  wigs  flowing  down 
on  each  side  of  them  to  their  very  feet ;  so  that 
Solomon  in  all  his  glory  w^as  not  so  w^ise  in  appear- 
ance. At  the  ardent  request  of  the  whole  empire, 
I  condescended  to  be  the  president  of  the  court; 
and  being  arrayed  accordingly,  I  took  niy  seat  be- 
neath a  canopy  erected  in  the  centre.  Before 
every  judge  was  placed  a  square  inkstand,  contain- 
ing a  gallon  of  ink,  and  pens  of  a  proportionable 
size ;  and  also  right  before  him  an  enormous  folio,- 
so  large  as  to  serve  for  table  and  book  at  the  same 
time.  But  they  did  not  make  much  use  of  their 
pens  and  ink,  except  to  blot  and  daub  the  paper ; 
for,  that  they  should  be  the  more  impartial,  I  had 
ordered  that  none  but  the  blind  should  be  honored 
with  the  employment :  so  that  when  they  attempted 
to  write  any  thing,  they  uniformly  dipj)ed  their  pens 
into  the  machine  containing  sand ;  and  having 
scraw^led  over  a  page  as  they  thought,  desiring  then 
to  dry  it  with  sand,  would  spill  half  a  gallon  of  ink 


^  BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  219 

upon  the  paper,  and  thereby  daubing  their  fingers, 
would  transfer  the  ink  to  their  face  whenever  they 
leaned  their  cheek  upon  their  hand  for  greater 
gravity.  As  to  the  matrons,  to  prevent  an  eternal 
prattle  that  would  drown  all  manner  of  intelligibil- 
ity, I  found  it  absolutely  necessary  to  sew  up  their 
mouths;  so  that  between  the  blind  judges  and 
dumb  matrons,  methought  the  trial  had  a  chance  of 
being  terminated  sooner  than  it  otherwise  would. 
The  matrons,  instead  of  their  tongues,  had  other 
instruments  to  convey  their  ideas :  each  of  them 
had  three  quizzes,  one  quiz  pendant  from  the  string 
that  sewed  up  their  mouth,  and  another  quiz  in 
either  liand.  When  she  wished  to  express  her 
negative,  she  darted  and  recoiled  the  quizzes  in  her 
right  and  left  hand ;  and  when  she  desired  to  ex- 
press her  afiirnjative,  she,  nodding,  made  the  quiz 
pendant  from  her  mouth  flow  down  and  recoil 
again.  The  trial  proceeded  in  this  manner  for  a 
long  time,  to  the  admiration  of  the  whole  empire ; 
when  at  length  I  thought  proper  to  send  to  my  old 
friend  and  ally,  Prester  John,  entreating  him  to 
forward  to  me  one  of  the  species  of  wild  and  curious 
birds  found   in    his   kingdom,   called   a  Wauwau. 


220  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

Tills  creature  was  brought  over  the  great  bridge 
before  mentioned,  from  the  interior  of  Africa,  by 
a  balloon.  The  balloon  was  placed  upon  the  bridge, 
extending  over  the  parapets  on  each  side,  with  great 
wings  or  oars  to  assist  its  velocity ;  and  under  the 
balloon  was  placed  pendant  a  kind  of  boat,  in 
which  were  the  persons  to  manage  the  steerage  of 
the  machine,  and  protect  Wauwau.  This  oracular 
bird  arriving  in  England,  instantly  darted  through 
one  of  the  windows  of  the  great  hall,  and  perched 
upon  the  canopy  in  the  centre,  to  the  admiration  of 
all  present.  Her  cackling  appeared  quite  prophet- 
ic and  oracular ;  and  the  first  question  proposed  to 
her  by  the  unanimous  consent  of  the  matrons  and 
j  udges  was.  Whether  or  not  the  moon  was  composed 
of  green  cheese  ?  The  solution  of  this  question  was 
deemed  absolutely  necessary,  before  they  could 
proceed  farther  on  the  trial. 

Wauwau  seemed  in  figure  not  very  much  difier- 
ing  from  a  swan,  except  that  the  neck  was  not  near 
so  long,  and  she  stood  after  an  admirable  fashion 
like  to  Yestris.  She  began  cackling  most  sonorous- 
ly, and  the  whole  assembly  agreed  that  it  was  ab- 
solutely necessary  to  catch  her,  and  having  her  in 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  221 

their  immediate  possession,  nothing  more  would  be 
requisite  for  the  termination  of  this  litigated  aftair. 
For  this  purpose  the  whole  house  rose  up  to  catch 
her,  and  approached  in  tumult,  the  judges  brandish- 
ing their  pens,  and  shaking  their  big  wigs,  and  the 
matrons  quizzing  as  much  as  possible  in  every  direc- 
tion, which  very  much  startled  Wauwau  ;  who,  clap- 
ping her  wrings,  instantly  flew  out  of  the  hall.  The 
assembly  began  to  proceed  after  her  in  order  and 
style  of  precedence:  together  with  my  whole  train 
of  Gog  and  Magog,  Sphinx,  Ililaro  Frosticos,  Queen 
Mab's  chariot,  the  bulls  and  crickets,  &c.,  preced- 
ed by  bands  of  music  ;  while  Wauwau,  descending 
on  the  earth,  ran  on  like  an  ostrich  before  the  troop, 
cackling  all  the  way.  Thinking  suddenly  to  catch 
this  ferocious  animal,  the  judges  and  matrons  would 
suddenly  quicken  their  p^ce  ;  but  the  creature 
would  as  quickly  outrun  them,  or  sometimes  fly 
away  for  many  miles  together,  and  then  alight  to 
take  breath  until  we  came  within  si^ht  of  her  affain. 
Our  train  journeyed  over  a  most  prodigious  tract  of 
country  in  a  direct  line,  over  hills  and  dales,  to  the 
summit  of  Plinlimmon,  where  we  thought  to  have 

seized  Wauwau ;   but  she  instantly  took  flight,  and 

19» 


222  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

never  ceased  until  she  arrived  at  tlie  moutli  of  the 
Potomac  river,  in  Virginia. 

Our  co]n]3any  immediately  embarked  in  the  ma- 
chines before  described,  in  which  we  had  journeyed 
into  Africa,  and  after  a  few  days'  sail,  arrived  in 
]N^orth  America.  We  met  with  nothiug^curions  on 
our  voyage,  except  a  floating  island,  containing 
some  very  delightful  villages,  inhabited  by  a  few 
whites  and  negroes ;  the  sugar-cane  did  not  thrive 
there  well,  on  account,  as  I  was  informed,  of  the 
variety  of  the  climates ;  the  island  being  sometimes 
driven  up  as  far  as  the  north  pole,  and  at  other 
times  wafted  under  the  equinoctial.  In  pity  to  the 
poor  islanders,  I  got  a  huge  stake  of  iron,  and  driv- 
ing it  through  the'  centre  of  the  island,  fastened  it 
to  the  rocks  and  mud  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea; 
since  which  time  the  island  has  become  stationary, 
and  is  well  known  at  present  by  the  name  of  St. 
Christopher's,  and  there  is  not  an  island  in  the 
world  more  secure. 

Arriving  in  IS'orth  America,  we  were  received  by 
the  President  of  the  United  States  with  every  honor 
and  politeness.  He  was  pleased  to  give  us  all 
the  information  possible  relative  to  the  woods  and 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  223 

immense  regions  of  America,  and  ordered  troops 
of  the  difierent  tribes  of  the  Esquimaux  to  guide  ns 
through  the  forests  in  pursuit  of  Wauwau  ;  who,  ^^•c 
at  length  found,  had  taken  refuge  in  the  centre  of  a 
morass.  The  inhabitants  of  the  country,  who  loved 
hunting,  were  much  delighted  to  behold  the  manner 
in  which  we  attempted  to  seize  upon  Wauwau ;  the 
chase  was  noble  and  uncommon.  I  determined  to 
surround  the  animal  on  every  side ;  and  for  this 
purpose  ordered  the  judges  and  matrons  to  sur- 
round the  morass  with  nets  extending  a  mile  in 
height ;  on  various  parts  of  which  net  the  company 
disposed  themselves,  floating  in  the  air,  like  so  many 
spiders  upon  their  cobwebs.  Magog,  at  my  com- 
mand, put  on  a  kind  of  armor  that  he  had  carried 
with  him  for  the  purpose,  corslet  of  steel,  with 
gauntlets,  helmets,  &c.,  so  as  nearly  to  resemble  a 
mole.  He  instantly  plunged  into  flie  earth,  mak- 
ing way  with  his  sharp  steel  head-piece,  and  tearing 
up  the  ground  with  his  iron  claws  ;  and  found  not 
much  difficulty  therein,  as  morass  in  general  is  of  a 
soft  and  yielding  texture.  Thus  he  hoped  to  under- 
mine Wauwau,  and  suddenly  rising,  seize  her  by 
the  foot :  while  his  brother  Gog  ascending  the  air  in 


22-i  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

a  balloon,  hoping  to  catch  her  if  she  should  escape 
Magog.  Thus  the  animal  was  surronnded  on  every 
side,  and  at  iirst  was  very  much  terriiied,  knowing 
not  which  way  she  had  best  to  go.  At  length,  hear- 
ing an  obscure  noise  under  ground,  Wauwau  took 
flight  before  Magog  could  have  time  to  catch  her 
by  the  foot.  She  flew  to  the  right,  then  to  the  left, 
north,  east,  west,  and  south;  but  found  on  every 
side  the  company  prepared  upon  their  nets.  At 
length  she  flew  right  up,  soaring  at  a  most  aston- 
ishing rate  towards  the  sun,  while  the  company  on 
every  side  set  up  one  general  acclamation.  But 
Gog  in  his  balloon  soon  stopped  Wauwau  in  the 
midst  of  her  career,  and  snared  her  in  a  net,  the 
cords  of  which  he  continued  to  hold  in  his  hand. 
"Wauwau  did  not  totally  lose  her  presence  of  mind, 
but,  after  a  little  consideration,  made  several  violent 
darts  against  the  volume  of  the  balloon ;  so  fierce, 
as  at  length  to  tear  open  a  great  space,  on  which 
the  inflammable  air  rushing  out,  the  whole  appa- 
ratus began  to  tumble  to  the  earth  with  amazing- 
rapidity.  Gog  himself  was  thrown  out  of  the  ve- 
hicle, and  letting  go  the  reins  of  the  net,  Wauwau 
got  liberty  again,  and  flew  out  of  sight  in  an  instant. 


BAKON  MUNCHAUSEN.  225 

Gog  had  been  above  a  mile  elevated  from  the 
earth  when  he  began  to  fall ;  and  as  he  advanced, 
the  rapidity  increased,  so  that  he  went  like  a  ball 
from  a  cannon  into  the  morass,  and  his  nose  strik- 
ing against  one  of  the  iron-capped  hands  of  his 
brother  Magog,  just  then  rising  from  the  depths,  he 
began  to  bleed  violently,  and,  but  for  the  softness 
of  the  morass,  w^ould  have  lost  his  life. 


226 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


&UixvUx  mxi}i-^i^icj(ji\x&. 


Y  Friends,  and  very  learned 
and  profound  Judiciarii," 
said  I,  "  be  not  disheart- 
ened that  Wauwau  has  es- 
caped from  you  at  present ; 
persevere,  and  we  shall  yet  succeed.  You  should 
never  despair,  Munchausen  being  your  general ; 
and  therefore  be  brave,  be  courageous,  and  fortune 
shall  second  your  endeavors.  Let  us  advance 
undaunted  in  pursuit,  and  follow  the  fierce  Wau- 
wau even  three  times  round  the  globe,  until  we 
entrap  her." 

My  words  filled  them  with  confidence  and  val- 
or, and  they  unanimously  agreed  to  continue  the 
chase.  We  penetrated  the  frightful  deserts  and 
gloomy  woods  of  America,  beyond  the  source  of 
the  Ohio,  through  countries  utterly  unknown  before. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  227 

I  frequently  took  the  diversion  of  sliooting  in  the 
woods;  and  one  day  that  I  happened  with  three 
attendants  to  wander  far  from  our  troop,  w^e  were 
suddenly  set  upon  by  a  number  of  savages.  As  we 
had  expended  our  powder  and  shot,  and  happened 
to  have  no  side  arms,  it  was  in  vain  to  make  any 
resistance  against  hundreds  of  enemies.  In  short, 
they  bound  us,  and  made  us  walk  before  them  to  a 
gloomy  cavern  in  a  rock,  where  they  feasted  upon 
what  game  they  had  killed  :  but  which  not  being 
sufficient,  they  took  my  three  unfortunate  compan- 
ions and  myself  and  scalped  us.  The  pain  of  losing 
the  flesh  from  my  head  was  most  horrible  ;  it  made 
me  leap  in  agonies,  and  roar  like  a  bull.  They 
then  tied  us  to  stakes,  and  making  great  fires 
around  us,  began  to  dance  in  a  circle,  singing  with 
much  distortion  and  barbarity,  and  at  times  putting 
the  palms  of  their  hands  to  their  mouths,  set  up  the 
war-whoop.  As  they  had  on  that  day  also  made 
a  great  prize  of  some  wine  and  spirits  belonging  to 
our  troop,  these  barbarians  finding  it  delicious,  and 
unconscious  of  its  intoxicating  quality,  began  to 
driiik  it  in  profusion,  while  they  beheld  us  roasting; 
and  in  a  very  short  time   they  were  all  completely 


22 S  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

drunk,  and  fell  asleep  around  the  fires.  Perceiv- 
ing some  hopes,  I  used  most  astonishing  efforts  to 
extricate  myself  from  the  cords  with  which  I  was 
tied,  and  at  length  succeeded.  I  immediately 
unbound  my  companions,  and  though  half  roasted, 
they  still  had  power  enough  to  walk.  We  sought 
about  for  the  flesh  that  had  been  taken  off  our 
heads,  and  having  found  the  scalps,  we  immediately 
adapted  them  to  our  bloody  heads,  sticking  them 
on  with  a  kind  of  glue  of  a  sovereign  quality,  that 
flows  from  a  tree  in  that  country,  and  the  parts 
united  and  healed  in  a  few  hours.  We  took  care 
to  revenge  oui-selves  on  the  savages,  and  with  their 
own  hatchets  put  every  one  of  them  to  death.  We 
then  returned  to  our  troop,  who  had  given  us  up 
for  lost;  and  they  made  great  rejoicings  on  our 
return.  We  now  proceeded  in  our  journey  through 
this  prodigious  wilderness,  Gog  and  Magog  acting 
as  pioneers,  hewing  down  the  trees,  &c.,  at  a  great 
rate,  as  we  advanced.  We  passed  over  numberless 
swamps,  and  lakes,  and  rivers,  until  at  length  we 
discovered  a  habitation  at  some  distance.  It  ap- 
peared a  dark  and  gloomy  castle,  surrounded  with 
strong  ramparts  and  a  broad  ditch.     We  eaUed  a 


BAKON   MUNCHAUSEN.  229 

council  of  war,  and  it  was  determined  to  send   a 
deputation  with  a  trumpet  to  the  walls  of  the  castle, 
and  demand  friendship  from  the  governor,  whoever 
he  might  be,  and  an  account  if  aught  he  knew  of 
Wauwau.      For  this  purpose   our  whole   caravan 
halted  in  the  wood,  and  Gog  and  Magog  reclined 
among    the    trees,   that   their    enormous    strength 
and    size    should    not    be    discovered,    and    give 
umbrage  to  the  lord  of  the  castle.     Our  embassy 
approached  the  castle,  and  having  demanded  admit- 
tance for  some  time,  at  length  the  drawbridge  was 
let  down,  and  they  were  suffered  to  enter.     As  soon 
as   they  had  passed  the   gate  it  was  immediately 
closed  after  them,  and  on  either  side  they  perceived 
ranks  of  halberdiers,  who  made  them  tremble  with 
fear.     "  We  come,"  the  herald  proclaimed,  ''  on  the 
part  of  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Don  Quixote,  Lord  Whit- 
tington,  and  the  thrice-renowned  Baron  Munchau- 
sen, to  claim  friendship  from  the  governor  of  this 
puissant  castle,  and  to  seek  Wauwau." — ''  The  most 
noble  governor,"  replied  an  officer,  "  is  at  all  times 
happy  to  entertain  such  travellers  as  pass  through 
these  immense  deserts,  and  will  esteem  it  an  honor 

that  the  great  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Don  Quixote,  Lord 

20 


230  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

WliittiDgtoii,  and  tlie  tlirice-renowned  Baroii  Mun- 
chausen, enter  his  castle  walls." 

In  short,  we  entered  the  castle.  The  governor 
sat  w^ith  all  our  company  to  table,  surrounded  by 
his  friends,  of  a  very  tierce  and  warlike  appearance. 
They  spoke  but  little,  and  seemed  very  austere  and 
reserved,  until  the  first  course  was  served  up.  The 
dishes  were  brought  in  by  a  number  of  bears  walk- 
ing on  their  hind-legs ;  and  on  every  dish  was  a  fric- 
assee of  pistols,  pistol-bullets,  sauce  of  gunpowder, 
and  aqua-vitae.  This  entertainment  seemed  rather 
indigestible  by  even  an  ostrich's  stomach :  when 
the  governor  addressed  us,  and  informed  me  that  it 
was  ever  his  custom  to  strangers,  to  offer  them  for 
the  first  course  a  service  similar  to  that  before  us  : 
and  if  they  were  inclined  to  accept  the  invitation, 
he  would  fight  them  as  much  as  they  pleased  ;  but 
if  they  could  not  relish  the  pistol  bullets,  &c.,  he 
would  conclude  them  peaceable,  and  try  what  bet- 
ter politeness  he  could  show  them  in  his  castle.  In 
short,  the  -first  course  being  removed  untouched, 
we  dined  ;  and  after  dinner  the  governor  forced  the 
company  to  push  the  bottle  about  with  alacrity  and 
to  excess.     He  informed  us,  that  he  was  the  Nare- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  231 

skin  Rowslvimowmowsky,  who  liad  retired  amid 
these  wilds,  disgusted  with  the  court  of  Petersburg. 
I  was  rejoiced  to  meet  him  ;  I  recollected  my  old 
friend  whom  I  had  known  at  the  court  of  Russia, 
when  I  rejected  the  hand  of  the  Empress.  Tlie 
Nareskin,  with  all  his  knights-companions,  drank  to 
an  astonishing  degree,  and  we  all  set  oif  upon 
hobby-horses  in  full  cry  out  of  the  castle.  ISTever 
was  there  seen  such  a  cavalcade  before.  In  front 
galloped  a  hundred  knights  belonging  to  the  castle, 
with  hunting  horns  and  a  pack  of  excellent  dogs ; 
and  then  came  the  Nareskin  Rowskimowmowsky, 
Gog  and  Magog,  Hilaro  Frosticos,  and  your  humble 
Servant,  hallooing  and  shouting  like  so  many  demo- 
niacs, and  spurring  our  hobby-horses  at  an  infernal 
rate,  until  we  arrived  in  the  kingdom  of  Logger- 
heads. The  kingdom  of  Loggerheads  was  wilder 
tlian  any  part  of  Siberia,  and  the  Nareskin  had  here 
built  a  romantic  summer-house  in  a  Gothic  taste,  to 
which  he  would  frequently  retire  with  his  company 
after  dinner.  The  Nareskin  had  a  dozen  bears  of 
enormous  stature  that  danced  for  our  amusement, 
and  their  chiefs  performed  the  minicet  de  la  cour  to 
admiration.     And  here  the  most  noble  Ilihiro  Fros- 


232  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

ticos  thought  proper  to  ask  the  Nareskin  some  intel- 
ligence about  Wauwau,  in  quest  of  whom  we  had 
travelled  over  such  a  tract  of  country,  and  encoun- 
tered so  many  dangerous  adventures :  and  also  in- 
vited the  Nareskin  Rowskimowniowsky  to  attend 
us  with  all  his  bears  in  the  expedition.  The  Nare- 
skin  appeared  astonished  at  the  idea ;  he  looked 
with  inlinite  hauteur  and  ferocity  on  Hilaro,  and 
affecting  a  violent  passion,  asked  him,  "Did  he 
imagine  that  the  Nareskin  Kowskimowmowsky 
could  condescend  to  take  notice  of  a  Wauwau,  let 
her  fly  what  way  she  would  ?  Or  did  he  think,  a 
chief  possessing  such  blood  in  his  veins,  could  en- 
gage in  such  a  foreign  pursuit?  By  the  blood  of 
all  the  bears  in  the  kingdom  of  Loggerheads,  and 
by  the  ashes  of  my  great-great-grandmother,  I  would 
cut  off  your  head  !^' 

Hilaro  Frosticos .  resented  this  oration,  and  in 
short  a  general  riot  commenced.  The  bears,  to- 
gether with  the  hundred  knights,  took  the  part  of 
the  E'areskin ;  and  Gog  and  Magog,  Don  Quixote, 
the  Sphinx,  Lord  Whittington,  the  bulls,  the  crick- 
ets, the  judges,  the  matrons,  and  Hilaro  Frosticos, 
made  noble  warfare  against  them. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  233 

I  drew  my  sworcl,  and  challenged  the  Nareskiii 
to  single  combat.  lie  frowned,  while  his  eyes 
sparkled  fire  and  indignation  ;  and  bracing  a  buck- 
ler on  his  left  arm  he  advanced  against  me.  I 
made  a  blow  at  him  with  all  my  force,  which  he 
received  upon   his  buckler,  and  my  sword  broke 

short. 

Ungenerons  Nareskin !  seeing  me  disarmed,  he 
still  pushed  forward,  dealing  his  blows  upon  me 
with  the  utmost  violence,  which  I  parried  with  my 
shield  and  the  hilt  of  my  broken  sword,  and  fought 
like  a  game-cock. 

An  enormous  bear  at  the  same  time  attacked  me: 
but  I  ran  my  hand  still  retaining  the  hilt  of  my 
broken   sword   down   his   throat,  and   tore   up  his 
tongue  by  the  roots.     I  then  seized  his  carcass  by 
the  hind  legs,  and  whirling  it  over  my  head,  gave 
the  ISIareskin  such  a  blow  with  his  own  bear  as  ev- 
idently stunned  him.     I  repeated  my  blows,  knock- 
in  o-  the  bear's  head  against  the  Nareskin's  head, 
until,  by  one  happy  blow,  I  got  his  head  into  the 
bear's  jaws;  and  the  creature  being  still  somewhat 
alive  and  convulsive,  the  teeth  closed  upon  him 
like  nut-crackers.     I  threw  the  bear  from  me,  but 


20» 


234  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

the  Nareskin  remained  sprawling,  unable  to  extri- 
cate his  Lead  from  the  bear's  jaws,  imploring  for 
mercy.  I  gave  the  wretch  his  life — a  lion  preys 
not  upon  carcasses. 

At  the  same  time  my  troop  had  effectually  routed 
the  bears  and  the  rest  of  their  adversaries.  I  was 
merciful,  and  ordered  quarter  to  be  given. 

At  that  moment  I  perceived  Wauwau,  flying  at 
a  great  height  through  the  heavens,  and  we  instant- 
ly set  out  in  pursuit  of  her,  and  never  stopped  until 
we  arrived  at  Kamschatka — thence  we  passed  to 
Otaheite.  I  met  my  old  acquaintance  Omai,  who 
had  been  in  England  with  the  great  navigator, 
Cook ;  and  I  was  glad  to  find  he  had  established 
Sunday-schools  over  all  the  islands.  I  talked  to 
him  of  Europe,  and  his  former  voyage  to  England. 
"  Ah !"  said  he,  most  emphatically,  "  the  English, 
the  cruel  English,  to  murder  me  with  goodness  and 
refine  upon  my  torture — took  me  to  Europe,  and 
showed  me  the  court  of  England,  the  delicacy  of 
exquisite  life :  they  showed  me  gods,  and  showed 
me  heaven,  as  if  on  purpose  to  make  me  feel  the 
loss  of  them." 

From  these  islands  we  set  out,  attended  by  a  fleet 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  235 

of  canoes  with  iiglitiiig-stages  and  tlie  cliiefest  war- 
riors of  the  islands,  commanded  by  Omai.  Tlius 
the  chariot  of  Queen  Mab,  my  team  of  bulls  and 
the  crickets,  the  ark,  the  Sphinx,  and  the  balloons, 
with  Hilaro  Frosticos,  Gog  and  Magog,  Lord  Whit- 
tington,  and  the  Lord  Mayor's  show,  Don  Quixote, 
&c.,  with  my  fleet  of  canoes,  altogether  cut  a  very 
formidable  appearance  on  our  arrival  at  the  Isthmus 
of  Darien.  Sensible  of  what  general  benefit  it  would 
be  to  mankind,  I  immediately  formed  a  plan  of 
cutting  a  canal  across  the  Isthmus  from  sea  to  sea. 

For  this  purpose  I  drove  my  chariot  with  the 
greatest  impetuosity  repeatedly  from  shore  to  shore, 
in  the  same  track,  tearing  up  the  rocks  and  earth 
thereby,  and  forming  a  tolerable  bed  for  the  wa- 
ter. Gog  and  Magog  next  advanced  at  the  head 
of  a  million  of  people,  from  the  realms  of  ISTorth 
and  South  America,  and  from  Europe;  and  with 
infinite  labor  cleared  away  the  earth,  &c.,  that 
I  had  ploughed  up  with  my  chariot.  I  then  again 
drove  my  chariot,  making  the  canal  wider  and 
deeper;  and  ordered  Gog  and  Magog  to  repeat 
their  labor  as  before.  The  canal  being  a  quarter 
of  a  mile  broad  and  three  hundred  yards  in  depth,  I 


236  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

thought  it  sufficient,  and  iuimediately  let  in  the 
waters  of  the  sea.  I  did  imagine  that,  from  the 
rotatory  motion  of  the  earth  on  its  axis  from  west 
to  east,  the  sea  would  be  higher  on  the  eastern  than 
the  western  coast ;  and  that  on  the  uniting  of  the 
two  seas  there  would  be  a  strong  current  from  the 
east — and  it  happened  just  as  I  expected.  The  sea 
came  in  with  tremendous  magnificence,  and  en- 
larged the  bounds  of  the  canal,  so  as  to  make  a 
passage  of  some  miles  broad  from  ocean  to  ocean, 
and  made  an  island  of  South  America.  Several 
sail  of  tradins:  vessels  and  men-of-war  sailed  throujj^h 
this  new  channel  to  the  South  Seas,  China,  &c., 
and  saluted  me  with  all  their  cannon  as  they  passed. 
I  looked  through  my  telescope  at  the  moon,  and 
perceived  the  philosophers  there  in  great  commo- 
tion. They  could  plainly  discern  the  alteration  on 
the  surface  of  our  globe,  and  thought  themselves 
somehow  interested  in  the  enterprise  of  their 
fellow-mortals  in  a  neighboring  planet.  They  seem- 
ed to  think  it  admirable,  that  such  little  beings 
as  we  men  should  attempt  so  magnificent  a  per- 
formance, that  would  be  observable  even  in  a 
separate  world. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


237 


Thus  having  wedded  the  Atlantic  Ocean  to  the 
South  Sea,  I  returned  to  England,  and  found  Wau- 
wau  precisely  in  the  very  spot  whence  she  had 
set  out,  after  having  led  us  a  chase  all  round  the 
world. 


238 


ORIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 


(ffiluujtier  SUitty-tfti^^t* 


'•')^  EIZED  with  a  fury  of  canal-cutting, 
I  took  it  in  my  head  to  form  an  im- 
mediate communication  between 
the  Mediterranean  and  the  Ked 
Sea ;  and  therefore  set  out  for 
Petersburg. 

The  sanguinary  ambition  of  the  empress  would 
not  listen  to  my  proposal,  until  I  took  a  private 
opportunity,  taking  a  cup  of  coffee  with  her  Majesty, 
to  tell  her  that  I  would  absolutely  sacrifice  myself 
for  the  general  good  of  mankind ;  and  if  she  would 
accede  to  my  proposal,  would,  on  the  completion  of 
the  canal,  ijpsofacto^  give  her  my  hand  in  marriage. 
''  My  dear,  dear  Baron,"  said  she,  "  I  accede  to 
every  thing  you  please ;  and  agree  to  make  peace 
with  the  Porte  on  the  conditions,  you  mention  :  and," 
added  she,  rising  with  all  the  majesty  of  the 
Czarina,  Empress  of  half  the  world, — "  be  it  known 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  239 

to  all  subjects,  that  we  ordain  tliese  conditions,  for 
such  is  our  royal  will  and  pleasure." 

I  now  proceeded  to  the  Isthmus  of  Suez,  at  the 
head  of  a  million  of  Russian  pioneers,  and  there 
united  my  forces  with  a  million  of  Turks,  armed 
with  shovels  and  pickaxes.  They  did  not  come  to 
cut  each  other's  throats,  but,  for  their  mutual  in- 
terest, to  facilitate  commerce  and  civilization,  and 
pour  all  the  wealth  of  India  by  a  new  channel  into 
Europe.  "  My  brave  fellows,"  said  I,  "  consider  the 
immense  labor  of  the  Chinese  to  build  their  celebra- 
ted wall ;  think  of  what  superior  benefit  to  man- 
kind, is  our  present  undertaking;  persevere,  and. 
fortune  w^ill  second  your  endeavors.  Remember  it 
is  Munchausen  who  leads  you  on,  and  be  convinced 
of  success." 

Saying  these  words,  I  drove  my  chariot  with  all 
my  might  in  my  former  track,  that  vestige  mentioned 
by  the  Baron  de  Tott ;  and  when  I  w^as  advanced 
considerably,  I  felt  my  chariot  sinking  "jnder  me. 
I  attempted  to  drive  on,  but  the  ground,  or  rather 
immense  vault,  giving  way,  my  chariot  and  all  went 
down  precipitately.  Stunned  by  the  fall,  I  was  some 
moments  before  I  could  recollect  myself;  when  at 


240  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

leiigtli,  to  my  amazement,  I  perceived  myself  fallen 
into  the  Alexandrine  Library,  overwhelmed  in  an 
ocean  of  books — thousands  of  volumes  came  tum- 
bling on  my  head  amid  the  ruins  of  that  part  of  the 
vault  through  which  my  chariot  had  descended,  and 
for  a  time  buried  my  bulls  and  all  beneath  a  heap  of 
learning.  However,  I  contrived  to  extricate  myself, 
and  advanced  with  awful  admiration  through  the 
vast  avenues  of  the  library.  I  perceived  on  every 
side  innumerable  volumes  and  repositories  of  ancient 
learning,  and  all  the  science  of  the  Antediluvian 
world.  Here  I  met  with  Hermes  Trismegistus  and 
a  parcel  of  old  philosophers,  debating  upon  the 
politics  and  learning  of  their  days.  I  gave  them 
inexpressible  delight,  in  telling  them  in  a  few  w^ords 
all  the  discoveries  of  ]N"ewton,  and  the  history  of  the 
world,  since  their  time.  These  gentry,  on  the 
contrary,  told  me  a  thousand  stories  of  antiquity, 
that  some  of  om*  antiquarians  would  give  their 
very  eyes  to  hear. 

In  short,  I  ordered  the  library  to  be  preserved ; 
and  I  intend  making  a  present  of  it,  as  soon  as  it 
arrives  in  England,  to  the  Royal  Society,  together 
with  Hermes  Trismegistus,   and  half  a  dozen  old 


BAEON  MUNCHAUSEN.  241 

philosophers.  I  have  got  a  beautiful  cage  made,  in 
which  I  keep  these  extraordinary  creatures,  and  feed 
them  with  bread  and  honey,  as  they  seem  to  believe 
in  a  kind  of  doctrine  of  transmigration,  and  will 
not  touch  flesh.  Hermes  Trismegistus  especially 
is  a  most  antique-looking  being,  with  a  beard  half  a 
yard  long,  covered  with  a  robe  of  golden  embroid- 
ery, and  prates  like  a  parrot.  He  will  cut  a  very 
brilliant  figure  in  the  Museum. 

Having  made  a  track  with  my  chariot  from  sea 
to  sea,  I  ordered  my  Turks  and  Kussians  to  begin ; 
and  in  a  few  hours  we  had  the  pleasm-e  of  seeing  a 
fleet  of  British  East  Indiamen  in  full  sail  through 
the  canal.  The  officers  of  this  fleet  were  very 
polite  and  paid  me  every  applause  and  congratula- 
tion my  exploits  could  merit.  They  told  me  of  their 
aff'airs  in  India,  and  the  ferocity  of  that  dreadful 
warrior,  Tippoo  Saib ;  on  which  I  resolved  to  go  to 
India  and  encounter  the  tyrant.  I  travelled  down 
the  Red  Sea  to  Madras,  and  at  the  head  of  a  few 
Sepoys  and  Europeans  pursued  the  flying  army  of 
Tippoo  to  the  gates  of  Seringapatam.  I  challenged 
him  to  mortal  combat ;  and,  mounted  on  my  steed, 
rode  up  to  the  walls  of  the  fortress  amid  a  storm  of 

21 


242  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

slid  Is  and  cannon-balls.  As  fast  as  the  bombs  and 
cannon-balls  came  upon  me,  I  caught  them  in  my 
hands  like  so  many  pebbles,  and  throwing  them 
against  the  fortress,  demolished  the  strongest  ram- 
parts of  the  place.  I  took  my  mark  so  direct  that 
whenever  I  aimed  a  cannon-ball  or  shell  at  any  per- 
son on  the  ramparts,  I  was  sure  to  hit  him :  and 
one  time  perceiving  a  tremendous  piece  of  artillery 
pointed  against  me,  and  knowing  the  ball  must  be 
so  great  it  would  certainly  stun  me,  I  took  a  small 
cannon-ball,  and  just  as  I  perceived  the  engineer 
going  to  order  them  to  fire,  and  opening  his  mouth 
to  give  the  word  of  command,  I  took  aim  and  drove 
my  ball  precisely  down  his  throat. 

Tippoo,  fearing  that  all  would  be  lost,  that  a  gen- 
eral and  successful  storm  would  ensue  if  I  continu- 
ed to  batter  the  place,  came  forth  upon  his  elephant 
to  fight  me — I  saluted  him,  and  insisted  he  should 
tire  first. 

Tippoo,  though  a  barbarian,  was  not  deficient  in 
politeness,  and  declined  the  compliment ;  upon 
which  I  took  of  ni}^  hat,  and  bowing,  told  him  it 
was  an  advantage  Munchausen  should  never  be  said 
to  accept  from  so  gallant  a  warrior  :  on  which  Tip- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  243 

poo  instantly  discharged  his  carbine,  the  ball  from 
which  hitting  my  horse's  ear,  made  him  plnngc 
with  rage  and  indignation.  In  return,  I  discharged 
my  pistol  at  Tippoo,  and  shot  off  his  tnrban.  lie 
had  a  small  field-piece  mounted  with  him  on  liis 
elephant,  which  he  then  discharged  at  me,  and  the 
grape-shot  coming  in  a  shower,  rattled  in  the  laurels 
that  covered  and  shaded  me  all  over,  and  remained 
pendant  like  berries  on  the  branches.  I  then,  advan- 
cing, took  the  proboscis  of  his  elephant,  and  turning 
it  against  the  rider,  struck  him  repeatedly  with  the 
extremity  of  it  on  either  side  of  the  head,  until  I  at 
length  dismounted  him.  [N'othing  could  equal  the 
rage  of  the  barbarian  on  finding  himself  thrown  from 
his  elephant.  He  rose  in  a  fit  of  despair,  and  rushed 
against  my  steed  and  myself :  but  I  scorned  to  fight 
him  at  so  great  a  disadvantage  on  liis  bide,  and  di- 
rectly dismounted  to  fight  him  Imiid  to  hand. 
Never  did  I  fight  with  any  man  who  bore  himself 
more  nobly  than  this  adversary ;  he  parried  my 
blows,  and  dealt  home  his  own  in  return  with  as- 
tonishing precision.  The  first  blow  of  his  sabre  I 
received  upon  the  bridge  of  my  nose ;  and,  but  for 
the  bony  firmness  of  that  part  of  my  face,  it  would 


244  OKIGINAL  TRAVELS   OF 

have   descended   to   mj  mouth.     I  still   bear  the 
mark  upon  my  nose. 

He  next  made  a  furious  blow  at  my  head,  but  I, 
parrying,  deadened  the  force  of  his  sabre,  so  that  I 
received  but  one  scar  on  my  forehead ;  and  at  the 
same  instant,  by  a  blow  of  my  sword,  cut  off  his 
arm ;  and  his  hand  and  sabre  fell  to  the  earth ;  he  tot- 
tered for  some  paces,  and  dropped  at  the  foot  of  his 
elephant.  The  sagacious  animal  seeing  the  danger 
of  his  master,  endeavored  to  protect  him  by  flom-- 
ishing  his  proboscis  round  the  head  of  the  Sultan. 

Fearless,  I  advanced  against  the  elephant,  desir- 
ous to  take  alive  the  haughty  Tippoo  Saib ;  but  he 
drew  a  pistol  from  his  belt,  and  discharged  it  full 
in  my  face  as  I  rushed  upon  him,  which  did  me  no 
further  harm  than  wound  my  cheek-bone,  which 
disfigures  me  somewhat  under  my  left  eye.  I  could 
not  withstand  the  rage  and  impulse  of  that  moment, 
and  with  one  blow  of  my  sword  separated  his  head 
from  his  body. 

I  returned  overland  from  India  to  Europe  with 
admirable  velocity  ;  so  that  the  account  of  Tippoo's 
defeat  by  me  has  not  as  yet  arrived  by  the  ordinary 
passage,  nor  can  you  expect  to  hear  of  it  for  a  con- 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  245 

siderable  time.  I  simply  relate  tlie  encounter  as  it 
happened  between  the  Sultan  and  me  ;  and  if  there 
be  any  one  who  doubts  the  truth  of  what  I  say,  he 
is  an  iniidel,  and  I  will  fight  him  at  any  time  and 
place,  and  with  any  weapon  he  pleases. 

Hearing  so  many  persons  talk  about  raising  the 
Koyal  George,  I  began  to  take  pity  on  that  fine  old 
ruin  of  British  plank,  and  determined  to  have  her 
up.  I  was  sensible  of  the  failure  of  the  various 
means  hitherto  employed  for  the  purpose,  and 
therefore  inclined  to  try  a  method  difi'erent  from 
any  before  attempted.  I  got  an  immense  balloon, 
made  of  the  toughest  sail-cloth ;  and,  having  de- 
descended  in  my  diving-bell,  and  properly  secured 
the  hull  with  enormous  cables,  I  ascended  to  the 
surface,  and  fastened  my  cables  to  the  balloon. 
Prodigious  multitudes  were  assembled  to  behold 
the  elevation  of  the  Royal  George ;  and  as  soon  as 
I  began  to  fill  my  balloon  with  inflammable  air,  the 
vessel  evidently  began  to  move  :  but  when  my  bal- 
loon was  completely  filled,  she  carried  up  the  Royal 
George  with  the  greatest  rapidity.  The  vessel  ap- 
pearing on  the  surface  occasioned  a  universal  shout 

of  triumph   from   the   millions   assembled    un  the 

21- 


24:6  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS'  OF 

occasion.  Still  tlie  balloon  continued  ascending, 
trailing  the  hull  after  like  a  lantern  at  the  tail  of  a 
kite,  and  in  a  few  minutes  appeared  floating  among 
the  clouds. 

It  was  then  the  opinion  of  many  philosophers, 
that  it  would  be  more  difficult  to  get  her  down  than 
it  had  been  to  draw  her  up.  But  I  convinced  them 
to  the  contrary,  by  taking  my  aim  so  exactly  with  a 
twelve-pounder,  that  I  brought  her  down  in  an 
instant. 

I  considered  that  if  I  should  break  the  bal- 
loon with  a  cannon-ball,  while  she  remained 
with  the  vessel  over  the  land,  the  fall  would 
inevitably  occasion  the  destruction  of  the  hull, 
and  which,  in  its  fall,  might  crush  some  of  the 
multitude ;  therefore  I  thought  it  safer  to  take  my 
aim  when  the  balloon  was  over  the  sea,  and  point- 
ing my  twelve-pounder,  drove  the  ball  right  through 
the  balloon ;  on  which  the  inflammable  air  rushed 
out  with  great  force,  and  the  Royal  George  descend- 
ed like  a  falling  star  into  the  very  spot  from 
whence  she  had  been  taken.  There  she  still  re- 
mains; but  I  have  convinced  all  Europe  of  the 
possibility  of  taking  her  up. 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN. 


247 


(R\xix\)itic  W\nxUj'fmxtU. 


ASSING  through  Switzerland,  on 
my  return  from  India,  I  was  in- 
formed that  several  of  the  Ger- 
man nobility  had  been  deprived  of 
the  honors  and  immunities  of  their 
French  estates.  I  heard  of  the 
sufferings  of  the  amiable  Marie  Antoinette,  and 
swore  to  avenge  every  look  that  had  threatened  her 
with  insult.  I  went  to  the  cavern  of  these  Anthro- 
pophagi, assembled  to  debate,  and  gracefully  put- 
ting the  hilt  of  my  sword  to  my  lips — "  I  swear," 
cried  I,  "  by  the  sacred  cross  of  my  sword,  that  if 
you  do  not  instantly  reinstate  your  king  and  his 
nobility,  and  your  injured  queen,  I  will  cut  the  one 
half  of  you  to  pieces." 

On  which  the  President,  taking  up  a  leaden  ink- 
stand, flung  it  at  my  head.     I  stooped  to  avoid  the 


248  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

h\ow,  and  rushing  to  the  tribunal,  seized  the  Speak- 
er, who  was  fuhninating  against  the  Aristocrats ; 
and  taking  the  creature  by  one  leg,  flung  him  at 
the  President.  I  laid  about  me  most  noblj,  drove 
them  all  out  of  the  house,  and,  locking  the  doors, 
put  the  key  in  my  pocket. 

I  then  went  to  the  poor  king,  and  making  my 
obeisance  to  him — "  Sire,"  said  I,  "  your  enemies 
have  all  fled ;  I  alone  am  the  IS'ational  Assembly 
at  present ;  and  I  shall  register  your  edicts  to  recall 
the  princes  and  the  nobility ;  and  in  future,  if  your 
Majesty  pleases,  I  will  be  your  Parliament  and 
Council."  He  thanked,  me,  and  the  amiable  Marie 
Antoinette,  smiling,  gave  me  her  hand  to  kiss. 

At  that  moment  I  perceived  a  party  of  the  Na- 
tional Assemblv,  who  had  rallied  with  the  IS^ational 
Guards,  and  a  vast  procession  of  fish-women,  advan- 
cing against  me.  I  deposited  their  Majesties  in  a 
place  of  safety,  and  with  my  drawn  sword  advanced 
against  my  foes.  Three  hundred  fish-women,  with 
bushes  dressed  with  ribbons  in  their  hands,  came 
hallooing  and  roaring  against  me  like  so  many 
furies.  I  scorned  to  defile  my  sword  with  their 
blood,  but  seized  the  first  that  came  up,  and  mak- 


BAEON   MUNCHAUSEN.  249 

ing  her  kneel  down,  knighted  her  with  my  sword  ; 
which  so  terrified  the  rest,  that  they  set  up  a  fright- 
ful yell,  and  ran  away  as  fast  as  they  could  for  fear 
of  being  aristocrated  by  knighthood. 

As  to  the  National  Guards  and  the  rest  of  the 
Assembly,  I  soon  put  them  to  flight ;  and  having 
made  prisoners  of  some  of  them,  compelled  them  to 
take  down  their  national,  and  put  the  old  royal 
cockade  in  its  place. 

I  then  pursued  the  enemy  to  the  top  of  a  hill, 
where  a  most  noble  edifice  dazzled  my  sight ;  noble 
and  sacred  it  was,  but  now  converted  to  the  vilest 
purposes,  their  monument  de  grands  homines,  a 
Christian  Church  that  the  Saracens  had  perverted 
into  abomination.  I  burst  open  the  doors  and  en- 
tered sword  in  hand.  Here  I  observed  all  the  I^a- 
tioual  Assembly  marching  round  a  great  altar  erect- 
ed to  Yoltaire ;  there  was  his  statue  in  triumph,  and 
the  fish-women  with  garlands  decking  it,  and  sing- 
ing, "•  Qa  ira !"  I  could  bear  the  sight  no  longer ; 
but  rushed  upon  these  pagans,  and  sacrificed  them 
by  dozens  upon  the  spot.  The  members  of  the  As- 
sembly, and  the  fish- women  continued  to  invoke 
their  great  Voltaire,  and  all  their  masters  in  this 


250  ORIGINAL  TRAVELS  OF 

monnnient  de  grands  homines^  imploring  them  to 
come  down  and  succor  them  against  the  Aristocrats, 
and  the  sword  of  Munchausen.  Their  cries  were 
horrible,  like  the  shrieks  of  watches  and  enchanters 
versed  in  magic  and  the  black  art ;  while  the  thun- 
der growled,  and  storms  shook  the  battlements,  and 
Rousseau,  Yoltaire,  and  Beelzebub  appeared,  three 
horrible  spectres :  one  all  meagre,  mere  skin  and 
bone,  and  cadaverous,  seemed  death,  that  hideous 
skeleton, — it  was  Yoltaire,  and  in  his  hands  were  a 
Ijre  and  dagger.  On  the  other  hand  was  Rousseau, 
with  a  chalice  of  sweet  poison  in  his  hand  ;  and  be- 
tween them  was  their  father  Beelzebub ! 

I  shuddered  at  the  sight ;  and  with  all  the  enthu- 
siasm of  rage,  horror,  and  piety,  rushed  in  among 
them.  I  seized  that  cursed  skeleton  Yoltaire,  and 
soon  compelled  him  to  renounce  all  the  errors  he 
had  advanced ;  and  while  he  spoke  the  words,  as  if 
by  magic  charm,  the  whole  assembly  shrieked,  and 
their  pandemonium  began  to  tumble  in  hideous 
ruin  on  their  heads. 

I  returned  in  triumph  to  the  palace,  where  the 
Queen  rushed  into  my  arms,  weeping  tenderly. 
"  Ah,  thou  flower  of  nobility,"  cried  she ;  "  were 


BARON  MUNCHAUSEN.  251 

all  the  nobles  of  France  like  tliee,  we  should  never 
have  been  brought  to  this  !'' 

I  bade  the  lovely  creature  dry  her  eyes,  and  with 
the  King  and  Dauphin  ascend  my  carriage,  and 
drive  post  to  Mont-Medi,  as  not  an  instant  was  to 
be  lost.  They  took  my  advice  and  drove  away.  I 
conveyed  them  within  a  few  miles  of  Mont-Medi, 
when  the  King,  thanking  me  for  my  assistance, 
hoped  that  I  would  not  trouble  myself  any  farther, 
as  he  was  then,  he  presumed,  out  of  danger ;  and  the 
Queen  also  with  tears  in  her  eyes,  thanked  me  on 
her  knees,  and  presented  the  Dauphin  for  my  bless- 
ing. In  short,  I  left  the  King  eating  a  mutton- 
chop.  I  advised  him  not  to  delay,  or  he  would  cer- 
tainly be  taken ;  and  setting  spurs  to  my  horse, 
wished  them  a  good  evening,  and  returned  to  Eng- 
land. If  the  King  remained  too  long  at  the  table, 
and  was  taken,  it  was  not  my  fault. 


THE  END. 


co^aaaoso^ 


